A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is it discrimination if you get fired from a job or a placement because of being too sensitive and getting upset easily? I was on a work placement, which was voluntary, as I was put on it through a training course i am on to help get me back into work, but I got fired today because I have got upset a few times there. The boss said that she had to be careful about the way she spoke to me in case i got upset. Some mistakes were what I made on the computer and the phone, as I was on reception (I had never done reception work before I went on this placement ), and the biggest mistake I made, and the one that was the most serious to me, was that a man came into the building yesterday and told me that he wanted to use the computer (it's a day centre). I was in the kitchen at the time tidying up, and he asked me if it was okay to use the computer. I forgot to mention it to the boss, and it turned out that the boss ended up locking him in the building. Luckily though, he had only been locked in for a short while, and she realized as he was banging on the door to get out, and she was stood outside. He would have been in the building for another three hours if she hadn't noticed, as the day centre shuts in the afternoon then reopens at night. She took me into her office this morning and told me about it. She didn't even shout at me, but she told me how it could have been dangerous. I got really upset and had an outburst. I went mad and said that I was going to call my advisor on the training course and said that I had had enough. She told me that she only told me about it so that I wouldn't make the same mistake again. Maybe I overreacted with my outburst, but at the time, I felt really embarrassed and felt like it made me look stupid, and it did seem like a big deal. At first she said it was my decision as to whether I finished the placement or not, as I was only supposed to have two more weeks there, but in the end, she told me to leave, but said she was sorry to see me go. She also said she thought I had done the work well, but it's just that I lack confidence and get upset easily. She also said that I am difficult for her to work with. That hurt. At one point she even said I was on another planet!. And she said that she doesn't have the time to deal with someone like me, as today, we spoke in her office for over an hour, and she said she wouldn't be able to talk for that long again if I got upset again, and she said she would bet money on it that I would get upset again before the placement was supposed to have ended, and she said it would have been guaranteed to happen. And yet, before that happened, she told me that if they paid wages there, she would have given me employment, and she said she thought my confidence had grown since I first started there. I feel like my confidence has been knocked again now though. She also said today that she wasn't sure where I would fit in in the working world, since I'm so sensitive. I also suffer from anxiety, and lack communication skills and I am very shy, and I worry that i will never be able to keep a job because of all this. It's a shame because in some ways, I did enjoy working there. I don't see why she couldn't have just stuck it out for the next couple of weeks either, as I could have done that, as it isn't very long. It's making me feel really bad that i didn't actually get fired because of not telling her about that man, but because of the way I reacted when she told me about it.I might add more to this later, as I'm not sure if I've missed anything out. I'm not sure if I need to go on another placement yet, but I have to call my advisor on Monday and explain what happened.
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female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (13 June 2011):
 OP I agree with Cerberus..you need some help.
You seemed to have this warped idea of the world, that everything is fair and your the only one who has problems.
The fact is, your boss was right to dissmiss you. From what I can see, you were disrupting the workplace and wern't a reliable worker. Btw, reliable doesnt just mean turning up on time, it means being able to trust someone with tasks and know that they arnt going to fall apart over something minor. Your homelife has nothing to do with your job, so of course it wouldent be considered, you are expected to come into work and leave anything personal at home. Shes in a higher position than you, she has more important things to worry about than an over-sensitive member of staff who is "in the clouds" and may disrupt the day-centre if you forget something or if someone says something remotely critical to you.
You need to grow up and stop feeling sorry for yourself, your current mindset of blaming everyone else for your mistakes is going to leave you lonely and poor. You recognise that you need better communication skills; then go get them.
You recognise that you have a short temper and are sensitive to criticism; then go sort it out.
