A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a muslim girl, and i think i have started to fall in love with my best mate. Im totally shocked with how i feel and cannot help it. We see eachother almost everyday, she drives round my house to hang out on lazy days, or were usually out shopping or doing something. When we're not together we are always texting each other, talking on msn and on the phone for hours. My sister who is the same age as me and also very close friends with my best mate even jokingly says were like 'lesbo's' with how much time we spend with each other or talking. We've been friends for 4 years, she use to be closer to my sister but since college we've got really close. Ive never been in a relationship with a boy, because of my religion and strict family, but never ever have i felt attracted to a girl. I'm forever thinking about her, when i see her pull up in her car i get butterflies, shes a real girly girl like myself, shes gorgeous and she so much fun to be with. Whenever i get a text im hoping its from her, i read her texts over and over again. i feel such a wierdo though for feeling like this, my family would be absolutely outraged, im not even aloud to date an english boy, never mind a bloody girl! i would love it if she felt the same way about me even though we would have to keep it secret because my family would disown me!i sometimes think she does like me this way too. At school she's always had boyfriends and been popular, but since college she's not been dating anyone and as she says not been interested. i make jokes to her when we talk about things like this and say 'u dont fancy any college lads coz u fancy me really dont u? i know u do mate, u cant deny it' she jokes along saying 'yeah you know it', we laugh it off but i really wish she'd mean it. When were all out with our friends i find myself looking at her, and catch her looking at me too, she smiles and looks away. were always playfully nudging each other and she use to do this with boys she liked at school so maybe they could be 'love taps' lol.Anyway i think ive babbled enough, but because of my situation i havent been able to tell anyone how i feel, not even my sister. Do u think i should tell my mate my feelings? Do you think she likes me too? Im really confused because ive never been in love, i usually distance myself from getting close with boys because of my family, so i dont know what it feels like to be in love at all really.
View related questions:
best friend, msn, muslim, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, damaged heart  +, writes (23 December 2008):
first of all i kno how it feells like being muslim....
second of all you should be proud that u told your sister you have a lot of courage young lady
third of all be true to yourself and have the strength to tell her how you feel ( i tink she likes you too from wat you wrote) good luck i hop i helped...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008): Big Hugs, you have been so brave. It must have been very difficult for you to tell your sister about how you feel. Your sister sounds great, it must have been a big shock to her, but she loved you enough to come back and give you her love and support 100%. This is probably the hardest thing you've ever experienced in your life and my heart goes out to you. Big, big hugs. You've taken the first difficult steps to live your life the way you want and become the person you want to be.
Take a deep breath. Now on to the next step. I know your nervous and I know your scared, but you've already made one giant leap. No matter what happens you have your sister beside you to give you love and support and accept you just as you are. I can't tell you what you must do. Your sister has given you advice, and so have the other aunts and uncles on the board. Things may go beautifully, they may go badly. We don't know, only time will tell. You and only you alone can decide what your going to tell your friend, if you decide to say anything at all.
You have been very brave, and I admire both your sister and you. I know how hard it is trying to live in both worlds and trying to fit in with the modern and the traditional. No matter what happens, remember. You and your sister are a team, and she will never leave you alone to cry... Take care of you, I'm crossing my fingers, and sending you good luck, and all the happiness I can find. Blessings.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008): hey im the girl who wrote the question. Thanks for taking the time to read and for everyones advice.
Since posting this i spent time on my own to think. Im a muslim girl infront of my parents but i see myself as an english girl infront of my friends. I don't dress like a traditional muslim girl should, i wear what i want, and in all honesty im not a strong islamic believer, i feel that my religion controls me and doesn't let me be who i want to be. Even my parents are only the way they are to please my grandparents who are strong and strict muslims.
