A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i really need some honest constructive advice. over two years ago i met a guy at work. i had come out of a dreadful relationship and my confidence was low. i work hard at work but am always given a hard time for it so this guy seemed to like me and my working style and i was flattered as for the first time in 5 years i felt valued. anyway we became friends and worked together. he was new and i helped train him and get him on his feet-he was very close to getting sacked but i saved him by helping him. he never seemed to have any money and everytime we worked together i noticed i was paying -for coffees, meals and he never reacted at all.i kept deluding myself he was a good friend and for the last 2 years hes relied on me for financial help many times-we're not talking 20 pounds here but at least 150-300 most months and other little amounts inbetween. what i noticed was weird was he would make grand statements like he had £60,000 invested in a business but never seemed to be involved with it-had a sports car that was parked streets away whenever i walked him home and other stuff about owning property. he was always broke yet had me convinced this was all true. anyway fast forward two years later and nothig much has changed. he still knows i was fond of him and the financial help got more and more but i was growing tired of the lies which were getting more elaborate. my two close friends also noticed how much i did for him and that he was lying. he also knew i liked him and he was frequently on these sex chat dating sites and chatting at work on the phone with these girls knowing i was there and seemed to enjoy winding me up. i couldnt have done more for this guy. anyway things came to a head last week and i confronted him with the lies, he swiftly told me to delete his personal number and from now on i was only a work colleague !! he used to talk to me about loads of personal stuff but now that was none of my business. i was devastated.-felt like crap then he calls friday night !! i didnt answer but i feel like a used rag. what did i do so wrong. ive still got to work with this guy. i used to think the sun shone out his backside but now i look and see different. im also seeing him for what he really is. i used to think he was good looking but hes not -actually quite rough. whats wrong with me please help :(
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at work, confidence, money Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011): I agree with LazyGuy. This man of yours is a dirtbag but I don't have a ton of sympathy for someone who willingly allowed herself to be used.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (13 November 2011):
 Gosh, the women are supportive aren't they. Nothing wrong with you, it is all his fault...
How many women are born a minute? Guess they are wrong, there are about 200-300 babies born every minute, half female. So there are 100-150 born a minute. Not one.
For the female readers who didn't get this, yes I did mean women are fools.
You SAW what happened and ignored it. Since you are 30-35 this can hardly be the first time. If you fool me once, shame on you, if you fool me twice, shame on me.
How many times have you been fooled?
Look, you can listen to the women on this forum who will tell you everything is someone elses fault (as long as someone else happens to be male) or realize that you let whatever rule over your common sense.
Maybe you tried to buy a pet and were suprised it ended up biting the hand feeding it. Maybe you thought you could change him. Maybe you are just not very good at connecting the dots.
What is wrong with you? Nothing much unless you keep doing this. See it as a learning experience. You exprienced it, now learn from it. Relationships are not magic. They follow simple rules and one of the rules is that takers are bottomless pits with no sense of history. A gold-digger is only there as long as you keep putting money in it. They ain't hard to spot but you can only be with them if you are using them as much as they are using you.
Stop tearing him down (yeah sure, he suddenly lost his looks) and simply accept that you been fooled and don't be fooled again. Or blame everything on him while the next user lines up. Your choice.
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A
female
reader, kate28 +, writes (13 November 2011):
It sounds like this guy is a narcissist and that you've finally seen him for what he is. I would stay away from him and only interact with him as needed at work. This guy isn't going to change and will just keep lying and taking advantage of you if you let him.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 November 2011):
 There is nothing wrong with you, you where at a low point in your life and you looked to him as a friend. He used this to his advantage and he used you for your money and your kind nature. Don't blame yourself for him manipulating and using you. He is not worth your thoughts. He is not a very nice man, and as soon as you started asking questions regarding his life he felt threatened and just cut you out. He did not think of you as an important friend he used you to his advantage and took money from you. I hope karma hits him right where it hurts. Be glad that you have finally saw him for what he really is and that you have escaped now instead of years down the line. Look at it as a lucky escape. Sorry that you have had to go through this, there really are some horrible people out there.
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