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My husband is loving towards me but has favourites of naked women and goes to chat sites and looks at porn!

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems, Pornography<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 September 2015) 3 Answers - (Newest, 24 September 2015)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

My Question is, is it ok for your husband to seek out new sexy females as friends on social networks constantly and connecting with porn or other people he is attracted to by following or friending them, he knows it hurts me when he does this and has said he would stop but he said that before and I recently found out about another account he had and he was doing everything he said he would not do anymore, over and over with some but he said he never chatted with them or talked to them but he favorite their naked pic am I wrong to feel hurt and betrayed since he did not chat as he says or meet up with them so no cheating he does not see any harm it it, I never minded him looking at porn mag or video but when he searches to connect with them online that is what bothers me or he fixates on one girl I know lots of questions sorry hope someone can shed light on this for me, he keeps saying I been with you for three years and I never cheated, so he tries to make me feel bad cause I feel bad he does this, he is loving towards me every day,

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A male reader, Ankit_The_Mad India +, writes (24 September 2015):

Ankit_The_Mad agony auntDear,

You should try to find out the reasons why he desperately watch so much porn & take interest in connecting with the characters in it.

A casual talk with him on the topic would be definitely fruitful.

Also look at the patterns of his searches. If he frequently search for the same type of porn; you should ask him about his fantasy. Try to fulfill his fantasy's if it is doable.

Ask him how he would feel if you do the same with other males on internet.

Good luck !

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (18 September 2015):

YouWish agony auntIt's one thing if it were just anonymous porn, but he's taken it too far in that he's reaching out to these women, making them no longer anonymous. That in my opinion crosses the line into overt disloyalty and travels into emotional cheating.

He is out of line friending these women on social media. How would he feel if you were following other men, liking their pictures, and actively talking about having sex with them?? Not quite as fun when the shoe is on the other foot.

You need to make more than idle threats. If you won't put up with this, then you need to follow through. This isn't a matter of "I treat you well, so you need to accept this". That's manipulation on his part.

Tell him that it doesn't matter how he treats you when he's cheating by taking it beyond the boundary of anonymity. What he is doing is wrong, because the next step is him trying to meet them on adultfriendfinder or ashley madison or whatever site replaces it.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (18 September 2015):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntNo, it's not "OK." Whilest he will tell you that ogling/chatting and the like are not "real cheating".... they are for this reason: He is compromising his dedication and loyalty to YOU. Some will refer to "mental" cheating... and say that it "doesn't count" until genitals touch. That is B/S... and you know it.

Give hubby an ultimatum..... you, or his "other" G/Fs....

And be prepared to part ways with him if he doesn't answer as you hope.....

Good luck....

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