A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How am I going to be able to last the next 7 weeks with my boyfriend when he makes my skin crawl?He is married and I've been seeing him for a couple of years.Earlier this year we booked a holiday for november but I'm having serious second thoughts. I really can't stand this man anymore, I find myself arguing with him constantly because I feel so bitter and resentfull. I want to make the split with him now as I feel I am more than ready, but this holiday is stopping me as its a lot of money to waste.I have tried asking him to buy me out of the holiday and to take his wife but he refuses and says he feels the holiday will make me realise how good we are together. He doesn't realise I actually hate his guts and I feel sick whenever he touches me. I can't bare to have him near me- this bitterness has built up over recents weeks as I've had to sit and listen to his twisted lies and pretend to believe them.How do i get through the next few weeks without pulling my hair out?
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (13 September 2011):
 If it is only about the money-save your sanity and lose the money and do not go on the holiday.
Tell him you are done with your arrangement/relationship.
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (13 September 2011):
 you can still go on the holiday but just avoid him as much as you can while there. even make arrangements to take a friend and spend all your time with them instead of him. this will give him a VERY CLEAR MESSAGE that no, the holiday will not be an opportunity for him to get into your good books again. then on the way home from the holiday get in separate cabs at the airport!
if you really despise him though, why not just give him the ticket back and tell him that you would rather lose the money you have paid than be stuck with him on a holiday
x
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 September 2011):
 chalk up the money lost to lessons learned and move forward... seriously I'm sorry for the loss of money but yoru sanity is worth way more than this.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (13 September 2011):
Write the holiday cost off. We all learn from our mistakes, don't make your mistake strech out any longer. You've already made the decision now you need the resolve to carry it through. By cancelling the holiday he will realise you are serious.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2011): Just say no and chalk it up to one of life's experiences, as someone here posted. Also chalk it up to karma, as you don't seem to have a problem being with a married man. Seriously, I don't think you have a right to whine in this situation.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (13 September 2011):
 If he's really that bad, break up with him. This isn't as hard as you're forcing it to be.
Money isn't everything...Personally, I value my emotional health and sanity much more. And if I was going to be given a choice between paying X amount of money or being stuck on a trip with someone who I literally HATED, I'd pay the money and breathe a sigh of relief.
Seriously, you're overthinking and overcomplicating this extremely simple choice. Don't go. Break up with him. Problems solved.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2011): money shouldn't stop you from breaking it off with him. you may feel bad for wasting money but you'll feel worse if you stay on.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 September 2011):
 If you hate him, why not break it off and send him back to his wife?
Seriously, when you put the words "married lover" together, there are lies that make that happen, both spoken and unspoken. So you didn't have any problems with him lying to his wife, yet if he lies to you, that's different?
He's a liar! Break it off with him and consider the money you spent to be the price of a good lesson learned. A married lover is a liar. There's no way around it. You can't be "good together" because there IS no together, only a secret sex on the sly. You're his "strange", meaning he is married and can not possibly make any promises to you.
I am not saying this to judge you because I'm sure you've been saying "Why the hell did I ever get involved with a married man?!?" enough for the both of us.
You might be thinking of the money now, but even more importantly, you're thinking about extricating yourself from this guy and getting him out of your life. If you go with him, he's going to put his hands all over you. He's going to want honeymoon-caliber sex from you (read **lots**), and he's going to expect no hesitation.
Chalk the money out to a loss, don't even pursue the "buy you out" plan and just get out of it. He can go by himself so that he can reflect on exactly how far his lies and betrayals have cost him.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (12 September 2011):
 If he won't buy you out of the trip then let him eat the cost himself. You did give him a choice.
Don't go just to protect him from wasting money.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): Because I lose a lot of money otherwise. I've even tried selling the holiday to family members but the company I've booked it with want to charge €90 for name change!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): I agree, don't go. Tell him that you are done and that you need to move on. Then as necessary change your phone number, your facebook, e-mail adress, anything you have to do to cut this guy out of your life. Don't let him back in because you know the truth of what he is and what he did to his wife.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): wow, I don't know how you can spend one second with him much less go on holiday with him. Can you cancel your part of the trip with the travel agency and get some money back? Otherwise, these are your options: go and enjoy yourself, ignore him and try to meet other people, leave him to himself and pay for a separate room if you can. Don't go at all and just figure that it is worth losing the money since you won't have to spend time with him. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 September 2011):
why do you have to be with him?
just don't go.
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