A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I got married 3 years ago, since then i have had a crush on my sister-in-law. She is a beautiful girl. Whenever i see her i have this uncontrollable urge to have sex with her. I love my wife but i also have feelings for my sister-in-law. Neither my wife nor my sister-in-law knows about my feelings. I am not sure what i should do.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 October 2017):
 Where you at a stage where you felt you loved your wife enough to want to spend the rest off your life with her and marry her? Or was it that the marriage was arranged and you did not know what the future held? Either way you must know that your wife and her sister are family and you should never come in between that. If you are not sure that you love your wife and that you want to be with her, then you should consider divorce and then getting away from her and her sister.
A
female
reader, 02DuszJ  +, writes (24 October 2017):
 If you can't keep it in your pants (or ignore the lustful thoughts) you were never ready or man enough to settle down
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (24 October 2017):
To clarify you should never have married her if you had obsessive thoughts about another women.
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (24 October 2017):
I think you should do the right thing- DIVORCE her because she deserves better-
How much RESPECT does that show you have for her? And how could you LET her marry you, keeping her in the dark, knowing what you know and what you might plan to pursue??
Think about what a thoughtless, heartless dick that makes you.
Like others said- if you don't divorce her, I hope she sees the light, finds a guy more attractive and sexy than you that will LOVE and RESPECT her- you don't to even consider PURSUING this.
It's in both your interests. Being divorced you can sleep with whoever takes your fancy, being married you CAN'T. That's the difference
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (23 October 2017):
 Are you expecting people to tell you to go for it?
You're married for god sake. If you don't love your wife anymore then break up with her, at least try to retain some dignity than pursuing her sister also.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (23 October 2017):
 I totally and utterly agree with all that WiseOwlE and Youcannotbeserious have stated.
You are a married man, who married to love and to honour YOUR WIFE, all of your life.
If you wanted to continue playing the field, or if you knew you had a crush on your wife's sister, then you shouldn't have married your wife, because it's she, who's heart you'd be tearing apart, if you were so foolish/sleazy enough to try and sleep with her sister.
You know the old saying, you can look, but you can't touch.
There is total truth to this statement and you should follow those golden rules, especially when you've already committed yourself to somebody and who by the way, loves you with sincerity.
I believe your wife loves you beyond measure, otherwise you'd have stated otherwise.
You ought try imagining how hurt you'd feel if your wife was very attracted to one of your male relatives.
I doubt you'd be too thrilled, so you have a moral obligation to pay your wife the very same courtesy.
You should definitely keep away from your wife's sister, especially when the two of you are alone.
Also, remember, if you tried anything on your wife's sister, i can almost guarantee that all hell will break loose and you'll be totally responsible for it all.
Is it so worth it?
Fifteen mins of self-centred pleasure, to risk all that you have?
If you're smart, you'll know the answer.
Don't play Russian roulette with your marriage.
This is a sacred union between you and your wife.
Also, i personally believe that if you were totally committed to your wife, to your marriage and if you truly respected your wife, then you would not be having these dirty thoughts, because this is what this is, a dirty thought.
You may not have done the deed, but the mere fact that you're thinking this way is wrong.
You are an adult and a husband, so try to conduct yourself as such.
If you are someday, fortunate enough to be a Dad, would this be the kind of example you'd be setting to your children?
That it's acceptable to lust after another woman when married?
You need to wear the male version of a CHASTITY BELT!!
Get these wicked thoughts out of your mind and the quicker the better.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (23 October 2017):
 How about you do NOTHING? How about you concentrate on your WIFE, the woman you MARRIED, the woman you say you love?
Being married does not make us blind to the attractions of others. You will ALWAYS see other women we are attractive and who you feel an attraction towards. However, what you CHOOSE to do about it will define your morals and what sort of human being you are.
While there is nothing wrong with feeling attraction towards someone (we cannot help our feelings), there is definitely a lot wrong in surrendering to your "urge", which is definitely not "uncontrollable". YOU have control of what you CHOOSE to do.
Your sister-in-law would probably be shocked if you made any sort of move on her, and it would certainly rock the structure of your whole family. The repercussions could last a lifetime. Is that a price worth paying to satisfy your "urge"? Could you live with the shame?
Avoid being alone with your sister-in-law so that you do not create a situation you will later regret. Remember the wife you profess to love. Imagine her hurt if she were to find out you had chosen to make a move on her sister-in-law. Imagine your sister-in-law's shock when she probably views you as a brother.
How you feel is involuntary. How you act is a CHOICE. We can do anything we want to in life but we must always remember that everything comes with a price. The price, if you were to allow yourself to act on your "urge", would be a family in turmoil, a wife who would probably never forgive you and parents who would feel shame. Are you prepared to pay that price?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2017): Keep your pants zipped and behave yourself. That's what you should do.
Think with your big head, not the little one; and control yourself. You made vows to be faithful. Keep them!
Lusting after your sister-in-law is wrong. You're not among the lower species of animals, unable to control your sexual-impulses.
Think of how you'd feel if your wife was more attracted to, and lusted after one of your better-looking and "better-endowed" male-relatives. Getting all hot and bothered every-time she saw him! Karma can be pretty nasty!
