A
female
age
51-59,
*a loquita
writes:Hi I am 48 years old and believe that sometimes my perspective on things can be considered strange. Anyway I am married and my husband is younger then me. We meant in line 4 years ago so our relationship wasn't about sex, I had this feeling he was gay but didn't tell me until 8 months ago when I finally got his visa. And we started living together. He doesn't want a divorce, he told me he can give me everything I need but in sex penetration is something he can't do. We have the best time together, its amazing, I finally feel like I don't have to be perfect or try to be what someone wants me to be. I am in love with my husband. I have many friends that are gay and my only child is gay. Am I fooling myself into believing that our marriage will last? Please give me your view on this. I am usually the one giving advice but find myself lost in my own feelings on what to do. Sex is great and I do believe it helps a relationship but because we didn't live together the first 3 years sex didn't complicate our relationship. Can you please give me some of your advice?),
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (5 January 2013):
 Sorry about your mother passing away. What a tough time for you.
I also have some understanding about poverty in Mexico and it's probably not the easiest place in the world to be gay .... but it absolutely does not excuse him using up 4 years of your life, and in such a deceitful way, for his own selfish goals.
I'd be pretty pissed off with him if I were you.
Best wishes. Hope you meet someone worthy of you.
p.s. the star system: one star for crap advise, five for excellent advise, the other stars for somewhere in between ;)
A
female
reader, la loquita +, writes (5 January 2013):
la loquita is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you to all the ladies who have answered my question. I wasn't sure how the star system worked. I know he married me for the visa. Iived in Mexico for years and understand the poverty. Still doesn't make it right what he did. I just lost my mom on thanksgiving and he finally confessed 5 days after that he as gay. I badgered him to bits. I had a feeling he was gay. But The truth is sooner or later I need to find someone whom I can enjoy my life with. Thank you once again ladies fz'
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 January 2013):
 My gut tells me this man has used you to get a visa. Are you able to talke to your gay child, as they are an adult they may be able to help you see things from a different perspective.
Your marriage might last, but I believe it will be a marriage in name only, if I were you I would not be comfortable remaining married to somebody who deceived me like you have been.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (5 January 2013):
I think he could have made a brilliant best friend if you weren't in love with him, and he hadn't deceived you about your relationship and his sexuality in order to get a visa.
A lasting marriage? Unfortunately I have to say "no". Unless you rewind and accept it for what it is (companionship), but then you'd be selling yourself short and denying yourself the chance of true (mutual) love with someone else.
He/ you can't change his sexual orientation. I'm sorry.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 January 2013):
 Only you can decide if this is going to work FOR YOU or not. I think he deceived you gravely though and that is pretty low.
Will he stay married beyond the Visa time? I don't know.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2013): Sorry to be blunt, but honey he's used you for a visa! And he's happy to stay married as he gets to keep his visa and have it renewed time and time again for as long as your married! A gay man would not marry a straight woman out of love! ever! He may love you as a friend, but not as a lover! He may have a gay lover on the side, in your country, hence him marrying you, to be with his gay lover. As gay marriage (in most countries) does not give rights to a visa. You've been had I'm afraid. I'd divorce and walk away and not listen to excuses as they're only ever going to be excuses.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2013): Sorry, but it won't last. He is not into women. I honestly feel that he is using you to remain in the country. He is like a best friend not a husband. Sooner or later he probably will give in to his urges to be with a man since he can't do sexual penetration with you. You will also become frustrated when you want that penetration and be refuse to give it. Sex is very important in a marriage. He is a deceiver, so I would have a lawyer on speed dial if I were you. Best of luck.
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