A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What should I do, feelings for another manI am a married woman with one child and another one on the way. Last year at a party a ex colleague got drunk and told me of his affection for me. I admitted that I had feelings for him as well. We are both married with children, so nothing happened and we have remained friends since but I get the impression that he still has feelings for me and I cannot stop thinking about him. Should I cut of all ties and try to forget about him, or remain frioends and just hope the mutal feeling subside?
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (13 April 2007):
 I don't believe that there is only one person for everyone. I think that there are any number of men that we could be attracted to and build a relationship with. That's why, when we get married, we still run into other people that we feel a connection to. You are definately running on overdrive right now, being pregant really throws your body into a hormone frenzy. I was insatiable when I was pregnant, and I was an absolute emotional basketcase. Second pregnancies are not the luxuries that the first ones are, we have so much more work to do, we're so busy and don't have a moment for ourselves. Maybe an active fantasy life is a bit of an escape for you this time. I think you are probably hung up on a fantasy here. You should sit down and run through the other end of this fantasy - the divorce, the shared custody, the new house with the same old problems and more complicated new ones! You crossed the line when you were drunk at a party and allowed someone to talk about his and your feelings. You are probably going to be attracted to someone else, ten years from now, who is not your husband. The person that you made all those vows and two babies with deserves your love and commitment. Feelings are just feelings, how you choose to act on them shows your character. Blame the fact that it's really hard to put it out of your mind on the hormones and Banish him from your head the next time. You take good care of yourself and your babies. Best of Luck with Everything.
A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (13 April 2007):
 Oh sweetheart you are in a pickle aren't you I do feel for you.
You are a mum and also a new mum to be and your hormones are all over the place. How far gone are you in the pregnancy are you in the early stages or are you further along?
So you were attracted to someone at a works do or something, this guy only showed his hand when he was drunk and said how much he felt for you. Why has nothing happened since? Only now does he show more affection for you when you are at the most vunerable you can be.
A lot of men fancy pregnant women and are completely turned on by them.
Yes the true question is your new baby that you are expecting, is it a planned pregnancy, did you and your husband want this child at this time in your lives?
Are you happy in your marriage or has the dynamics changed at all since you became pregnant again?
Do you have fears about your new baby?
There are so many questions here and I think whilst you are confused do nothing at all is the safest bet.
If you are happy with your husband and the flattery has bolstered your ego then just enjoy but don't confuse it with true love as again your emotions are not something that can be certain right now.
I would sit down and talk to your husband and jokingly you can always commment on how you are getting extra attention from a male colleague and gauge his reaction.
I think there is a lot that you have not said and so you can get heaps of advice but until we truly know whether you are veering towards a relationship with this other man because things are not good at home or whether you are just totally confused then it is hard to judge.
Having male friends is fine so long as no boundaries are crossed and you know that perhaps in other circumstances you have a mutual attraction for one another but lust cannot be confused with true meaningful love which brings happiness and children into the equation such as the relatioship you seem to have with your husband.
Sit back and think about you for now and your home life with your other child and your unborn child. Don't stress yourself out about this whole thing you need to stay calm and putting your feet up girl when you get the chance.
Keep us posted and come back to any of us if you want to get any more thoughts on your situation we are always here so never be frightened to talk to any of us OK.
I wish you well and take care of yourself and that baby of yours.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2007): What should you do? Cut the ties, hun-the sooner the better. You are a married woman in her 30's, pregnant, with one child. You are not the first married lady to express that she has feelings for another man. Feelings flux, change and waver over time and that's just what they are, hun...feelings with no rational thought, to what your an affair with someone else will do to your family. I feel right now, you are adrift, you are missing something within yourself and within your marriage. Marriages are tough and complaceny settles in, raising children is darn hard work..we give, we nurture and sometimes, us gals get lost, we feel taken for granted and we end up reaching out to someone..anyone..to be our saviour. To make us feel wanted and desired. All I will say, is that if you keep drifting and feeling lost, alone and unloved...you will be ripe for an affair. You are doing beautifully up to now...you have a marriage, you are blessed with beautiful children..a home and love. Having an affair would erode your soul-the guilt will eat you alive. It will have an adverse effect on your life and you could devastate other lives, all because you are feeling needy, alone and adrift. Don't blow it, sweety. Talk to your husband. Tell him you feel like you are lost. Get him to support, encourage and hold you up through this tough time. That's what married folk do for each other. You need to take the time to understand what it is that you're looking for,..why you are experiencing all this. Stay strong and stay on course.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2007): So you don't actually want to have this feelings for ex colleague. And what about your husband? Do you love him and do you really want to stay with him? If you do love him and if you do want to stay with him you should do everything that helps you stop thinking about this ex colleague. So if it would help to cut of all ties and try to ferget about him, I in aours stead would do that. The danger of remain friends and could be, that the mutal feeling may not subside. May be you or this colleague or both will still have the feelings and you may get into something you will regret. So for you what is the worth is your marriage? Is it worth its price to cut of all ties and try to forget about him to save your marriage? You are the only one, who can answer this question! But I would like to tell you something that I have learned about all this feelings stuff and I try to explane you what I learnt about falling in love and real love. Falling in love just happens to you. You can't really controll it yourselfe. It is like beeing on drugs. The hormones in your body tell you what to do and are reigning your feelings. You can compare it with beeing drunk. The alcohol in your body makes you happy and you can forget your problems.
Real love is different. It is the decision to want the best for someone and to make this person happy. The feelings are different to the feelings of falling in love, and you don't allways feel anything. But the cheerful feelings will come back again. This is not the case with falling in love. This feelings you will only have a few month ore years, but they will not come back in the same form.
To my mind the feelings you have for this ex colleague are not real love, but I hope for you the feelings for your husband will turn to real love one day!
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (13 April 2007):
 The fact that you have a child and another on the way kinda makes things a little difficult. What is your relationship with your husband like? If its good and there arent any "issues", I personally wouldnt recommend breaking up a perfectly good marriage and family life for something that may or may not happen!
On the other hand, if you are in an unhappy marriage, then you need to find out if this person feels the same and is prepared to make the move to leave his wife and family too.
First and foremost though, your kids are most important so if you are in an unhappy marriage, the kids will feel the tension in your relationship. They are remarkable that way. Always pick up on vibes within their parents voice etc.
You have a lot to think about!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2007): i believe you should cut off all ties until your feelings subside and if the feelings come back then cut off all ties for good.
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A
female
reader, pollyanna +, writes (13 April 2007):
 Ask yourself these tough questions: Do you want to be THAT person? That person that does those dishonest things? If not... run screaming in the other direction. One thing leads quickly to the other. Does he remember telling you these things? Last year is a long time ago...especially when drunk. Let drunk dogs lie...in my opinion.
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