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Im 16 and not sure if my teacher is flirting with me or not!!?

Tagged as: Age differences, Big Questions, Forbidden love, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 March 2007) 13 Answers - (Newest, 27 February 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

hey guys..

so i'm sixteen years old and I'm confused about the way that a teacher of mine has been acting. I cannot decipher if the way he stares at me in the hallways is flirting or what. He was my teacher last yr and I did have a lot of problems with him...he thought me and my friends were stalking him and whatnot...also one day he made a comment about my curly hair..."we have the same hair but I brush mine" This type of comment was uncalled for and weirdly cruel...I've heard before that when teachers develop crushes the first tell-tale sign is that they become cruel..? it would have definitely not occured to me that he was in some way attracted soley by his cruelty but can't a girl tell when an adult male stares at her for a bit too long. In the time that i was in his class we looked at eachother constantly; and now I can feel his eyes on me everytime we see eachother in the halls or w.e...and when he walks past me he tries to avert his eyes if he catches me catching him look at me. When I walk past him he "struts" and when he catches me talking to other male teachers he looks I'm confused...I personally do feel some sexual tension but i dunno...he's 35 and he is pretty damn hot...What do you guys think?

View related questions: crush, flirt, my teacher, stalking

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A female reader, miss.melody United Kingdom +, writes (27 February 2010):

if it's just harmless flirting go for it if u want 2 talk plz ask i have a friend who's goin throught the same thing and i now know as much as she does about him now so it will b refreshing to hear about a different teacher!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009):

I am 16 as well and having a similar problem with one of the gym teachers at my school.....well he isn't my teacher but i have weight training and see him everyday while waiting for my class to start or sometimes he substitutes for my class sometimes....well anyway he gives me very flirtacious looks, and sometimes sings very suggestive songs to me like the song by akon...."I wanna F*** you"

sometimes when my class has extra time in class we go out to the gym and play basketball and he joins me sometimes but he gets very very close to me as if he were close enough to hug me then when he backs up he gives me a very flirty look....

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A female reader, dreamingwithabrokenheart United States +, writes (15 May 2008):

dreamingwithabrokenheart agony aunteverybody says that this is so taboo, and a relationship with both a married man and a teacher is definitely taboo, but at that point i disagree. there's really nothing wrong with HARMLESS flirting without sexual connotations or anything inappropriate. it is fun and no one is hurt. just make sure it doesn't go beyond that!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008):

everyone here seems to be supporting the idea that accepting romantic interests from you TEACHER is acceptable. it's not. and not just because it's illegal. you don't know how this will affect your mind psychologically, whose life you might ruin because you believe that you "love" him. You have to understand that you and the teacher are on two totally different planets when it comes to what you see yourself getting out of the relationship. You may see it as a timeless, flirty fling and he has only one thing in mind. I had a highschool teacher hit on me for three years. I didn't want him to, but he never left me alone nor stopped starring at me. Everyone in the class saw what was happening, but no one said anything about it. no one helped me. I was counting the days until i got out of highschool. However I must say, that in the beginning I was nieve and thought that it was cute and kind of flattering that he liked me, but it got worse and I realized I had no way out. And then a FEMALE university professor hit on me for a whole year (THAT was a traumatizing experience because I am female and I am in NO WAY gay). You need to make sure this teacher knows that you're not there to flirt with him and scandalize your life. You're there to learn, have a normal school experience, and make something of yourself in this world (something that HE has already done of himself and need to let you do as well! - without him trying to screw you up (pun intended) for his own lustful pleasure.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2008):

I think that this is a very very bad choice, not only because he is older than you, but because he will disrespect you and make you do things that you don't want to do. [hello there i am a physco, and would like to say dat dis is a very bad choice... people do this, and u'll end up getting raped... thanks man]

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A female reader, Amy2007x United Kingdom +, writes (23 September 2007):

Amy2007x agony auntI know how you feel, so mail me and we could chat about this?


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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2007):

Dont listen to the killjoys...i'm not saying act on anything, but a little bit of flirting is fun and exciting.....and totally helps you get through the school day. I know i certainly enjoyed the sexual tention with my science teacher....ahh those were the days...better still i totally aced my final exams for his subject... So it cant all be that bad right? :-)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2007):

Hey, I'm seventeen and know where you're coming from. I have a teacher who is 23 and acts the same way towards me. I know that I can flirt a bit with him now, which I do and he does a bit back, but I've already made a decision. I'm thinking that if I'll just lay low until I'm 18 and done with school and then I'll contact him at that point so it won't be illegal (and awkward) everything will fall into place. This same thing happened to my parents: my dad was my mom's teacher and they waited until she was graduated to date, so the same thing can happen with you if you want it to. My advice is, if you're really interested in this guy, hang in there until you're 18 and graduated; otherwise, if you're not interested in him anymore, just ignore any advances he makes. Good luck!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2007):

When I was at school (I am 30 now) I had a teacher flirt with me. We always got on well right from when I joined that school at the age of 13.

About a month before I finished school at 18 we slept together and actually had a relationship for about 9 months. The reason it finished was because the school found out what had happened and so he got sacked and had to go abroad to get another teaching job.

Looking back now the only reasons it happened on my part was because it was flattering to have an older man attracted to me and because it was exciting. For him I think it was flattering to have a younger girl attracted to him. The chances are that if this is really happening to you to, the reasons are the same!

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A female reader, CARAwwr. United Kingdom +, writes (28 March 2007):

CARAwwr. agony auntOh, well this happens to me too.

Apart from a bit more.

He looks up my skirt, talks to my chest and never stops the eye contact.

He gives me extra tutoring after school and I can feel the same as you, it's like sexual tension.

All my friends tell me I'm too good for him and that he's a pervert, but I think I'm in love with him.

I dunno if I just want it to be like this.

But I would never ever ever take it further unless I were four years older, but then he'd be like 37, and I'd be 18.

I'm just a bit confused. But I know what you're feeling, sort of.


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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2007):

I'd say try to wait until you are 18 and graduated from highschool.

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A male reader, agony_uncle_r United Kingdom +, writes (18 March 2007):

i think your wanting him to have a crush on you, your reading things about him that sound trivial.

and if by any small fraction you are right and he does have a crush, hed be wrong and moral inept to act on those feelings.

apart from teacher/pupil relations being illegal theyre also morally wrong and a breach of a 'professional' relationship. he would face jail,the sack and a loss of reputation, youd face a life you could of easily avoided.

i say be sensible, avoid him and see someone your own age

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A female reader, AskEve United Kingdom +, writes (18 March 2007):

AskEve agony auntTeachers and pupils (at least while they're being taught by that teacher) DO NOT MIX! It's like someone asking the question "should I continue seeing this married man?"

1. Married men are out of bounds

2. Teachers are out of bounds

No matter how much you think he's flirting with you, ignore it or tell him he's out of line!


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