A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So 3 weeks ago I kind of pushed my boyfriend away and told him I don't wanna be with him but what I was really trying to do is making him understand my mental illness, suffering from GAD and BPD, I tried to tell him maybe through my ery wrong way of pushing him away that I need him to stay and understand me, maybe my way of doing so was not correct but I can't help it, I told him let's keep it to casual sex because it was never my intention to push him away, I just needed him to confirm that he would be there. He said he doesn't want our relationship to end I told him it must so he blocked me from everywhere. I can't reach him through any social media or call him. He's away now on a cycling trip and was willing to cut it short and come back to spend time with me but after that happened I can't reach him and he went on with his trip. The thing is I feel so hurt by him and it isn't getting any better with time, I'm so in love with him and all my feelings for him are real and I never meant it to be this way. I tried calling him again today but I'm blocked. Do I try and reach him one more time or do I just let him go ? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (1 August 2017):
Hello OP,I would only recommend you that you go to a mental health professional to help you cope with GAD and BPD, since those two can cause troubles to you and those around you. Those two together can get you into very bad depressions.If you want to win him back, you need to stay mentally healthy, and do a lot of therapy, because like I mention, people with BPD tend to hurt badly everybody around them. My sister is also BPD, and hurts everybody all the time, but she is not in therapy, and it's not aware of the damage she makes to all of her family and loved ones.If you want to overcome being a BPD, you need to develop your empathy, since that's a trait that this type of personality lacks. Try putting others before you put yourself, and try thinking everything you want to do, and how it will negatively affect those around you. And finally, try to read and put into practice more about mindfulness. If you continuously improve yourself, your partner will notice, and will see and feel the difference in you, and we will try to get back to you.Best luck!
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (1 August 2017):
 Okay, so you have generalized anxiety disorder and borderline personality disorder, and you say can't help feeling that way. I hope you are under some sort of medical plan and taking the advise of professionals. In the meantime your EX boyfriend doesn't have a crystal ball, nor does he have a magic decoder to tell him what you REALLY mean when you tell him its over etc etc etc.
Your health, mental and physical, is your responsibility. Your national flag suggests you are in Australia, help is available. If your problems have been diagnosed there will be a medical plan in place. Follow it. Seek the advise of professionals and start taking care of yourself. Once you do that you will be in a better position to be in and maintain a healthy relationship. As it stands at the moment your ex boyfriend is better off (for HIS mental health) single.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (1 August 2017):
 It's not judgemental at all.
If you are going to be offended by what answers you receive then why would you ask for advice full stop? Sounds like you're basically saying answer it how I would like you to. I don't sugarcoat my advice, people post questions and I post my viewpoint on it, if you don't like it then that's up to you.
No matter what spin you try to put on it, yes you did mess him around. Telling someone that you love that you want to break up with them and then expecting that person to know you wanted them closer is quite frankly ridiculous.
Breaking up with someone is not an indication of showing them how clearly you love them. You made this mistake now you need to own it.
Concentrate on getting your mental wellbeing on track, you clearly don't sound ready for a relationship if this is how you're treating people.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (1 August 2017):
 Say what you mean and mean what you say!
Saying something like that and expecting someone not to take it literally is foolish and you shouldn't have done that because guess what? He took it quite literally.
In future, avoid getting yourself into situations like that by just saying what you mean and meaning what you say.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2017): All these answers are pretty judgemental, I have generalized anxiety disorder and borderline personality disorder, I can't help feeling that way, I don't choose to push him away, it's my mind doing that. I didn't mess him around I'm in love with hI'm more than anyone and I made sure he knew that very clearly, I needed his help. These answers are pretty rough and obviously not understanding my condition.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (1 August 2017):
I'm sorry but how on earth would you think this would work?
You told him things are over and now you're complaining because he's trying to move on? He has done exactly what you asked of him so you have absolutely no right whatsoever to be annoyed that he pulled away from you. Let this be a lesson that you DO NOT play games with people when it comes to relationships because stupid things like this happen.
I think you should leave him alone, stop messing this poor guy around and concentrate on getting your mental health back to a better place.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2017): The man isn't a mind reader and you've told him it has to be over and he's believed you. All you can do is wait for him to come back from his cycling trip and try see if you can get in touch, or perhaps get in touch through a friend. Be prepared for him not to want to meet, but if you do get to meet and talk you need to cut to the point and apologise for your actions, explain you have some on going mental health issues and you know it was because of those that made you act the way you did and you promise to get the help and support you need to prevent something like that happening again. While he is away, use the time to find out about what might help you. Visit your doctor and discuss what options you have for you anxiety and BPD - they might suggest medication, or a change to your current medication. If you want your partner to take you seriously that you don't want to treat him like that again, then you've got to take steps to show you're doing all you can to help yourself. I had a period in my life where I needed medication to help stop constant anxiety, it was a low dose and I had a lovely doctor who said the medication was a short term fix for the symptoms and then referred me on to a counsellor. After 4 months I come off the medication and the counselling continued for another 2 months and it was a bit like having a reset button pushed and I felt like myself once again. Everyone is individual though, so you need to speak to a doctor and find out how you can manage your conditions better. Good luck x
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (1 August 2017):
You have created this situation yourself by not being clear and honest in what you wanted from your boyfriend.
You told him you didn't want to be with him.
You pushed him away.
You told him you only wanted casual sex.
When he said he didn't want the relationship to end you told him it must be.
He has listened to you and done what you said you wanted. You have got what you told him you wanted.
Next time you have a boyfriend don't tell lies or play stupid games, be upfront and honest.
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