There are many good people who are out there who are very ill or live in a 3rd world country and would love to be in the position you are in, with so many opportunities. Get over yourself and start living.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): I'm sorry but i cant afford not to have money.no one can.and i'm not having a go at all.i'm just saying what i think.another girl walked out last week because she didnt like the boss.and i was doing well,and even better,last week,with my work,than i did on my first week .even the boss said so.and it isnt right that she completely blamed me for what happened with that man when she was to blame too.also i had something else on my mind too.i guess people like me dont deserve relationships either.and cerberus,you seem very cold hearted and full of yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): OP get professional help. You're now doing the exact same thing to the people who criticized you here. You just can't handle it, you can't handle differing views to yours at all you get crazy and defensive like everyone is out to get you.
You're no right in this matter, it is stupid to cry at the drop of a hat at your age. grow the hell up OP, you're not a child, the world isn't going to bend to suit what you need, it's not going to change just because you want it to, you're the one who has adapt to life no the other way around. If you don't learn how to do that, you have loooooooong haaaaaaard life of crushing disappointment ahead of you.
No, not everyone has a right to a job, you have a right to be considered, but a person like you isn't going to last long anywhere.
By making a complaint you're just over reacting again, again you really are just being a nightmare aren't you? You're acting like a spoilt child OP. How is any of this going to benefit you? How is being this hypersensitive and short tempered helping your life? It's not. Go get help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): It's also ridiculous to say that " someone my age " shouldn't cry at the drop of a hat ! . Anyone of any age has feelings and can get emotional !.I don't agree that it was difficult for her to be around me either, as she hardly saw me during the day !. Will write more soon.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): I'm going to put a complain in against the company, or at least, against the boss, as i can do that, as i read the rules of their company in my work file. Unfortunately, i haven't been able to speak to my advisor today, as i tried to call, but she was busy with a customer at the time, sp i'll have to try again tomorrow. I really hope that my benefits aren't going to get stopped because of what the boss did too. it wasn't me who decided to leave though.I was willing to carry on, as there were only two more weeks to go, and it was only voluntary anyway.The boss should have let me carry on for those reasons. I also agree with the anonymous poster that it was her responsibility to check the room before she left, as she was the keyholder, and i agree that she should have HELPED me, not fired me.She should also have been sympathetic to the fact that i have been out of work for a long time ,and dont have much work experience in general, and that i had problems at home, e.t.c. Who does she think she is, miss perfect ?. While i agree that i shouldn't have lost my temper infront of her, i still think that she has treated me unfairly too. And it isn't right that one of the other volunteers has had warnings or having lots of time off sick, and yet i didn't get a warning, i was told to go straight away. It isn't right. I disagree that people who get easily upset and offended like myself don't have a right to have a job. EVERYONE has the right to have a job .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): I think some aunts on here are being abit harsh on you tbh!
Being defensive is probably something you've learnt from having to stand up for yourself, but to listen to someone who is talking about a situation and trying to discuss with you how it can be avoided again is a mature thing to do and a skill you've yet to learn.
I totally agree with one aunt who said your boss was equally if not more at fault for not checking the building, in fact i would say that was her sole responsability as the keyholder! but she was talking to you about the situation and as long as you can remain calm, you can just listen to what she has to say and then think about what she said, you can always go back and calmly put across your point of view. It's never a good thing to let anger or emotional outbursts get in the way of a discussion at work. Learning to control our emotions is something we all need to do, learn to recognise when our emotions are rising and learning some coping strategies are very helpful in life, but it takes time to look at yourself and look at situations you've experienced and try to think how you could avoid the outburst. Could you make a point of listening to someone, keep silent and then have a 'script' of things to say? maybe 'I'm sorry things went wrong with .....' or 'i can see why your not happy with ...' i find to acknowledge another person's unhappiness in a situation difuses things and usually puts the other person at ease and makes them more open minded to anything you might want to say that defends yourself, such as "i'm sorry that person was locked in earlier, it must have been quite scary for him" .. then pause and let them say something, and try calmly to discuss the situation, if you did something wrong, and can see you have done somethign wrong, simply say, 'sorry! i'll know better next time' and try to make light of the situation, humour is great for difusing things too or just being pleasant.