Honor your wife and your marriage. Never be alone with your sister-in-law. One wrong-move, and she will tell her sister! You will be in a mess!
Women are quite intuitive, and your wife will notice how you look at her sister. If you are as out of control as you say; she will notice the tent in your pants, or staring. Wives naturally watch their husbands around other women. They can be quite inconspicuous about it. She may sense it anyway!
I hope she swats you very hard on the back of the head!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2017): What should you do about the hots for your SIL?NOTHING.I would bury those feelings. Not feed them. Spend as little time around her as possible. Do not be alone with her or ever have private conversations. Do not ever flirt with her, stare at her too long, or linger in her presence. Do not find ways or excuses to see her. Never touch her or invade her personal space. You don't want to be faning the flames. You have total control of your thoughts and actions. You are an adult. A married man. Who made a commitment to his wife. Remember how serious this commitment was, is and will always be.If you love your wife, you will take those thoughts and turn them around. You will focus on your wife and your marriage. But I must say there is something seriously wrong with your marriage or with you that you are actually entertaining such thoughts. Not only that but having a serious dilemma about these feelings. We all get crushes but I truly believe if you are crushing on someone else while married then the relationship you are in is not making you truly happy. You feel something is missing or the boredom and complacency of married life has set in. Although it's only been 3 short years! You are literally still in the honeymoon phase!If you have felt this way all along, then why did you marry your wife to begin with? Most men who get married are sure of their decision and not torn between their feelings for their wife-to-be and another woman. Her sister of all people. Perhaps knowing this, you should have delayed the wedding before going forward. To sort yourself out. Do you have children? Is your SIL also married?Yes, another woman is going to look appealing to you. You only see her at her best and not everyday when she is sharing a life with you. An infatuation and love are in two different stratospheres. One is using a person to meet a need such as an ego boost or feeling neglected. The other starts with infatuation but progresses into true love as your bond deepens over time. You can lust after many but there is only one true love. This isn't fair to your wife. She has devoted herself to you. Given 3 or more years to you. And you are fantasizing about a shiny new toy? Despite the fact you claim to love her? Imagine how absolutely devastated your wife would be if she found out your true feelings? I am surprised none of them know already. You must be very good at hiding and acting. This is a very scary character flaw for somebody in your shoes to have.You are here asking what you should do? Nobody here is going to advise you to jump her bones. Even if you were so inclined, I highly doubt your SIL would ever give you the green light. She knows the meaning of loyalty I would suspect. Unlike you. I would not be throwing any hooks out or testing the waters either. We women are not stupid and we see your game coming a mile away. So, any of that behaviour is risky and will backfire.There is nothing you can do here we thought getting into a shitload of trouble. Messing around in the family is an unspoken sin, on too of the sin of adultery. These actions could potentially ruin lives and have a ripple effect. It's suicide if you ask me. You would never, ever get away with it if you even thought for a second your SIL liked you that way. Women are generally much more sensible this way. Men get carried away by the stupid head between their legs.This is a wake up call. There is something amiss in your marriage. Something amiss in you. Likely it was there from the start but you decided to ignore it and went ahead and married your wife anyway. I would not ever tell your wife about the feelings you have. Very bad idea. And ditto to your SIL.You are going to have to suck it up and get over it. You can if you make that choice. And direct all that energy into your wife. Maybe you need to connect a little more. Go away together a little more. Communicate a little more. Have arguments a little more. Have sex a little more. Laugh and be silly a little more. Have FUN a little more. Tend to your own lawn cause the lawn over there isn't your responsibility to maintain. If you find these feelings aren't going away, then you need to get some counselling to find out what is going on with you. Is your marriage a good one? You say you love your wife.... BUT???What's going on?Are you sure you do love your wife? Are you sure you made the right choice in marrying her? You will have to ask yourself and then answer some hard questions.Putting a band aid on, which is what a fling/affair would be, is only asking for further trouble once the shit hits the fan. It always does. It starts off as a fun distraction and escape from reality but those involved never look to the destruction and fallout their actions cause down the road. Once they go through this, they regret every single minute of it. I suggest counselling, reconnecting with your wife, keeping yourself busy, and staying away from your SIL. It's ok if she and your wife do things together but outside of the obligatory family events, there is no need for you to ever hang around them. That's when you need to make yourself scarce. I know, no fun. No excitement. No ego boost. But that's life. It's called being a responsible, intelligent adult. But more than that, it's about being a GOOD husband. If you really do LOVE your wife, you will protect her most precious asset, her HEART and your biggest investment, your MARRIAGE. How would you like it if your wife was writing us on DC asking for advice on what to do about her crush on your brother? How would that feel? Would that hurt? Of course it would. Now hang onto that feeling and have some empathy for your wife.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (23 October 2017):
You should behave like an adult. You're not in junior high school. Concentrate on what is important to you. That should be your marriage, I hope.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2017): here is what you should do:
1. Grow up.
2. Whatever you do, do not tell your wife or her sister.
3. If you must, pick another beautiful girl to fantasize about.
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