A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi! My boyfriend lent me his cell phone and I found a conversation between him and his friend talking about a girl in his class, in the text he said he had a hot classmate and that he spent all class looking at her, he said he loved her face and that she looks so good, he said explicitly "for this one I'll do anything she asks" and he said that if she was single he swore he was going to hit on her. How should I take this? I know guys talk about girls all the time and not precisely nice, but this made me feel really uncomfortable. What do you think?
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (15 September 2016):
 How do you take it?
Well... at best it is extremely disrespectful, your boyfriend minimizing your committed relationship with him in order to present himself to his buddy as a ladies' man.
At worst, if he's being truthful, it's proof of his desire to cheat with this girl should the opportunity arise.
Since even the mildest possible interpretation of this behavior is out of bounds for most committed, closed relationships, it sounds like it's time to (re)address the subject of appropriate boundaries for yours. "Adam, I didn't mean to find your messages to John, but I did. Where exactly does our existing relationship fit in to your expressed intentions with Lisa?"
If he tries to paint this behavior as innocent I would second Honeypie's suggestion of reversing the roles to better illustrate how the partner being faithful might not find this behavior so harmless.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 September 2016):
 Sounds like he is trying to be a big man, coming off as cool and flirty. But really if he cared about you he would not talk to his friends like this when he is in a relationship, I mean it is okay to talk to them about how hot someone is, but he took it to far by saying he would hit on her if she was single. That would be enough for me to question his loyalty. He may be trying to show off or else he may be looking to cheat, best to find out now before it gets worse.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (14 September 2016):
 You could ask him about it, I meant he lent you the phone so it's not like you've gone snooping and found the info as I guess the messages weren't very hard to find.
Confront him and see what he says
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 September 2016):
 I'd say it sounds like "locker room" chat between guys trying to come off as "studs" and "manly". However, it also shows a lot of disrespect for YOU AND the girl in question.
And I would tell him JUST that.
Ask him if he would be OK if you talked in a similar way to another guy.
See what he says.
...............................
|
