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Im having an affair, I love her not my wife, cant break free, what should I do ?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Cheating, Dating, Marriage problems, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 March 2007) 15 Answers - (Newest, 10 May 2008)
A male Jamaica age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Life is in a mess. I have to choose between my wife and my outside child's mother. I have two kids with my wife - 2 year old (outside child same age)and a 3 month old. Have a great family life. But Outside woman just does the trick for me. I am so convinced to leave my family divorce my wife and marry the other woman. I don't want to be a hyprocryte to love and to myself. My wife loves me but i dont' love her that much instead my true love is for the other woman. Everything is in the open but all parties are hurting. I have tried to break free but can't.

View related questions: affair, divorce

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2008):

I promise you that the "in love stage" will end in about 2-3 years with the other woman and you will be right back where you started with your wife. Its a cycle you will repete over and over again. Your in a state of euphoria and when that stage is over with and you have to move into the mature love stage it will be like your marrraige all over again. I suggest you see a counceler and read the 5 love language book becuase you are making a big mistake that you will repeat over and over again. Your not acctualy in love with the other woman you in what they call the addiction stage. Your in love wiht being in love thats the addiction not her. She could be anyone and the euporia is the addiction you need to feed and she is the supplier but in 2-3 years when she can no longer supply you and she becomes a nag you will see what i meant!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008):

What you have done is morally wrong. You are imature and extremely selfish. Whoever gets you is the big loser. You no doubt feel so much passion for other women. Go out and rob a store, you feel the same way. You aren't feeling passion, you feel reckless excitment. Your sin will affect more people than you realize. Grow up. Think of someone besides your self.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007):

my husband did the same thing you are doing..just had to see what it was like- turns out the other woman who loved him so much didn't want him no more since he was divorced. the thrill was gone- so you better watch yourself. You have already messed up- too bad for your kids and loyal wife. My husband had to learn the hard way. He had everything with me, no he has nothing and less money to get anything. Cheaters always pay..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2007):

Divorce her and go for your love, but do it honestly and give all support to your children and remain friends with your wife.

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A male reader, Ponungalungb United States +, writes (1 April 2007):

Ponungalungb agony auntI think you've already crossed the Rubicon when it comes to knowing what to do and when to do it when you get two women pregnant at the same time (one being your wife). Your options are limited to trying to be the best father you can be. Considering the circumstances, you've got your hands full.

Good luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Me being a good father has never been brought into question. This situation just boils down to my personal feeling and not knowing what to do and when to do it. It would be good if you stick to the issue at hand mr. Ponungalungb. First comment u made was appreciated. Have a good day.

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A male reader, Ponungalungb United States +, writes (1 April 2007):

Ponungalungb agony auntAnyone can produce a child, but it takes more than a hard cock to be a father. You need to learn the difference.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I know there may not be a better life on the other side.. The other woman cannot top my wife at all. It wasn't an affair that i had with the other woman it was more like I had an affair with my wife. I was with the other woman first locked other off and married. I got these two woman pregnant the same time. They know everything. I am the one who is stressed. Further more I just had a three month old son with my wife. ad she has all this dealing with. Last night the other woman told me that she was pregnant ... i remember she kept on asking me what if she got pregnant again what would i do.. i never answered. No she is. the story gets even more complicated. So both women have two kids for me. ohh brother..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2007):

ask yourself why you cant leave your wife? its not like you only have children with her to keep you there, if you were so unhappy why have another baby, maybe the other woman seems to mean more because she is not your wife, maybe life with her 24/7 would not be what you think it would be, did you plan a baby with her, your relationship with your wife was clearly not all right otherwise why stray in the first place, maybe this all in the open will put a big spotlight on your relationship and you will be able to see what went wrong. you cant have your cake and it eat. the other woman will obviously doing all in her power to encourage you to her, is all this attention the attraction, there are children involved, make your choice for good, and work hard at it, maybe your wife will never forgive you anyway and your delema will be sorted for you. good look.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2007):

I think the best advice i will share is .."talk to your wife" about your relationship, if there is a problem 'solve it' in the best way..its not the other woman that can solve your problem..its yourself that knows the answer to all the question that bothers to your mind..and if you really dont have feelings anymore to your wife..talk to your children so that they can able to understand what really happen to you and your wife..because the most affected about your situation is your CHILDREN its not easy to deal with this problem...ANNE 8

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A female reader, Ask Heather +, writes (29 March 2007):

Ask Heather agony auntWhat a Gooey Mess you`ve made for yourself, and the women; but most of all the children you`ve had, for they ARE YOUR CHILDREN. Not what you want to hear; but there are many men & women who`d give ANYTHING to have what you have (no I don`t mean having an affair), but to be able to have a baby, much loved & wanted, by two parents. My Advise, as you don`t love your wife and want to be with the other woman; leave your wife, but keep in contact with your children. Try to make a life with your other woman and your child by that woman until the next woman takes your fancy. It might be an idea to use condoms. Heather.

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A female reader, Silence is Golden United Kingdom +, writes (29 March 2007):

you can not stay in a relationship that you are so unhappy in, but your wife deserves the decency to be told the truth of how you feel. that way you can let her go and find real happiness with someone that deserves her. You cant stay just for the sake of the kids. Kids are always the ones that suffer the most, but trust me its alot easier to walk away when they are young then when they are older and understand whats going on. This situation is not fair to any of you. So follow your heart and be honest with everyone including yourself.

Good luck!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2007):

Remember, it's not fair for you to feel trapped just because everyone around you is hurt that you had an affair and fell in love. Leave your wife and go with the other woman. Ask your wife for a divorce and eventually she'll agree to give you the divorce papers.

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A male reader, Ponungalungb United States +, writes (29 March 2007):

Ponungalungb agony auntI don't know what the question is. It sounds like you're looking for moral support to leave your wife and marry the outsider. You won't get any pats on the back from here. No "attaboys" either.

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence . . . until it's your grass. Then it starts turning brown, just like your grass is now.

Everyone in your dealings deserves a better deal. . . your wife, your mistress, and especially your children.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2007):

Sorry your life is in a quandry but it is all of your own making. You should of thought of the hurt,kids etc when you first started out the outside woman. Only you can decide, but i wish you had considered all of this beforehand.

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