Be brave and if you have something to say which is right which defends you, say it nicely, pleasantly, or maybe as as a question, such as. "I'm sorry the man was locked in, but i assume the building was checked before being locked up?" this would kind of innocently shift the blame! In most businesses or establishments, the building should be checked before being locked, it wasn't your responsability, and also your boss lacked communication by not asking the staff if anyone was inside. It is the keyholder's responsability to check the building is empty and windows closed etc before locking up... SHE made that mistake!
But, your emotional outburst shows you are still young and haven't learnt any coping skills with dealing with people, that can only come with time and experience. It would be a good idea to talk to your doctor about all your worries about your emotions and any other conditions you may think you have been left with from your premature birth, maybe ask someone you trust to go with you, such as mum or an aunty?
Keep driving on with your doctor if you seriously believe you have health issues which affect your life, nothing comes easy but its down to you to keep on to the doctor until you get the assessment you need.
It could be that a social worker might be helpful for you while you're sorting yourself out with work and your emotional issues.
I also thought the aunt who suggested working with plants or children was right too.. think of something that interests you which might be an area where you could work, or gardening or a cafe might be a good place where you can peacefully get on with your work without too much responsability, just doing whats needed to be done.
Consider being open with your next boss and try to discuss with them about your experiences as nobody's perfect!, but explain you want to learnt how to overcome things. Equal opportunities is a big thing here in the uk. A good boss should try to understand and help someone who is willing to better themselves by providing some support or a mentor.
I really hope things get easier for you, take care x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): OP you probably failed the incapacity benefits assessment because you haven't been diagnosed with any kind of condition that would make you unable to work.
Again counseling or other kind of psychological work is most likely what you need. Go to your doctor and discuss the situation. Talk to them about what happened, they'll be able to refer you to the right people. OP don't accept any medication from a doctor without a proper psychological assessment if possible. Medication for anxiety and depression don't actually solve the problem and your goal is to get to a stage in your life where you can work and gain some independence, there would be no point in just switching your dependence to medication unless it is prescribed by a shrink and will have the long term benefits you need.
Don't worry about what happened in this job, it didn't work out, it happens but it's important you use this as a springboard to improve upon the things that went wrong.
Go see your doctor.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 June 2011):
 I am surprised that you are surprised, your boss handled the matter in the only way she could have handled it. It is normal for a new employee to make mistakes, and it is also normal that the employee is able to take in the right spirit the criticisms or corrections to her mistakes. The appropriate reaction would have been a " sorry, it won't happen anymore ", an angry or teary outburst is totally out of line . If you have such an extreme sensitivity that you can't fit in with the customary practices of a normal work environment, perhaps it's not your fault.... but surely it's not the employer's fault either and she is not necessarily obliged to tolerate your peculiarities.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): Rule number one in any workplace is NEVER lose control of your emotions, which is what you did. Employers need staff who can control themselves in all types of situations and maintain a professional attitude.
