A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi ok, here it goes. I thought everything in my relationship was going great, until I became jealous and possesive, it runs in the family we are all italian women and become like that. no matter how pretty I'am I become insecure and can't stand him doing anything without me or texting any girl or any girl phoning him i crack and loose my temper, I have tried to control it but I can't, I fight with him over anything. I have relized it comes from a deep mistrust I have for men, since being raped when I was 18 by ten guys and being in an abusive relationship before that. I never had a father growing up and was practically raised by a bunch of women ( mother, aunts and grandmother). My brother and I were also close but he died in a car accident and that hurt me terribly, I am still struggling to get over it and my mother has now become addicted to alcohol and pain killers. But basically what I need help with is the fact that I went to a kids birthday party not so long ago with my boyfriend and my mother. When I got there , there was my boyfriends best friend who is totally in love with him and is trying to break us up so I got upset because everytime I turned around he was standing with her, obviously we all had too much to drink and my mother being an alcoholic was dead drunk she kept on saying "he is wrong" and rubbing me up against him, we then had a fight and he had an outburst swearing and carrying on infront of all the children and then him and my mother started fighting. We left and it just got worse my mom had to catch a lift home with his cousin and then they slept together, and now I have written her off. I feel she is a slut and no worth being called a mother. His mother is upset with me and says its all my fault, now I cant go to his house anymore, his mother says he never had problems like this with his exs. I don't know what to do he has left me once since then, but we got back together. I feel like I'm now walking on eggshells. please help. please also note that I apologized to the family whose kids birthday it was and my ex insists he did nothing wrong after him and his mother ganged up on me, she obviously took his side and said my jealousy drove him to it. I don't know how to carry on his treating me like crap. And my mother is denying the hole sleeping with his cousin after I saw the text messages between them. I am getting help for my jealousy, but he is the same.Please help I'am heartbroken and don't know if I can carry on with this relationship or seeing my mother.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): thanx for the advice um my boyfriend broke up with me after all. he said we can get back together after i sort out my problems. but i cant get back with him even though i love him he said some hurtful things like im damaged goods ect. the reason why i said i was raped like that is because i cant remember most of it but the people showed me photos and i woke up next to two guys, i have learned to block it away in my mind, but it some how affects me. its fine if you dont believe me im just looking for advice and i know i can do it anon. thats why i speak so freely. i have also sorted things out with my mom and we are fine now i found out it wasn't what I thought. i feel very silly.
I have also taken up mixed martial arts so I can protect myself and get out my frustrations. I'am seeking more professional help like a therapist to deal with everything but i cant help feeling alone.
thank you
A
female
reader, howcomehoney  +, writes (11 February 2011):
 You say you're getting help for your jealousy. Are you seeing a therapist? I think that might be a useful step for you. You say you were raped by ten men when you were eighteen - this is a huge statement to make, and you say it in an offhand way. Maybe this isn't the moment for you to be in a relationship. It sounds as though you have some issues to work out on your own first. If you want to be able to love and understand someone else, you must start by loving and understanding yourself.I think you need to talk to a professional. Leave the rest aside for the moment, and concentrate on yourself.
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