A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A bit of an odd question. I reached out to an ex of mine because enough time had passed where we didn't speak and I thought of just asking to remain friends. We dated for only 4 months, nothing too serious. The awkward part is that he seems to have it in his head that we had "mind blowing" sex and that we were "extremely sexually compatible." To me, none of those things are true. He would beg for blow jobs, get off and then go to sleep. He never expressed much interest in finishing me off except with his words ..." Cmon, we gotta make you finish." It was really bad sex, he lost his erection every time within two minutes and didn't even tell me when he finished. It was shitty sex but not to him.All of this was sent in an email that included other things that we caught up on. I feel uncomfortable that he thinks we had amazing sex because he seems to be really caught up on it. And he's never had much experience. I never hinted at anything cause we had a LDR for a while and I began to like him without the sex.I don't have any intention of getting back with him but it seems like he may... Should I just steer talks away from sex?
View related questions:
blow-job, erection, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (20 April 2014):
 Just cut off contact.
I had an ex stay in touch with me who (it turned out after several messages over the course of months) was convinced that I still loved him. He was certain, despite my protestations. I let him know that wasn't the case, which can't have been especially nice for him, and asked him to stop contacting me.
It also wasn't nice for me to realise I'd inadvertently been stringing him along/ allowing him to have some hope of resurrecting the relationship. He wasn't moving on with his life (it seems he still isn't; I got a text the other day and he's now blocked for both our sakes).
In short, attempting friendship with an ex is futile. Make new friends instead - it might seem like harder work, but it will make life less complicated in the long run.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 April 2014):
 Why even bring him back into your life?
He wasn't a good BF, I doubt he can be a good friend.
OF COURSE he thinks you two had mind-blowing sex - because he THINKS he was a GREAT lover.The reason he keeps bringing up sex is because he THINKS you contacted him to "get some".
I'd just drop him 100% - there is no point in trying to be friend with this guy.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 April 2014):
 Just steer away entirely. Your other option is to tell him that sex with him was lousy and awful and you never ever want to repeat it, but that feels kind of mean and you seem to be very wishy-washy about this anyway.
Definitely do what the other aunts have already advised and end this relationship. It's not friendship he wants and it's not sex you want and the twain shall never meet.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (19 April 2014):
There's no point in continuing contact with him since he's made it clear that he only wants sex and you're obviously not interested.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (19 April 2014):
 This is crystal clear:
You said this - "I reached out to an ex of mine because enough time had passed where we didn't speak and I thought of just asking to remain friends."
That's the biggest mistake. You don't reach out to exes to become friends, remain friends, or in any way use the word "friends". You hamstring your future romantic relationships, make things extremely awkward with him, and you complicate your life in ways that can derail any positive momentum in more areas of your life than just interpersonal. The mere notion of doing what you just did can distract you from career, friendships, family, and even emotional and mental well-being.
There is a reason you didn't continue a relationship with him. He was a crappy person. Why bring back a guy like this into your life, unless you're lonely, desperate, and masochistic?
Look to your future, not your past. Never forget this. You looked to your past and dug up a trash heap that should have stayed out of your life. Now undo what you did and get rid of him again. No friendship. You don't need one with him, and it's highly toxic. Don't despair and give in to ruts in your life either, because he was crap sex and a crap person and you were just reminded of that fact.
So disconnect from him once and for all.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 April 2014):
 Your's is a submittal which we occasionally see... and which (submittal) starts falling off the rails when it sez: "..I reached out to an ex of mine because enough time had passed..."
In fact, there really is no "enough time" when the circumstances are as you describe.
From what you've told us, this guy is not at all sexually sophisticated.... in fact, he probably has not aged, mentally, beyond third grade.... where he discovered his penis and ways to make it (his weenie) feel good....
You will be wise to chalk up your "reaching out" as a mistake... put it behind you, and never look back. With luck, you'll never run in to such a cretin as this, anytime the rest of your life....
Good luck....
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (19 April 2014):
 You should steer clear of him entirely. He's not a former friend, but a former lover and reaching out to him leads him to believe you want to rekindle the romance. Finding out you don't will lead him to believe you're playing games with him.
He thinks of it as mind blowing sex because for HIM it was good. I suppose it's better than having him think it was lousy and blaming you for it.
I don't understand why you would want to create a friendship with someone who constantly begged for blow jobs anyway. Can you not find someone else to go out for coffee with?
You're blurring the line here and it's a bad idea. He's going to think you lead him on and he'll hate you for it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (19 April 2014):
 Not just sex, steer any kind of talk away from him...altogether. Simply put, just stop talking to him and cut off all contacts. No good can ever come of this, you had a past with this guy, it didnt work out-now look ahead and move on.
It seems that he might just be suggesting an FWB situation when you meet up, because in his mind the sex was great and I'm sure he thinks that you think the same way, obviously because you're both "extremely sexually compatible". I bet he's also thinking that you're either still interested in him or are wanting to get back with him and you just cant stop thinking of the "mind blowing" sex!
Wish him well, say a polite goodbye and head for the exit route. An ex is an ex for a reason...just keep it that way.
...............................
|