My advice is to learn from this experience and do not repeat these mistakes again.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): Ampersand, i am on Jobseeker's Allowance, which are benefits that we can receive here in the uk when we are out of work. If you're not sure what that is, you can google it. I tried to get on Incapacity Benefit, which is for people who have disabilities, but i had to have an assessment and i failed it. I think because i looked ok in my appearance, they didn't believe that there was anything wrong with me, which is stupid, as , just becasue you look ok on the outside, doesn't mean you feel ok inside. I want to thank you for your kind words too, and i agree that it was wrong of my boss on my placement to say that i don't have a place in the working world ( that was really harsh ).I also still live with my family ( i always have ). I'm not a very independant person. I was wrapped in cotton wool by my parents when i was a child as i was born three months premature, and i got bullied alot at school and college. My dad was also very strict and verbally abusive towards me at times, athough he was a good provider financially. I got diagnosed with anxiety when i was in my teens. My family forced me to get benefits though as they say i should have some sort of money coming in if i am not working. I briefly had counselling when i was younger, but didn't feel that it helped. I have never been on any medication though. When i had the assessment for Incapacity Benefit, i don't think the knew how many problems i had ( i can't remember much about the assessment though, as it was a long time ago ). I have never had a long term job, and i have either quit or been fired from other places in the past. It seems as though i haven't found the right kind of environment. It is the rules of the government at the moment that people on Jobseeker's Allowance have to go on training courses and do a mandatory work placement, so i guess i was forced to go on it, and didn't really feel ready . I know it's just a fact of life that we have to work to earn money, but it's not easy for people like me. I know some people may think that this is a horrible thing to say, and possibly an immature thing to say, but sometimes i wish that the doctors who helped save my life when i was a baby shouldn't have bothered, as my life seems worthless. I actually said that to my parents sometimes, and they were very hurt and said i shouldnt say things like that . I guess all the bad events that have happeend in my life have made me depressed too. I actually did die twice, and the doctors managed to bring me back. I used to have to see a special doctor when i was a child too, who used to see how i was developing. He also told my parents that some premature children can have the problems i have had. Mind you, my dad is the same too, in that he is also very sensitive, and has outbursts when he feels that way, so it could be inherited too .I'll post again soon.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): Have you been tested for an autism spectrum disorder or officially diagnosed with anxiety, add/ADHD, depression, etc?Your problem stems from being intelligent, yet lacking appropriate coping and emotional processing mechanisms. You could benefit greatly from visiting a professional who specializes in working with people who have the issues you describe yourself as having.For years I have suffered in silence with social and performance anxiety. I have a high iq, but also have ADHD which along with the anxiety contributes to a 'sensitive' disposition. I cry when stressed, become enraged when I feel my intelligence has been insulted, and I've never done exceptionally well in any job where I have to regularly deal with people face to face. Medication for ADHD has improved much of my over-emotional reactions because it allows me to logically think about why I was being criticized and thus has also allowed me to make necessary positive changes in myself.A psychiatrist told me that my anxiety wasn't treatable with medication, but i would benefit from talk and behavioral therapy with a trained psychologist. Sadly, I don't have the money to undergo this type of treatment. My country does not have socialized healthcare. I work from home.I hope you gain the confidence in yourself that you need to have a happy and successful life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): Hi honey, the world works in mysterious ways sometimes.I think you would be best to take every positive you gained from this situation, think of all the good things that this person has said as there are many of them. Outburst - who cares - one day you will laugh because you will be so relieved you did not have to take that horrible job!Everyone makes mistakes in the first few weeks at a job!Goodness it was actually not your fault that the boss locked someone in! It was up to her as well to check no one was left. Yes you should of handled things better and not got mad, but you won't do that again right so - where to from here...how about a lovely job in a garden centre, or childrens centre, try and find something a bit more creative and a where there is some peaceful life around you like plants or kids - not that kids are peaceful - but if you are peaceful by nature and it sounds like you are then you will be able to learn to look after them.The only problem here is a bit of stubborn pride from you, if you could of cut the boss some slack and realised that a polite I'm sorry - next time I'll let you know. Would of smoothed things over. Working is about relationships with other people and you do need to be sensitive to other peoples needs. It sounds like the boss really liked you and saw your potential and then felt that because you did not show her you were also sensitive to her needs in the workplace that it would not work out.I'm afraid it is best to move on gracefully.
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (10 June 2011):
 No I don't think you can call it discrimination. I would venture that you need to learn some better social skills and work ethics. No one expects a new employee to know everything and do it right from the get go, but to throw a fit when called aside and given instructions... yea, not going to help you at all in life.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 June 2011):
It was your reaction that got you fired. I'm sorry, but your reaction was absolutely over the top in this situation.
