A
female
age
30-35,
*amTheWalrus
writes:I thought I really was into this guy and now I am confused on my feelings for him. I met someone new that I am also really starting to enjoy. I was not confused about guy 1 until guy 2 came along and now I'm confused about both! We have slept together a couple of times but now that I am confused I don't want to sleep with him anymore until I get it figured out. But I still want to hang out with him and continue getting to know him. I do not know if I should tell him there is someone else that I am also interested in or what I should say to let him know that I am still really intrigued by him I just want to slow it down even though we have already gone the distance- if you know what I mean. So how do you tell someone you already slept with 3 times that you really like them but want to slow it down? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 December 2013):
 Personally, I think if a second guy can throw you off balance THAT soon into a new relationship then GUY #1 isn't it.
But if you want to figure out if there IS something about #1, then tell him, I like you but I want to go slower and I want to cut out the sex for a while are YOU cool with that?
However, if THAT is what you want you need to CUT out #2.
Don't be double dating or double "dipping" UNLESS you tell BOTH guys and they are OK (which most guys aren't unless they just see you as a FWB or casual sex thing)
If I were you, though... I would end it with guy #1 and take a little while to figure out WHY you got SO easily distracted by #2.
I would NOT jump straight from #1 to #2.
And I would NOT hang on to #1, because it's better to have #1 then no one... Because I rather be single then be with a guy I'm not really that sure off.
A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (26 December 2013):
 I think guy 1 will be confused, hurt and suspicious if you announce you want to slow things down.
In respect of guy 2, does he want a relationship with you or are you just guessing he might?
You haven't done anything wrong (yet) and you can't help who you're attracted too BUT (there's always a but) if everything was perfect with guy 1 then it begs the question would you be attracted to guy 2?
If guy 1 finds out that you have feelings for another guy, albeit that you haven't acted on them or are not yet completely sure of them, he will feel hurt, jealous and may begin to mistrust you.
If you guys broke up would you be upset and desperately want him back? If yes then you need to distance yourself from guy 2 and concentrate on guy 1.
If no, then leave guy 1 and get to know guy 2 better.
If you're unsure then I think you need time alone and should distance yourself from both guys until you have a better idea of what you want.
When I was your age I had been with my then boyfriend for about 5 years. I was friends with a guy who I was very attracted too. We had loads in common and he treated me so much better than my boyfriend did.
Eventually he asked me out (knowing I had a bf). He begged me to leave him and give him a chance. Despite my feelings, I felt I needed to be loyal to my bf and should continue the relationship as I had invested so much time to it and thought that maybe I loved him. Our parents were friends and I thought they might be hurt if we split so I hung on in there.
3 years later we split and I felt free. I realised then that we had never been right for each other but had just got complacent. I deeply regretted not giving the other guy a chance and wondered how differently things may have turned out if I had.
What I'm trying to say is, don't be scared. You are young and shouldn't feel that you have no freedom or choices. Don't stay with someone out of a sense of duty. Stay because they make you happy and you feel complete.
You must be honest with yourself first then act sensitively and kindly. Follow your heart and desires and as long as you treat those involved with respect and kindness you won't go far wrong.
I hope this helps ABx
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (26 December 2013):
It's no big deal, just tell him you want to take things slow to get to know each other better without the complications that sex brings.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2013): Hmm that's like taking a toy of a child, there will be crying, tantrums and of course the flinging if the dummy out the pram.Being honest I think you shouldn't see either for a while .. Double dating was never my thing, one man at a time was way more than enough haha don't know how you can manage two .. LolBut I do understand how feelings can get mixed up, no matter what guy your with, there are going to be times maybe not many when you click with another guy, feel chemistry etc .. It's about weighing what you have.. Does the man your with, love you, does he show you he does ?? Do you do things as a couple ? Can you lean on him, is he supportive, respectful, kind etc do you love him??Take some time out from both guys maybe two weeks. Weigh up where you think both relationships could go ? And how that would make you feel .. Find out who you miss more hearing from .. And then give that one relationship a shot .. Have a happy Boxing Day and be sweet . :)
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 December 2013):
 If he is also interested in you he won't mind slowing it down. Dating doesn't always have to follow some restrictive formula. Some guys, close minded ones, would think you are playing games and tantalizing them. A guy who's interested won't think just because he's had sex with you means he won you over and doesn't have to get to know you anymore.
You have to pick one. I don't know any guy who would up his interest level if he knows he has to compete for your attention. A smart guy would just back out.
Usually men and women talk about status before getting intimate. I would find that a person who just goes with the flow to be too carefree. And a relationship is a big deal.
When you ask the question, "how can you slow it down?" You may be ahead of him. How do you know he's interested in something more? In truth, you want to slow it down to make sure you make a better pick but I don't know any man, if knowing this, has any incentive to slow it down for you.
I imagine if there is a new guy who directly asks you out then the confusion won't be there. Your attention would be focused on him.
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