A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I cheated on a woman who was madly in love with me four years ago. Not only did I cheat on her, I disrespected her, lied to her, bit her, talked bad about her behind her back to co-workers and family members. I strung her along and I put her at risk for an STD because I was involved with a woman who cheated on me with random guys. I know, I know, I was a horrible partner, but as the years have gone by, I have realized how much of a jerk I was and I realize now that she is the woman for me! I realize that I am still in love with her, but she doesn't believe me nor does she want to be with me. She says she forgives me, but she doesn't desire me anymore nor does she love me. I don't want her forgiveness, I just want her to give me another chance to show her that I am sincere this time around. I may never know the impact I had on her when I hurt her deeply, but honestly, I think she should be over that by now and just move on like a normal person and give me another chance as people do this all the time. Maybe she never really loved me if she isn't willing to come back to me and I made this known to her. She says that I only want her back because things didn't work out with the other women I was pursing at that time and she is maybe right about that, but maybe things needed to turn sour with those women in order for me to realize what a precious pearl she was. Why can't she just be normal and stop playing hard to get with me? I'm getting tired of this already and she will end up losing me for good if she doesn't wake up and realize that I am sorry for all the wrong I did to her and that I want to marry her.
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cheated on me, co-worker, move on, std Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2012): She's not playing hard to get, she doesnt want you. You had a chance and you hurt her. She doesnt want to do what she will see as being stupid and risking getting hurt again by giving you a chance. You cant put a woman through something like that and expect her to come running back into your arms if you apologise
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (19 September 2012):
You don't deserve a second chance for what you did. "Normal" people won't be giving you one either, not if they know what's good for em'.
How can you think that cheating, lying, exposing someone to STD's, biting them are things that can be overlooked? They're not. Do you really want to know why things went sour with her and the other women? I'll tell you: it's because you're a threat to them. You're violent, dangerous and mentally unstable. You're the kind of guy people file restraining orders against. And you may be the kind of guy who ends up in the news because he killed someone who didn't do what he wanted.
You don't love her, you only love yourself. Thank god your girlfriend finally sees that. If she were my friend or sister I'd get her to move away to some location you don't know, get her to change her phone, her e-mail, everything.
You need help, OP. You're bad news to every woman you set your eyes on. Once you see that, you may be able to turn your life around, but you won't get her back. You had your chance and not only did you screw it up, you may have permanently done harm to the woman you say you love. If you love her you set her free and let her find a man who will treat her well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2012): Im in your exs shoes right now.
And by telling you how im feeling you might get insight into what shes feeling.
My ex cheated while i was pregnant and left me and our baby to our own defences while he shacked up with someone else.
At the time i was 100% focused on getting my life back together for my kids sake.
he Made me feel used, abused, depressed at who could possibly of been better than me to ruin what we had.
Now hes trying his luck again. And hand on heart i still have loving feelings for him but im no longer in love with him. Time has healed wounds.Im moving on.
Yes i agree people deserve second chances but before she gives you any chance she needs to see that you are genuine and if you really do love her, you will wait for her.
by you saying that shel lose you if she doesnt act now is selfish. you are selfish. if you want to make an effort to win her round then drop the selfishness , put her and her feelings before your own for gods sake!
you need to figure out how exactly your gunna make it work as there will be trust issues if she takes you back. how are you gunna get around that?
Talk to her and ask her that if she did take you back, or consider it, what she wants you to do in the relationship. how would she like you to change? listen to her and what she has to say and then do it. give her what she wants.
And if she still wont take you back, accept it.
You sound minipulative saying that maybe she doesnt love you if she isnt willing to come back, i hope you havnt said that to her?!
I still have loving feelings for my ex but i wouldnt be able to take him back because i couldnt go through all the hurt again. i wouldnt put myself through that incase his old ways crept back.you wouldnt eat something again that gave you the runs would you? same principle.
loving someone for them to cheat can make you ill emotionally.
You need to grow up a bit first i think.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2012): Hey dude..count yourself lucky that she has forgiven YOU for what you did to her..YOU should cultivate more on compassion for people and for yourself BECAUSE YOU need that in your life..stop thinking of yourself as a big superior person that knows everything. Only when YOU TRULY knows how much hurts that you caused to your ex, then realization will comes for you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 September 2012):
 Kudos to her!
Sorry bro, you just don't deserve a second chance. She might have forgiven you, but nothing you did is forgotten and THAT kind of "stuff" can make it impossible to give someone a second chance.