You were not being unfairly singled out.
You were not being treated badly
You were not being shouted at.
When she brought you into that office, she simply wanted to explain that it was important that you didn't make the same mistake again. She did not bring you in there to fire you.
You then lost it, went mental, had a huge go and threatened to ring your advisor and say you'd had enough - in any company that would at the very least get you suspended for bad conduct.
It was her absolute right to fire you. You were fired because your outburst was highly out of order.
I would echo the others, who have suggested being honest with the advisor, then seeking counselling. Because if you can't handle such a small level of criticism, you won't be employable.
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female
reader, blueskyday +, writes (10 June 2011):
No it's not cause drama and such unnecessary arguments and not getting along interferes with your work so yes they had every right to fire you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): No it's not discrimination to fire to someone for those reasons. No offence OP but you sound like a nightmare employee.
You're on "another planet" which means you basically get distracted easily from tasks, you forget what you were doing five minutes ago and that nearly got a guy locked in for ages.
You get upset very easily and "explode" when criticized even about minor things. You take things far too personally to the point where people are afraid to talk to you about even the most minor of things, that means people can't communicate with you at all. That is very bad. I bet you're getting either exceptionally angry or sad just reading what I'm saying now. That's being far too sensitive OP.
You should go seek counseling for this OP. Your placement adviser has no doubt already been contacted about this. Look into getting some counseling because honestly while you are like this you're making it very difficult for anyone to even consider hiring you. How are you supposed to learn from mistakes or improve in any aspect of your life if you explode every time someone points out your mistakes to you?
I'm sorry OP but I disagree with ampersand in what your employer said. I think your supervisor was just being honest and it's not just an opinion OP. People that can't even be talked to without exploding don't make good employees, how can you work with someone who can't take criticism? It's just not possible to work with someone who is like that and you're afraid to even say things to them because they'll start bawling crying or fly off the handle.
OP you should go seek counseling or some kind of therapy to teach you how to cope better with these kind of situations. You need to find a way of building up your confidence and getting a bit more outgoing if you want to work in a job involving other people or customers. If not then you may want to look into less social jobs.
Interpersonal skills are essential for pretty much everything. There are jobs where you can get away with not being good with people but you'd want to be an expert in your field or be good enough at your job that it won't matter. But it's far easier to learn the coping mechanisms of criticism, it's not nice to make mistakes but we all make them but unless you learn to react in a calm collected manner then you're going to have a very tough time of life in general OP.
I've worked with people like that and it's a nightmare, you can't say anything because you're afraid they'll go nuts, it gets to the point where you have to let them go or avoid them at all costs. I have a friend that's like that and she can't hold down jobs, people hire her, she always ends up thinking people hate her and that she can't do anything right and what's worse is because of her sensitivity that makes it the case. She is so wrapped up in her own head, thinking about herself and "how hard her life is" that she can't focus on improving her situation, it makes her a useless employee because even telling her something she did was wrong means you lose her for about an hour while she goes off crying or in a huff and she'll literally spend the entire day pissed off feeling hard done by.
You need to change that OP. Your sensitivity is having a negative impact on your life, this is only the start. Being so sensitive makes life exceptionally tough, it makes every little problem a huge deal that becomes ever more hard to deal with. So find a way getting some tough skin, find a way of improving your confidence and self belief. Life is hell of a lot easier when you can face challenges with almost no emotion.
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female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (10 June 2011):
 Ok, Your Boss was telling you a problem and wanted to make SURE it did not happen again. Her concern was reasonable because it effected the safety of a patron/customer and the staff. She took you into her private office, which is respectful and addressed the issue. Perhaps you did not understand what the fuss was about, but in ANY employment situation, you need to comply with the expecations of the position.
You overacted and rather immaturely. At first, she gave you the option to stay or go, but shifted her decision to let you go and gave you the reasons.
