A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating for the last year but haven't found the spark with any of the guys. 6 months ago I decided to take up an opportunity to relocate to New York City from London with my current employer. However, I continued to date. Last month, I went on a date and found an initial spark with this guy. I didn't tell him about my move. We continued to see each other frequently, spending days at a time together. Things have intensified quickly. In the mean time I spent 11 days in NYC looking for an apartment. I told him about my move when I got back last week. At this point, he told me that he was going travelling for 2 months too. I'm leaving in 6 weeks time. I really have developed feelings for him and he likes me too but we're both about to embark on our respective journeys. I don't know how to proceed now. I would like to start a relationship with him, albeit a long distance one. But I don't know if he wants the same. Plus, with him going travelling, I don't know if he wants to be footloose and fancy free to do as he pleases without being attached to someone. I'm scared to reveal the full extent of what I would like lest I get hurt. What should I do?
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female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (26 December 2013):
 This is going to be hard for you both.
He didn't tell you of his travels and vice versa.
A long distance relationship will put a lot of pressure and commitment on both of you, at this point, that could destroy anything you both have.
I suggest you just continue enjoying each others company and then proceed with your current travelling plans. Maintain contact with each other (as friends) showing interest in what each other is doing and seeing but on relaxed terms.
In two months, when he returns from his travels, get together (if it's still appropriate and it's what you both want) and see where the relationship is at.
I think by that time you will have a much better idea of what you may both want.
I hope this helps AB x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2013): You don't really know each other and haven't had time to settle into your lives and make the proper adjustments.
You are making an international move! You can't be that strongly attached to put yourself through a long-distance relationship. DON'T DO IT!
Maintain contact through social media for the sake of building a network. It's too early to even be thinking of a relationship. You have too many irons in the fire to take on something so soon. Settling into a job, changes in time-zones, finding a place to live, learning your way around, getting your services and providers for phone and internet Americanized. Immigrations, and piles of paperwork.
Maintain your connection, get you bearings first.
Make sure your spark isn't just the loneliness of a weary traveler; who has few friends and is feeling displaced and a tiny bit disoriented. The kindness of strangers would be blown a little out of proportion. Your hesitance is based on good instincts. You just might hurt him; if your feelings change in a few months. It's not just about you.
Allow yourself more time. Caution is your survival instinct telling you to keep things in perspective. It isn't telling you to lose touch. You can let him know you are fond of him. It can only be "fondness," in so short a period of time and under such circumstances.
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