A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm having a bit of a problem with confidence at the moment and I don't know how to stop feeling so bad about myself. About two years ago I was raped and I started drinking quite a lot after it, even took drugs which I'm really ashamed of.Before it happened my life was quite good, knew what I wanted to do, went out with friends a lot, had good relationships with people but after I started drinking I became a bit of a nut case. I got angry really easy, I was rubbish at my job, I'd post stupid things on Facebook when I was drunk and loads of other awkward and embarrassing things.The last six months I've stopped drinking, I'm doing better in work and sorted out money problems. But I have days where I start thinking about how crazy I was and get really embarrassed and can't stop thinking about how people see me and what they think of me.I feel so stupid some days I get a bit tongue tied and find it difficult starting up a conversation with people. I used to find it really easy talking to people and thinking of things to say but now I really worry about what everybody thinks of me. I had a boyfriend who hated me talking to men, he was always jealous and he's messaged a lot of my male friends telling them to stay away from me so I've lost a few friends because of him too. I feel like when I go to town to do shopping or something everybody is going to look at me and think how much of a mess I was. I think I've gotten over being raped as best I can, he was found guilty, I've had compensation for it and I think I've come to terms about it as best I can. But I would like some help dealing with how much of an idiot I was after it happened. I keep worrying so much about how I messed up certain things and what people think of me. How do you deal with feeling like this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2015): Please don't go through this alone and have drink and drugs as support, it won't help you. Seek professional help for this crime, you are very brave but to go it alone is a mistake on this one.
Good Luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2015): I think the best thing I could do is go to see a counsellor, I have a friend who went to counselling and she thought they weren't very good. She said she was crying once and the counsellor seemed uncomfortable and didn't know what to say. But I'm sure there are better ones out there.
I didn't do it for six months fishdish it was about a year and a half and tried stopping six months ago. I suppose I'm kind of lucky I could stop but I still have the odd day when I drink way too much.
I do live in a small town, I've been considering moving away and starting all over again. I had compensation so I was thinking I could use it to move. I think I will have to start counselling as I feel really depressed that I'm not the same as I used to be. I really miss being happy
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (18 September 2015):
 I think you've been very brave to take this all on yourself without qualified help. Now that it's been 2 years, I think it's time to ask for help from people who deal with this all the time. http://rapecrisis.org.uk
I think reacting in the way you did is entirely understandable and you should not blame yourself for acting out in less than healthy ways.
As these thoughts you are experiencing are not healthy for you, the best move for you is to get post-rape counseling.
If you feel you are struggling with staying sober, there are many organizations which help. http://www.aa.org
If you are struggling with negative thoughts then please do go get that counseling. It could turn your life around and give you great purpose.
Best wishes to you.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (18 September 2015):
 Wow. I am impressed that you had a downward spiral for only 6 months. Everyone has different reactios to trauma. There is no "right" way to deal with something where someone did something SO wrong to you. My feeling is you were entitled to get through this as best you could, and you did get through the worst of it.
I was attacked by someone semi-recently, and it has made me a lot nicer to myself overall, if my reaction is to be angry at the world, then that is okay. If I need to scream or cry or process, that is what my body says it needs at the time. Do not feel ashamed of what your reaction was. So how to do that? forgive yourself. Don't punish yourself for being human. Be nice to yourself. Pamper yourself. Sounds like you might be from a small town if you're worried about what they're thinking? I can understand. I didn't want to be around people that thought of me as a victim, or damaged. Fuck them. They don't matter, what matters is you found some difficult coping mechanisms, you realized and learned from them and changed your habits. Feel free to PM me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2015): You can't get around getting professional counseling and therapy.
Sexual assault isn't something you just get-over. Thus the drinking and drug-abuse.
You didn't seek the help you needed; so you turned to substance-abuse to numb the pain and psychological trauma. Now you're going through depression and suffering feelings of shame. I am so sorry for what you've been through; but all we can offer here is comforting words. What you really require is licensed professional help; and perhaps some group therapy so you can talk it out with others who have experienced what you have, and are the process of recovery. Start with alcoholic counseling; because you've only been six months sober. There's the danger of relapse, if you don't start professional treatment soon.
You were the victim of a horrific crime. You suffered for it. You are no idiot. You are in pain and you are working your way back. You still need help. Not getting the help you need delays healing and recovery. It's available, go find it.
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