A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I set up a social networkng acct only to keep an eye on my son. Since I was only there for that purpose I put in all wrong info and a pic that was not me. Age 20 years younger. Different state etc. The problem is that I accepted a friend request from a man who is 20 yrs younger and we became good friends. I am so sorry that I did not immediately tell him that my profile was fake. Now he is in love with someone who is not real and I am in love with him. Really in love. To tell him the truth would kill him. I need to somehow just disappear out of his life but how can I do that and not be traced somehow ?? This is just awful and I am heartbroken. I so do not want to hurt him but he wants us to be together and then he would know the truth. Can anyone help me please ?
View related questions:
heartbroken Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2011): You are NOT in love with him. You are infatuated with what you imagine him to be; your fantasy of what could be, but never will be.
Grow up. End this charade. Come clean - admit you knowingly and continuously deceived him and move on.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 April 2011):
 why do you think he will trace your IP?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): Living dangerously mom???These dating online services/ networking sites really do mess up innocent peoples lives just like how u have messed up this poor kids life.No wonder people always take about FAKE people online....Anyways just do as the aunts say and delete your profile. Stop being a drama queen!As for being married and now ruining a kids life, well think about your actions and the consequences thereof.Curiosity killed the cat didn't it? Shame on you! You son doesn't need monitoring, YOU DO!LoveGirl
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 April 2011):
 Even if he was some kind of hacker computer genius, he's not going to bother. Just delete you profile.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe can easily trace my IP
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question
"No you can't legally be in trouble. You didn't steal someones money from a bank account. How will anyone know how to find you? Just delete it and be done with it. No one will come after you."
But my IP can be traced right to where I live...
??????
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): No you can't legally be in trouble. You didn't steal someones money from a bank account. How will anyone know how to find you? Just delete it and be done with it. No one will come after you.
...............................
A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (14 April 2011):
 Okay then, there is your answer. Tell him you have decided to work on your marriage. None can argue that point, no matter how much angst was portrayed. I people were to get in trouble every time someone put up a fake profile, there'd be a LOT of people in trouble. These site are free, so it is "buyer beware" on the Internet. You cannot get in trouble.
I know this is emotionally difficult for you, but you can do it. You're not the first to have done such a thing and you won't be the last.
TEM
...............................
A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (14 April 2011):
Oh gosh, that is quite a pickle you got yourself into. I think it probably happens more often than you think. For all you know he isn't who he says he is either!
Seriously, pain is a great teacher and I think she just taught you one tough lesson. I'm betting this was your first foray into the world of online discourse. If so, don't get too upset over it.
Most people that communicate online, including the people here, create a username that is meant to give some sort of impression. So, you got a little carried away with your online alter ego. I can understand how that could happen, especially since you went in trying to portray someone much younger.
For some reason people get involved much more quickly online than they would in the real world. I guess it's easier when the light of day is not shining a bright light on the real you. You may think you are in love, but think about it. You are in love with a fantasy person and so is he.
I have to disagree with the others that said, tell and meet him anyway, if he still wants to. I don't think you should meet him. I'm not even sure you should disclose much more. Just as he didn't know, you don't really know what you are dealing with.
No, my advice is to "Make a new plan, Stan and slip out the back, Jack." If he thinks you are single (and you really are) tell him your ex is back and you want to make another go of it. If you he thinks you are married, tell him you have decided to work on your marriage. Then delete your account.
Hope this helps,
TEM
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOnce I send the fatal email and get off the net can I be in trouble for the fake identity ?
Many thanks for all who have replied.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (14 April 2011):
 Delete the profile or you wil have to come clean.be ready for an emotional wreck
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): Thanx to all that answered.
Let me add that no he is certainly not a teen.
Yes it is real love and not infatuation.
It was not a dating service..just an online social
networking site.
Yes I am married and in a loveless marriage.
My question now is this :
After I send the fatal email can I be in trouble
legally for what I did..a false identity I mean ?
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 April 2011):
I agree with Honeypie.in addition, if you are single and available what's to say it won't work out. but you must come clean.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): Theres only one thing you can do really and thats tell the truth and leave things a while to see if he comes around. If he doesnt, you can delete your account without worrying about him trying to find you. To vanish off the face of the earth would be rather an unfair thing to do. He would be worried and probably feel very hurt. So be honest. Explain why you started the account and the fix you find yourself in now. Im sure he will be shocked and upset with you but you will have to take it on the chin because you knew what you were doing was wrong. Take a leap of faith and hope he forgives you. Thats better than messing with someones head then running away. There is atleast some dignity in owning up and accepting consequences. If hes really in love, he may surprise you, give him a chance and find out.
...............................
A
male
reader, macdubh712 +, writes (14 April 2011):
Isn't this a daisy? To properly answer your question I will need to ask some of my own as I feel that there are a few holes here. One, what level is this relationship on? Are you two just chatting over the internet? Over the phone? Where are you two at as far as communicating your feelings towards each other? Have you dropped the L-bomb?Another question is, are you married or in a serious relationship? Is this young man a teenager? Is he an adult? Not to be nosy, and God knows my mother told me to never ask a woman (stranger) how old she is, but it is sort of relevant here; how old are you? Does this guy know your son? If so, how well? I realize that your feelings are caught up in this but if your relationship with this person goes only as far as the internet and you do not wish to blow your cover (for your original reason for the profile) then the best thing you could do is just delete your profile. This relationship is not healthy and frankly, you've already crossed a line you should not have crossed. Heaven forbid that you should tell him the truth only for him to still want what you have, and you decide to meet with him....Perhaps the best thing is for you to tell him the truth, that you set up the profile to keep tabs on your son and you never meant for this to happen. Explain to him that it is just not possible and that you are sorry for causing this situation; it is what it is. Also, whatever knowledge he knows about you, don't give him anymore. Lastly, you need to take a journey inside yourself and decide what is in you that allowed this young man to fall for a person that doesn't really exist, a person, that while fake, is partially you. Is it loneliness? A desire to be loved? Again, without more information I can't exactly say what is going on here, but this is my take on it. And please, don't take offense to anything I have said. I just believe in being real. You reached out for help, I am reaching out to deliver help.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): You should always be honest, write him an email with the real you. Tell him your sorry... perhaps he will forgive you and perhaps he won't. No matter what there is no easy way out of this. But in my opinion when people have feelings they deserve to hear nothing but the truth. Just be yourself and learn to accept yourself for who you are as well. No matter how pro the fake profiles are... it's not you never will be and will only get you in trouble. Werther you like it or not... eventually you will have to play open cards as the man who is 20 yrs younger has feelings for you... don't wait too long with it as well as you will take someone for granted. Honesty will show that no matter what you took responsibility for your actions and you cared enough to at least stop lying. The man will get over it.. and with Honesty at least you still stand a chance to keep perhaps a friendship.. but you need to stop lying because that will make you lose someone for good. I think you should definitely step out of that fake profile to monitor your son. Let your son develop on it's own and learn to grow by it's own grant him a private life as well. We all need privacy it's part of our daily needs.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 April 2011):
 No, you need to be honest with the guy. Tell him WHY you made the profile and buck up!
It's not love, it's infatuation with a fantasy person. Yes, you will break his heart, but he will get over it. You can not just "vanish" you need to own your actions. You actions are that you lied to this guy, be a responsible person and do the right thing.
Every action has a reaction, and every choice has consequences.
By just disappearing from his life you are doing FAR more damage to him, then the truth.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 April 2011):
Delete your profile. He'll get over it, happens all the time on those dating sites.
...............................
|
