A
female
age
30-35,
*hereisthelove94
writes:Me and my boyfriend of 2 years broke up recently. The relationship was at tipping point and although we loved each other (and still do) very much and had a great connection and friendship, it was time that we either did something about it, or brake up. We're in the midst of giving it another go now and I've recently found out (not from him, he denied everything) that for the few months we were broken up, he has been sleeping with another girl. He met her while he was still in a relationship with me. I never had any reason to worry as I trust him wholeheartedly and he always claimed that she was "just some girl". Although I know he never cheated on me, she was obviously always in the wings as it was a matter of weeks after we broke up that they were sleeping with each other. Although what he does when he's single is none of my business, while we've been broke up he has also slept with me, never told me about her and even swore blind that he hadn't been with anyone else.He told me that he only slept with this girl because he didn't think we'd ever get back together (frankly I just believe he was attracted to her and wanted the thrill of sleeping with someone new)and that he still loves me more than anything in the world and wants to be with me more than ever. He told me that being with someone else made him realize that he's not ready to let me go. Him and this girl are NOT a match, they are very different people, but when he slept with her I don't think he realized this, I think he thought that he could make something of him and her. Now that he's realized that they're not a match, he wants me back but I can't help feeling like second best? Am I right to feel this way or am I being silly?He admitted to me that he would never take me back if the tables were turned and yet I'm still trying to make things work... Shouldn't he be the one asking for ME back now? He has hurt me on a level that he could never understand, and even though we were apart and technically had no ties to each other, my loyalties were still with him and the thought of even touching another guy makes me feel sick. He was far from the perfect boyfriend and I've let him blame me for the ruin of this relationship because half the time I see no point in fighting back as he doesn't listen anyway. For the past month I have cried every day and every night, I've felt like killing myself and even gone as far to google how to do so. I have struggled to make every second pass, and all the while he's been out there having fun with some other girl just weeks after we break up, and still expects ME to beg for HIM? Isn't there something wrong with that picture?My question is, should I even be considering taking him back if he told me he would never take me back if the tables were turned? I'm trying to prove to him how much I really do love him, I feel like a pathetic loser, a doormat and second best, but I'm trying to swallow my pride and show him that I really do love him and want to make this work after everything we've been through.Any advice on the situation would be much appreciated.
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broke up, cheated on me, get back together, swallow Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 July 2013):
 I would not take him back. Breakups are usually indicative of issues in a relationship that require heavy intervention.
the fact that he probably broke up with you so he could sleep with her guilt free and says he would NOT take you back if you did this indicates he has a double standard and that is not reasonable.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2013): Honey, never take back a cheater. never. its a sign to men that you are weak and too forgiving. as a thirteen year old girl, you'd expect me to say yes, but i actually study this stuff deeply, and know a lot. more than most adults. no no no no no
!!!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 July 2013):
 I think all the junk from your first "go around" are still there. There WAS a good reason you two broke up, don't forget that.
Sometimes it feels easier to go back with someone you were with for a good while, hoping it will be better second time around, but rarely does it actually work.
You are not happy so WHY stick it out?
He IS being very honest when he says he wouldn't take you back if the tables were turned, THAT alone should tell you HOW committed he is to YOU.
Though he slept with someone while you two broke up, that is not really uncommon. You two had set no rules for the break and some people (both guys and gals) think that fucking someone else will make them feel better about the break up.
BUT he lied about it. He GOT to know her while he was still dating you... so obviously he was just really waiting for an excuse or reason to have sex with her.
If you are not happy, end it. You are still so young and there are PLENTY of other good guys out there.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 July 2013):
 I think you're setting yourself up for more and more disappointment in the future....
We guys.. once we know we have girl "in the palm of our hand...." really won't do much to accomodate her. It's all about our penises... and where we can find pleasure for it....
You can excuse yourself from the situation now... or wait and do so later, after you've endured enough angst to make you a very angry woman... who does so (leaves) in distress...
There are four submittals prior to mine.... all say the same thing... can you "get" the pattern???
good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2013): My dad once told me that the reason why my mom and him are still together because my mom never left him despite of his shortcomings.
He was the best dad in the world but not as a husband.
I grew up seeing my mom crying over my dad's womanizing.
although we were like picture perfect as a family.
But its an open secret that my dad can't be a good husband.
Why am i sharing this to you?
Because you have 2 options.
1. Accept him again and believe everything he has to say although deep inside you know, half of it could be true, half lies. Just be like my mom, a martyr. Now its all behind them. Its all in the past. My mom got her prize. My dad. she fought for him so hard.
I guess that's what you call unconditional love.
2. or Forget him. say no to him. save yourself from this man who just cause you too much emotional and mental stress, your not even sure if where your relationship with him would go.
No one can tell.
But before you make a decision I highly recommend for you to pray to God and ask him for signs or guidance. Love can be very stressful. I know. That's why i prefer to be be alone.
At least for now.
But don't lose hope. I'm sure you can make a wise decision.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2013): Weigh the pros and cons. He was far less than the perfect boyfriend. Didn't take him long to sleep with another girl after the breakup.
He has you begging for him to come back?
Were the tables turned, he says he wouldn't take you back.
On top of all this he lied to you?!
By no means do you swallow your pride. Your dignity is all you have, and don't you allow him to take it from you.
Girlfriend, get a grip. You better get some lady-power going, and face reality. Drama queens are never happy.
You have to learn to let a boy go when they don't treat you right. You are telling him it's okay; and you'll take him back regardless of what he has done. He can sneak to her behind your back, and sleep with you as well. That is what he'll do, if you take him back.
He'll promise you the moon, as long as he knows you won't sleep with other boys. He's got it made. He can cheat, lie, and reject you. All he has to do is say he'll never do it again, and he's all set. It's all win win for him. Zero for you.
Lady aunts, help this poor sweet girl!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2013): You do not seem happy. No one should tell you what to do, it is your relationship and your life. However, you have written this article and are asking for opinions.Ok, I am a mature person so I would say if I were you I would break up and move on. Next time you are on a break with someone please do not sleep with him yourself. Break is break, you let him have his cake and eat it.Read books by Alan and Barbara Pease. we are in 21 century but men are men and they like to chase women, if when there is break up and we women sleep with the them they do not need to make any effort. I would say there was nothing wrong with him sleeping with someone else while on break with you only if he was not sleeping with you.He was sleeping with you so it is not ok for him to do so.Do not settle for second best, do not be second best. Do not let anyone make you feel the way you are feeling. And nobody is worth of you thinking suicide, never.This phase will pass. There are many decent men out there, you are only 18-20. Please do not allow anyone make you feel this way.Good luck
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A
female
reader, xAx +, writes (15 July 2013):
 Ive been in this exact situation except she was my best friend. Being with my then ex, I lost who I was. Dont lose your pride for someone you feel you have to tried hard to love and deny the person you are. You can't pretend to be someone youre not or feel something that you don't. You have too many doubts to go back into a relationship again to make it honestly work. I ended up cheating on my boyfriend to realise how hard I was pretending everything was alright. Sooner or later you'll forget him and will find someone who treats you better.
And the fact that he said he wouldn't take you back says something too - he wouldnt put himself this emotional pressure for you
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