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Mom has an athletic body but I don't. Does this make me a loser?

Tagged as: Health, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 April 2015) 7 Answers - (Newest, 7 May 2015)
A male United States age 16-17, *ach101 writes:

My mom has an athletic body and I don't. Does that make me a looser?

Im a 14 year old skinny person with a fat belly and my mom in contrast has an athletic body. I feel embarrassed when I'm with her especially at the beach in swimsuits. She looks great in bikini and I look bad in my swimwear. I also feel embarrassed when I'm with her in other public places. Is it normal if my mom is athletic and I'm not. Or am I being a looser?

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (7 May 2015):

Tisha-1 agony auntZach, you are not a loser. You're a guy who is still growing.

I think you should talk to your mom about how you feel about your body. I think she may not know and it could help her help you work on this in a healthy way.

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A male reader, BrownWolf Canada +, writes (4 May 2015):

BrownWolf agony aunt

You are thinking like a typical man already.

There is no need to be compelled to be better than your Mom. Your mom is your mom, and you are you. Even if you had a better body than your mom, you could still never compete with her...why?

She been on this Earth 32 years more than you. She is the very reason your are even here to complain. She has more experience and wisdom than you will ever have. So you see, there is no competing.

Look at it this way...Tell yourself this..."When I am 46 years old, I want to be as healthy and in great shape like my mom." Let her be your inspiration, not a means to bring yourself down. Would you like it if she was 500 pounds and people were making fun of her and you, because her size??

If you find it hard to be in good shape when you are young, how much harder do you think it is at 46 years old?

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A male reader, Zach101 United States +, writes (2 May 2015):

Zach101 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

@Tisha.

I'm a boy and I live with my mom. I don't see my dad much. And, no I haven't talked to my mom about this. I haven't talked to anyone cause I don't feel comfortable discussing this with anyone. I feel safe while remaining anonymous. Hence, I'm here.

"What's going on here"

I feel ashamed of the fact that my mom is physically fit and I'm not. She's a 46 years old female and has a better body than me. She has six pacs at that age. That's a huge accomplishment. So, i feel compelled to have a better body than hers. But, I don't have it.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (30 April 2015):

Tisha-1 agony auntAre you a boy or a girl? Just wondering what your point of view might be here.

You say you are a skinny person with a fat belly.

Did you know that a healthy woman has a bit of a belly?

"My mom has an athletic body and I don't. Does that make me a looser [sic]?"

No that makes you the son/daughter of a woman with an athletic body.

You're in your teens. Your body is not yet fully developed.

What's going on here, Zach, have you talked to your mom and dad about how you feel about yourself and your body?

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A male reader, Code Warrior United States + , writes (29 April 2015):

Code Warrior agony auntIf you want to improve your body then you need to do things that will improve it. Playing sports is certainly one way. When I was your age, I was heavy and I began body building. I was never a ripped body builder guy by any means, but it certainly made me a lot stronger and improved my fitness.

You're still growing, so your body will change, but body building can help immensely. You don't need to lift heavy weights to body build. You do what you can and go at your own pace. Body building takes years, but so does everything else. Don't believe those commercials that claim that you can get ripped in 90 days. Yes, some people can because they have the genetic gifts, but most won't. Also, don't believe the fitness equipment commercials that say you can easily burn a zillion calories on their wonder machine in 5 minutes. The laws of physics dictate that burning a zillion calories in 5 minutes takes 6 times more power than burning a zillion calories in 30 minutes. Thus, while the wonder machine may allow for that calorie burn in that time, it will nearly kill you to maintain the power level required to do it even for the short period of time. Don't get fooled. Take your time and learn.

There are 3 body types: Ectomorph, Mesomorph, Endomorph. Ectomoprhs are skinny, Endomoprhs tend to be heavy, Mesomorphs are more or less "perfect". Your genetics determine your body type and your body type determines how you need to work out and what you need to eat. Regardless of how much you work out, you will always be the body type that you are. You may not look that way, but your basic biology will always be one of those three. Note that nobody is a pure type, most people are combinations in different parts of their body, but overall they can be described as one of those types. Your description indicates that overall you're an Ectomorph. Understand that there are champion body builders from every type of body. Mesomorphs tend to have an easier time building muscle quickly and developing a pleasing shape quickly. Ectomorphs and Endomorphs generally take longer to achieve the same shape that a Mesomorph can achieve, but when you look at body builders on stage, you can't tell who's an Ectomorph, Mesomorph, or Endomorph.

If you want to learn more, I highly recommend Arnold Schwarznegger's book "The NEW Encyclopedia of Modern Bodybuilding". He may have used steroids, like many of them do, but the information in that book is outstanding. He really knows his stuff and he explains the 3 body types in great detail and shows how to deal with each body type to develop the physique that you want.

Regardless of what you do, work is required for the vast majority of people to look great in swimwear. The Mesomorphs of the world are lucky since they are often born with it. The rest of us have to work.

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A male reader, BrownWolf Canada +, writes (29 April 2015):

BrownWolf agony aunt

You should be super proud of your mom...why??? So many women out there have such a hard time losing the baby fat, for years, and some never do. Some women look at food and gain weight. Your mom not only gave birth to you, but she took it upon herself to get back to the way she was before.

You are young, but soon you will see how extremely difficult it is for women to have kids, do all the things they do as a mom, and still have time to look good. That is a job in itself.

So when you see your mom on the beach looking so good, look around at the other women and see how many of them are having a hard time doing what your mom did.

High five to your mom. :)

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A female reader, maverick494 United States +, writes (29 April 2015):

Of course you're not a loser! There's such a cliche going around in society about how people in their teens are at the pinnacle of their life and should look like swimsuit models. In Tv-series, most teens are actually played by people in their twenties, because that's basically when your body settles, your skin issues calm down, etc.

Your mom has had decades to get to know her body and know what works for her and what doesn't. Ask her if she was that fit when she was your age and the answer will most likely be "no." Most teenagers are a mess of hormones. And hormones have a lot of influence in what you look (and feel) like. Hormones can determine everything from how much acne you get and how fast your metabolism is. And it fluctuates all the time. That's how 14-year-olds with perfect skin can suddenly develop cystic acne when they're 16 and people who were skinny minnies at 12 can suddenly gain weight when they're 15.

When I was your age, I also looked out of shape, despite participating in a lot of sports. I also had a tummy. I got stretch marks. I freaked out about it until I found out a lot of people at that age suffer from the same thing. I didn't start settling into my body till I was around 17/18. Even then it took years for me to resemble anything to looking athletic. Sure, I had classmates who looked like bombshells at 16. They're the rare lucky ones.

Whatever you do, do not go on a diet. I made that mistake when I was your age and my metabolism slowed down so much I gained back twice the weight when I quit. Just drink more water and try to participate in sports if you're not already doing so. But most of all, don't worry about being out of shape. Just drink more water and try to cut out really unhealthy habits like snacking on fast food during breaks.

And remember, this too shall pass.

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