You need to learn to see past your own belly button and over-inflated EGO.
If it makes it easier for you to believe she never really loved you then go for it...... I think, however, it is YOU who never loved her. (or anyone else but yourself for that matter).
Hope hope to goodness you leave this girl alone and let her find happiness, you can't do that for her.
You still haven't learned, have you?
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (19 September 2012):
I can assure you that she lovED (past tense) you.
I can also assure you that her behavior is completely normal.
Finally, I can assure you that she will not give you a second chance; you simply don't deserve one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2012): You need to go get help OP, you're a sick, deluded, narcissistic weirdo if you think any of what you did can be just cast aside and moved past. You crossed the biggest of lines and now you think you're some kind of loss to her?
She escaped OP, and you're not some kind of big man for admitting what you did wrong, you're a bit of an angry, dangerous, sociopathic creep and you need to not only leave her alone but go get some serious psychiatric help.
I would even go so far as to say she's actually in quite a bit of danger with you still sniffing around and if she was my sister, friend etc. you'd be typing this with a typing wand.
"Not only did I cheat on her, I disrespected her, lied to her, bit her, talked bad about her behind her back to co-workers and family members."
You complete and utter sick ass creep.
"I realize now that she is the woman for me!"
No, she's your crazy obsession, your deluded fantasy.
"I think she should be over that by now"
Oh yeah sure she should, because being violently abused by a sick psychopath is something she should just look past right? You're such a great guy, apart from the violent, dangerous, obsessive, delusions, but hey, they're not big deal right?
"just move on like a normal person"
I'd actually be interested in knowing what you think a normal person is OP, truly that would be a fascinating read.
"as people do this all the time."
True OP, people do take back their abusers and a lot of them die, which I must say is a distinct possibility when it comes to this girl. You don't happen to own a lot of guns do you OP? Ever killed any animals when you were a kid? Daddy hit you too many times?
"but maybe things needed to turn sour with those women in order for me to realize what a precious pearl she was."
A precious pearl eh? Tasty too seeing as you just had to have a bite? You're lying through your teeth OP, those other women escaped your clutches and now you want your prime victim back.
"Why can't she just be normal and stop playing hard to get with me?"
Oh the irony, your version of normal is some crazy, sick fantasy, this girl needs to get a restraining order on you.
"I'm getting tired of this already"
Oh getting a little bit angry now are we, eh big man?
"she will end up losing me for good."
That's the whole fucking point OP, piss off and leave her alone.
Go get help OP you need it, you're literally bat shit crazy.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 September 2012):
 Whoa....second sentence...you BIT her?
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (18 September 2012):
 Your ex is over it and has moved on like a normal person. This is what normal people do.
They nurse their wounds then pick themselves up and look forward to a bright future, stronger and wiser and not to be taken advantage of again. They don't sit about waiting for the person who betrayed and insulted them to come back with deadlines, accusations and ultimatums.
Forgiving you does not mean taking you back. Those are two separate things. She isn't playing hard to get. She just isn't interested in you anymore.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (18 September 2012):
 I hate to tell you this as you are obviously vey unaware, but you are the same selfish person you were. You treated her like complete shit and now expect her to be over it because you apologized and decided to come back... You really need to get over yourself. She isn't playing hard to get. And it doesn't mean she never loved you. She isn't going to be with someone who did all of this awful crap to her. It's very simple. And your "heartfelt" apology and words of love won't change this. I don't think she really cares if she loses you for good. Since you weren't a catch, why would she? Plus you don't even know how you really feel, you admit yourself that it could be because you are without the other women. You need more time growing up and working on yourself. And she's long gone so give up on that one.
Oh and also, if you were truly sorry you wouldn't be talking about her like this. And a "normal" person wouldn't get over what you did. Any girl with an ounce of self respect wouldn't ever date you again. So maybe don't say what normal people do, because it isn't correct.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (18 September 2012):
And yet you are still the same selfish person. The fact that she even put up with 1 of your distasteful descriptions about yourself is more than what you ever did for her. You have no right to question her or the love she had for you. It is just as much of her choice to not be with you now as it is for you to claim that you have changed. I'm pretty sure she isn't playing hard to get. I'm sure you are just outright being rejected. It seems you have much longer to go before she will ever see maturity in you so I wish you much luck in that path if you do in fact desire this lady.
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