A
female
age
36-40,
*yperbunny
writes:I'd really appreciate any feedback on this I can get.I'm 20 years old and I started my first proper relationship over a year ago at a new job I started.He was totally besotted with me.. couldnt take his eyes off me and stuttered whenever he spoke to me. Him being the new 'totty' in the workplace was flattering for me.. and caused quite a stir with the other ladies. He eventaully got my number and called me allllll the time. I wasnt even sure If i wanted to be with him. We eventually became a couple and both got different jobs.He told me that he was totally in love with me quite quickly and that he had never felt like this about a girl before. He would do anything he possibly could for me.. and admitted himself that he was infatuated with me. To cut a long story short... we always have argued quite alot.. bickering. I found out 6 months after we met that he lied about his age and that he was in fact a year younger than me.. didnt drive.. he told a lot of lies.. but i put it all down to trying to impress me.Whenever we argue, he used to say a lot of hurtful things to me.. but i took its as being out of anger.Just before christmas we were rowing and he said that he had beeing sleeping with a girl at work.. then later said he said it out of anger. I was angry.. but let it go. He had always been insecure about me at my work place with other men so i put it down to him wanting to make me jealous...we eventually had another row over new years because i couldnt get over what he'd said about the girl at work.I also noticed he was spending alot of time with his friends after work.. stared treating me differently.. not calling me as much.. its as though the shoe had gone on the other foot. He liked me doing the running for once..After our final row he said that he needed a break and didnt know how he felt. I was distraught. He'd been my best friend my everything. I didnt call him cos he said he wanted space.. then he started calling me asking why i hadn't called him and got really nasty about it and said a lot of shit..then said it's finished. I called his house a few weeks later and his nan told me to leave him alone and get over it.HOW CAN A GUY WHO WAS TOTALLY INFATUATED WITH ME GET LIKE THIS?? We argued alot but he used to say that even if i cheate don him he's still stay with me?!?I lost my virginity to him and also had an abortion. He was abig part in my life and I know I was his.. even his family said how much he'd chnaged for the good since he met me.... He called my house phone randomly and asked if I'd texted him.. which i didnt,.. then he quickly hung up??I've been throught the last month with the tears, not eating and I'm actually moving on.. but I do still wonder what chnaged in his mind.. how can he have fallen out of love with me so fast??!?!Thnaks for any response... x
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a break, abortion, at work, best friend, christmas, girl at work, heartbroken, insecure, jealous, lost my virginity, text, workplace Reply to this Question
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female
reader, elsie +, writes (14 March 2007):
 i think a lot of warning signs were there at the start.the classic scenario of the charmer.he reeled you in(that's not to say he didnt want you)overpowered you with all these'i love yous'and has then been shown to be a liar.he may have started to have proper feelings after all.then like the coward he sounds decided to sabotage the relationship.he sounds like a child what with leaving then having the audacity to ask why you haven't called?you see darling he wants you to do all the running to make him feel big.just like he lied to make himself seem better in your eyes.sounds to me like the person he's most scared of is himself.
A
female
reader, hyperbunny +, writes (14 March 2007):
hyperbunny is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your yoiur fab feedback! Al you comments varify what I'm slowly beginning to realise.
When he initially started to break things off I was a complete mess.. literally. I think it was and still is (a bit).. the routine I missed.. him calling me in the morning.. lunch alll the time.. such a mega change. Now I see things a bit clearer.. I've started going back to the the gym.. and I've booked myself a holiday to give myself something to look forward to and get my body in tip top shape! After we split I decided to do what I should have done a year ago and apply for university to do a BA in primary education.
He was holding me back from alot of things.. because when I was with him 'nothing else mattered' accept me and him.
I do still miss him and think about him everyday, but I'm concentrating on other things and looking forward to meeting a guy where we dont argue all the time.There were good times and I have good memories.. but thats the past now and I need to move on.
I think the fact that Im quite insecure didnt help.. I kept and still do .. think about what it is I did for him to finish it in the end... but what ever happened, I'm concentrating on me! I'm not looking for a man.. let him find me. I'm concentrating on that holiday of mine.. getting ready for univeristy where I'll meet lots of new people and starting a fresh.
As time gradually passes.. I can see that you guys are right.. time is a healer. This was my first rleationship and its been an experience for me (a tough one) I felt so betrayed by not only my bf, but my best friend and at the time... my world.
I know now.. for the first time since we split that if he begged me to go back to him.. I would truly NEVER be tempted. I've built a life for myself now..
Thank you x
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (14 March 2007):
 He was infatuated with you to start off with but he's never been in love with you or he'd never have lied the way he did. Whether the lies were to impress you are one thing, he seems a bit of a habitual liar to me. He's also very insecure and immature than you are. Who's idea was it to have the abortion?
Once the initial infatuation wore off and reality set in you both realised you weren't as compatible as you once thought, that's the reason we HAVE relationships, to see if we're suited.
He never fell out of love with you, through time, he's just realised that you both had more differences than was healthy. Enjoy the good times but he is definitely NOT for you! Here is a link to help you get over a break up. I hope it helps.
http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Over-a-Break-Up
Eve
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2007): Wow this is a tricky one! No wonder you feel so confused. First of all I have to say what a jerk! (i speak as I find). You are SO much better off without him. Blokes just want their cake and eat it. Could anyone at your old workplace be jealous of you and told him malicious untrue gossip about you? Someone has got to have had an input in this to make him suddenly act this way. It sounds to me that he doesn't know what he wants himself or it could just be that he is scared of commitment. If he had never felt this way before about anyone, maybe he got cold feet. The best thing is to not contact him at all and if he contacts you do not rise to the bait. Cut all contact and please move on. I know it hurts like hell after what you have been through. I really hope this works out for you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2007): Hey Sweetie, I really feel for you but you've done so well getting over him so far I would advise you keep at it and eventually you will meet someone who will treat you much better than this guy has.
He sounds very immature to me and although it sounds as though he is your first love, you will be able to look back and think of him as simply that, your first love.
You will get over him Sweetie, he doesn't deserve you after treating you so badly. I would ignore him from now on. Keep your chin up and good luck. xxx
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A
female
reader, Ask Heather +, writes (14 March 2007):
 From what you say, he sounds very immature. His family said how much he`d changed for the good since he met you; but now it seems he`s gone back to how he was before, whatever that was. Saying out of anger that he slept with another girl is just as bad as actually doing it; it hurt you deeply, and it was only later that he said that he`d said it in anger. Being angry in No way excuses saying something wicked like that, and of course, you only have his word for it that it isn`t indeed true. I don`t know what changed his mind, why he fell out of love with you, or indeed, if he was ever in love with you, but I do know you`ve had a lucky escape from this guy who plays with heartstrings like they were guitar strings. I`m glad to hear that you are now moving on, please keep on being brave; put this lowlife behind you for good, and follow your dreams. Kind Regards, Heather.
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