A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've been going out with this boy for 2 months now and it's a LDR situation. I knew it was going to be hard to not spend all that time together but I felt I could handle it. Lately he's been asking me to send naughty pictures to him and it makes me feel dirty and low for doing it. I sent a few at the start of the relationship but lately I haven't felt like sending any. I've told him that I don't want to and he should respect my decision. Which he does but he constantly asks. And then he says "I'd love you if you did"...That, to me is emotional blackmail. As in if I don't send any, I won't ever have his love.I just don't know how to put it across to him that he needs to stop it. Any advice?I should also say that I am still a virgin and he knows this. We plan to meet on the 4th Nov for a night. (Not even that long) but a weekend is better than nothing. He says we can have sex if I feel up to it. Which when he's away I do. But when we get down to it, I freak our and say no. Another thing is he won't tell his parents about us. (Not majorly fussed) but it means he doesn't call when they are around I've asked him too but he just wont call meaning we rarely speak on the phoneI don't know if I expect too much from him and because I'm not getting that, I'm lost and empty and beginning to lose interest. If anyone has any advice, I'd greatly appreciate it :)
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emotional blackmail, long distance, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (25 October 2017):
 As far as meeting up with him on the 4th, make sure you bring a friend and it's in a very public place. Also make sure others know that you are meeting up with this guy. This guy has sent out some red flags BE SAFE until you have really gotten to know him and I mean face to face.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 October 2017):
 You say he respects your decision to not send the photos? How does he do that when he still asks when you have told him how it makes you feel. Sweetie am not sure you know what respect means, it means he would not ask again as he knows how it makes you feel, he is emotionally blackmailing you and you are allowing him to. This already tells me he is not interested in you romantically it is more or less just about sex for him. How do you know he is not married? Or has children? If he does not phone you because you are a secret then you could be sure that he is keeping lots off secrets from you. You are planning to meet up with this man and it sounds like you barely know him at all. Honestly are you sure you are even safe with him? You mention that you are a virgin so am guessing you are knew to relationships, just don't get carried away and think that this is normal it is not and he could be a danger to you therefore you really need to slow down. It sounds to me like he is using you and you would be much better without him in your life.
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (23 October 2017):
 Btw you don't have to be famous to get him into trouble, in the UK it's definitely a police matter- let him know that in no uncertain terms. You are not an indispensable piece for the wank bank, youre an individual with rights
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (23 October 2017):
Wow.. just wow. I second all the advice given.. this guy is a rat.
I would not be worrying about if you "should" send him more pics! I would be worrying about what he could/ is doing with the ones you sent. I agree with the aunt saying get legal advice
-What about if you became famous and he leaked it to a newspaper for money.. yeah you could sue but doesn't remove the pictures..
This doesn't mean your life is over don't worry.. but like Honeypie said you have to realise the seriousness of these things. And like Cindy said, take your pride and leave, because he will drop you when he can't get what he wants..
Trust us, it's better to be alone than with this dirty user hornball
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 October 2017):
 I so agree with Aunt Cindy here,
This has disaster written ALL over it. The fact that he KEEPS asking for something you have told him, you DO NOT want to do - it's a HUGE red flag. And then you INTEND on meeting up with this ALMOST stranger? Who is HOPING for some virgin sex. You think a no will work for him? In all seriousness? If he is trying to manipulate you over texts, do you really think he won't in person?
He is OK with having naught pics from you and meeting up for sex, but he can't tell his parents that he has a GF? He won't call you on the phone but he is HOPING for sex when you meet in person? Really? You accept that kind of SHIT from a guy?
I call BS.
I think you are being WAY too naive here and potentially putting yourself at risk. Over a guy, you DON'T even know. Not really. All you KNOW about his is what he has told you.
My advice? YOU want a BF? Find someone who lives close enough for you to go on dates, for you BOTH to get to know each other IN person.
Sorry OP, I think you need a to use WAY more common sense. TALK to your parents about this guy, about the meetup - see how THEY feel about this whole thing. OR have you not told YOUR parents about him either? If not, why not?
(My guess? Because you know something is hinky about all this or the guy have asked you not to involve your folks yet).
NEVER EVER send pictures to ANYONE you would want your mom and dad to see. THAT is a simple notion you OUGHT to consider.
NEVER EVER meet up with a guy you don't REALLY know at a hotel or someone's home. MEET in public. MAKE sure someone knows where you are and WHO you are meeting with.
Have an OUNCE of self-preservation, OP
I know that "not all" guys on the internet are "bad guys" but there are WAY more "bad people" out there than you'd think. The LOW estimate in the US is that 1,500,000 KIDS are being trafficked for sex. ONLY about 10% (150,000) of these were runaways, the rest? Most of them were LURED into it ONLINE.
I have 3 daughters and it TERRIFIES me to know JUST how many sick FU@#ers are "out there" and how many young girls and guys end up in 100% PREVENTABLE situations.
Please please, USE common sense.
And UNDERSTAND that sending nudes or having sex with someone doesn't GUARANTEE that he gives a flying FART about you. Him saying "sweet things" online/texts - It doesn't guarantee YOU being safe. And you have ABSOLUTELY no idea what he is saying is actually true. (same goes for him).
You NEED to accept that you HAVE to pay attention to what is going on. There are ALARM bells ALL over your story, that you seem to ignore. ARE you that desperate to have someone "love" you? If so, why?