Consider that you are difficult to work with. At your age, you should not be so defensive and cry at the drop of a hat if someone criticizes you. She called you in to HELP you become a better employee. That is what that placement was about, right? To give you the skills to make you a skilled employee someone would want to hire/pay.
Working for someone else/under someone elses supervision does not make them responsible for your feelings. That is your job. She treated you with respect and gave you reasonable expecations.
She is right by telling you she would not be available to talk to you about your emotions for a lengthy period of time again. You are an adult and need to act like one and take your personal feelings OUT of work. She is a boss, not a therapist.
BEFORE all that happened, she was giving you positive encouragement. Then you lost control of yourself and it changed. She was reacting to the quality of work and your professionalism. You were being unreasonable.
If you perform your tasks well and professionally you get praise. If you perform your tasks well and unprofessionally you get criticisms.
Since you DO admit you have anxiety and communication problems, get HELP for that. Talk to your Doctor and get some counseling to address your problems. Do not make OTHERS responsible for understanding the problem and accommodating that. You may need to learn some coping skills, examine your thinking, or perhaps be on medication to lower your anxiety.
Your Boss is not obligated to accommodate your anxiety and put up with your emotional instability. She already counseled you (several times I suspect before this last mistake with the person being locked in) and brought the problem to your attention. After the counseling/warning it was up to you to control yourself.
Unfortunately, we ARE going to get our feelings hurt from time to time. How you react to it is a sign of maturity.
Own up to your part and seek out professional help so you CAN control your anxiety and outbursts.
Best of Luck to you! :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): The whole point of having employees is to make the work easier. Anything you do that makes work harder and more unpleasant for others is potential rounds for dismissal.
Your boss had every right to fire you. People are busy and have their own responsibilities. They don't ened the added burden of having to walk on eggshells around you.
I strongly suggest you develop a thicker skin. It is very, very taxing to be around someone, in any capacity, who is easily upset and offended.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): yes you over reacted as you should of been sacked what would of happened if it was an elderly customer? then you had a go at the boss when she pointed this out to you that what you did was dangerous you are not ready for any work where you interact with other people if you forget they are there and lose your temper quickly when told off for wrong doing have you thought of being a cleaner in offices or schools after they have closed as this would be better for you as you will work in very small groups or alone.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): Yes. Indeed. Being emotional or showing your emotions to others is very bad at work. At home is different. But work needs to be work & blatant display of your emotions are bad behaviors at work unless you know the person for years, you cant get angry, annoyed or worried. You can run to a room alone, cry, shout or do whatever, and get back to normal and get out of the room. I am telling you this because i was an emotional person too and when I started chaging myself, the world seemed to be a changed place for me. All the best !
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female
reader, Battista +, writes (10 June 2011):
"I got really upset and had an outburst. I went mad and said that I was going to call my advisor on the training course and said that I had had enough."
I think this is the key. If you told her that you had had enough then maybe she took you for your word. It isn't up to her to make allowances for how you behave.
I'm sorry this has happened to you OP because of course losing a job is always a blow to your confidence. In hindsight now it seems that you realise why she wanted to tell you about the man on the computer. Of course she would have been negligent had she NOT brought it up with you because, as you she, she wanted to avoid it happening again. It certainly seems like you overreacted to a large degree.
I understand that you may be sensitive or easily upset, but I do not see how this relates to having an outburst at your boss. They seem to be different things, unless you mean that by getting upset you are prone to "go mad" as you put it and have anger problems or such like. It is hard to tell from the post. But, as you state, it seems to be your reaction towards your boss which led to your sacking (among other things you list).
I can also see things from your boss's view: seemingly she simply wanted to let you know about the locked-in man, but it turned into an hour's meeting. That is not effective use of her, or anyone's time, including yours.
I don't honestly see how this can be discrimination, but then I am not an employment lawyer so I can't give you a proper answer. Your advisor will be able to help after the weekend.
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