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I don't want to causing cheating, but I'm still in love with my best friend...

Tagged as: Cheating, Dating, Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 October 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 27 October 2009)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I have known my best friend for 2 years now, starting freshmen year of college. He is now my roommate. We hung out every day, have many inside jokes, nicknames, and we used to say I love you. We never really went out because we had communication issues - we are both really shy when it comes to feelings. He has never dated anyone or asked anyone out before. I thought he wasn't interested last year and started looking to date elsewhere. I didn't notice that this was killing him inside because he never said anything - he would go running to get his mind off of things. I just thought he wanted to get in shape.

Over summer, we went back home to work and earn money (he lives 5 hours away). I told him I would come visit him, but I got mono and couldn't make the drive. Near the beginning of the new semester, I visited him only to be made to drive home 3 hours later, after seeing her car parked in his driveway, her clothes and makeup scattered all over his room, and a note saying "Pick me up at 10 when I get off work." It made it really awkward, I wanted to cry, but I just drove back home.

Now we live together, and the first two months, he purposefully ignored me because she gets jealous really easily and maybe because he is trying to surpress his feelings for me. She even tells him that I make her uncomfortable at the house, so they don't hang out here anymore.

Now, he is hanging out with me and our other roommate more, constantly hugging me, playing wrestling, and touching me (the touch barrier was never broken before). It started only when I was drunk, but now he does it even when I'm not. When he hugs me, he says, "I'm glad we are such close friends" or "You are the best friend I've ever had." Last night we shared a chair and he kept moving closer to my side so we were touching. I don't know what his intentions are. Does he still like/love me? What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to initiate something back? I don't want to causing cheating but I'm still in love with him as well to some degree. I am just trying to hide it.

View related questions: best friend, drunk, I love you, jealous, money, roommate, shy

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009):

Thank you for your comments. It has brought me back down to earth.

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A male reader, tux United States +, writes (24 October 2009):

tux agony auntIs he still seeing this other girl? It seems his relationship may be done or in trouble since he has been spending more time with you and your other roommate... but in the end, you are better off not taking it forward until the relationship is completely over and he has time to react to it being over.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (24 October 2009):

It's as simple as this. If he doesn't split up with his girlfriend for you, he's not interested enough, and you would be better moving on.

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