Sorry if I sound all doom and gloom here, but it's mind-boggling how little emphasis young people put on safety, common sense and self-preservation.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 October 2017):
 I think I asked you this already previously ( - or maybe it was another poster in a similar situation ) but :- why aren't you " majorly fussed" that he won't call you when his parents are at home ?? It IS something to be majorly fussed about, because it makes no sense and when things make no sense , there's generally a big rat to smell. If he is around your age, sure he does not need his parents ' permission to call whomever he wants. And , unless they only have a landline - with loudspeakers - he would not even need to make a major official announcement " I am going to call my girlfriend !! ". he can...just call you.
So, he is , either actively making a big effort a secret , and it would be the case to wonder what's the reason why. Or , he is bullshitting you and the reason why he rarely calls is because he just can't be bothered. Or because he has a local gf.
Uhm. This, to me, has got " hit and run " written all over on. In the sense, that he is interested in meeting up on Nov. 4th because he will have a chance to pressure you into having sex with him. I am not sayong he is going to force you, but, come in, he " respects your decisions " ? My foot. If he respected your decision, he would have stopped asking you for nude pics the first time you refused !
He counts that you aren't too good at standing up for yourself, and that you are easily manipulable, so he's got a good chance to make you feel " up for it ". After which, I would not be surprised at all if all your ,already sporadic, contacts would steadily dwindle down - or even came to a screeching alt.
As a matter of fact, there would be a very simple way to making him stop asking you for pics. You would just have to tell him " look, enough is enough. I have alreday told you NO a few times, but you do not listen ; next time you ask again, it will be the last because it will instantly be over between us ".
Why haven't you thought of such a simple, intuitive solution ?.. My guess is that you might have thought of it - but you don't dare to try, because deep down you KNOW that his answer would be "Ok.ByeBye then ".
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (23 October 2017):
 I don't know how you can't read the obvious but Oh My God!! This guy couldn't be a bigger creep and he's playing you like nobody's business! Please don't send him nude pics, don't meet up with him alone to spend the night with him and don't have sex with this ass under any circumstances! His intentions regarding you are nothing but sleazy. I don't think you should involved with this guy in any way. And I can get my bottom dollar on the fact that he's cheating on you.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (23 October 2017):
Oh, and tell him that you'll be going to an attorney, too.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (23 October 2017):
Never send nude photos of yourself, especially on-line and to someone you haven't met. At any point he can post these on-line for everyone to see. If he ever gets angry with you he can declare revenge by sending your nude photos to your friends and family. This actually happened to a good friend of mine who is in her mid-40's...her ex-husband sent a whole bunch of dirty photos of her to her dad! And her dad cut all communication with her, even though it wasn't her fault. This was a guy who was around 50 yo and should be more mature than to do that.
Unfortunately, you've already sent your boy dirty photos. You can be sure that he's let his friends see these photos. This is just the way young guys work...they brag to their friends when it comes to sexual conquests. Now just hope they don't go viral.
You're absolutely right about him trying to emotionally blackmail you. It is absolutely ridiculous for him to state he'll love you if you give him naughty photos. He'll be laughing at you.
This guy is a real joke and not worthy of your time. Tell him that you are keeping his e-mails and texts (and do so!), and if any of those photos ever go on-line you'll be going directly to the police as well as his parents.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2017): First of all have you ever met this guy? Its sounding like you haven’t by the way you are stating that your going to meet on a certain date and that he is saying if you want to sleep together you can. Having any kind of relationship inc ldr id say you have to have already met because it’s not a true relationship. Have you face timed this person if not why not? People catfish people everyday and they just want whatever they want out of someone and when they’re done they get rid. I’m only saying this just incase you haven’t met each other. If you have already met, how many times has it been? Never ever send naughty pictures no matter how guilty the guy ever makes you feel. You have already done this hopefully you didn’t have your face on the pictures though! So you have to move past this now. You have already told him you don’t want to send him any more pics but he’s now guilt tripping you. You could turn the tables on him and guilt trip him tell him you would only love him if he respects your decision tell him its more special being together in person and it’ll mean more because you don’t / cant spend a lot of time together. Has he ever sent you pics? He can’t expect everything to suit him. I don’t believe in sending naughty pics to anyone as it can cause a lot of problems so he cant pressure you , how would he feel if you kept pressuring him for some ?. Fairly new relationships, each other don’t usually bother about the parents knowing as you’re both adults and want to see if it leads to something more solid .so yes I wouldn’t bother about that too. You could be feeling lost and empty because its not a regular kind of relationship you cant just phone each up and say hey lets meet up later so you don’t have the physical side of a relationship as and when you want (hugs, holding hands). You need to ask yourself a few things, do you really want to be in a ldr? Can you truly manage being in one? Is he the right guy for you when he’s pushing and guilt tripping you so early on in the relationship? I think you only sent the pictures to make him happy and to keep him and hoping he’s the one and you’re clinging on to something that doesn’t seem genuine on his part. If you think that he’s not the one and want to end it and stay friends say it to him in person because you need to make sure he deletes the photos in front of you and mention (if you feel you need to) that these days there are prison terms for people putting naughty pics online and you wouldn’t want yours going on by accident and him getting in to trouble. If you think he’s one you do want to build a relationship with then you need to set up some kind of 'rules' and boundaries and the first rule is no naughty pics
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2017): Don't send pictures. . It's only been 2 months. .my advice if you do iso keep your face out of them as if things turn nasty and he uses them against you no one will be sure it's you
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (23 October 2017):
Tell him no! The internet is littered with pictures of women who sent pictures to husbands and boyfriends in the belief that they would be safe and they weren't.
Again tell him no and if he continues to ask find a love closer to home. Actually you should dump this emotional blackmailer now.
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