I haven't seen my bestfriend for about 3 days, but we've still been constantly texting and phoning etc, anyway today i felt myself getting jealous because she was texting my sister and had not texted me the whole day. I hate feeling this way and hate hiding my feelings now because i feel like im not being myself. So i decided to pluck up the courage and tell my sister (my sister is similar to me, shes not a great believer and wishes we could just be normal and be able to do what we want). I was so scared about telling her the truth though, because i felt ashamed, i dont want to be bisexual, but i have to get over what i am. Anyway i was about to tell my sister and i started to cry, so she knew something was on my mind. Eventually when i told her, she was really shocked, and she couldn't look at me, she just walked out of the room. I thought she would have probably gone and phoned my parents so i just stayed in my room feeling scared and alone. My sister came back after 40 minutes and she seemed more relaxed, she apologized for walking out and she comforted me, she said she wouldnt tell my parents and that i mustn't tell my parents because she knows what they will do to me if it came out. i feel better that she knows because me and my sister are really close. We talked about my friend and my sister said she thinks my friend likes me in the same way because whenever my sister speaks to her she says my friend always asks about me and asks what im upto... Now ive told my sister, i really want to tell my friend but my sister doesnt think this is a good idea. My friends coming over later and taking me and my sister out with another friend, but now i dnt know if i will feel awkward around her knowing my sister knows how i feel. im getting more and more paranoid now.
Sorry about the babbling on..
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008): What you want to do, is really up to you in the end... but being Muslim I'd advise you to tread carefully.From the little I know about religion, Muslim religion especially, they are quite rigid about these things and as you identify as being in the U.K. it might not be a matter of life and death. But all the same... the family most likely will take at the very least a little time to get used to the idea if they ever do.So, by all means follow your heart, but also listen to your head too... because the two rarely ever compliment each other.Flynn 24
...............................
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (4 August 2008):
 Hi,
Teenage sexuality is such a hard one to define. You may be a lesbian but you may also just be in a stage where another girl is so close to you you feel as though you should be physically involved.
At this stage in your life I would advise not taking things any further, you may drive her away if you open up with your true feelings as she herself is probably very confused about her own sexuality. So why not enjoy the friendship for now and when you are old enough to make your own decisions after your 18th birthday, then as you live in the U.K you are not obliged to follow the laws of your religion, you can live as a free person by yourself. But these will be momentous decisions in your life which will require a strong group of friends to back you up and some independence ( i.e a job to support yourself should your family reject you ) in being able to pay bills and rent.
There is too much to lose by coming out now so to speak.
The other poster gave you an idea of the prejudice and bigotry you will experience within your faith if you open up about your sexuality, but I like many others feel that to hide who you really are is the real sin - homosexuality is not something that can be cured and people all over the world, especially religious groups see homosexuality as the number one target in the assault on faith.. only you can decide what is best for you. So take your time and at the very least you have a close friend you can rely on to be there for you in the meantime, at your age this is a precious gift to have
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, bebe girlie  +, writes (3 August 2008):
Hi How are you ? Im a Muslim too, and Im from Kuwait.. My family is really normal though, not very strict...and you know in Arab countries we have these cases because some families forbid their children to communicate with the opposite sex. Thats why there are alot of gays and lesbians undercover because they havent really mingled with the opposite sex! They get wrong feelings towards people they are close to!! .. You are only lost because you have never been with any guy and never talked to one!!! You have developed those feelings because in your age you want to feel love and closeness to someone! They are not real feelings...and also as a muslim girl I advise you not to go through with those feelings because you know what a big sin it is in our religion....you know that you will never even smell heaven if u go through with them .. its one of the biggest sins my dear...have you ever read about what God did to Qawm "Loot"? Pray to God and ask for forgiveness...and i assure you that someday you will meet a guy and realize all your feelings were wrong! and it was all a mistake...Also try to talk to guys in college ...mingle with people..there is nothing wrong with that...but dont cross your lines and borders.. and btw i would really like to talk to you maybe in private..
Good Luck
Hiba
...............................
|
