A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently made the biggest mistake of my life. A girl I've known since forever (seriously, our mothers are best friends and our grandmothers knew each other). Pretty much by default, it was expected we would eventually get together. Well, we did. Got together at age 19 after we realized that we really do like each other and not just because we are basically forced to. We've been together two years, nine months and two Weeks ago, I did something that I will forever regret. We live together and she always asks me why I'm always up late, tearing my hair out. She's starting to get worried about me and I know I don't deserve her love anymore. I'm just so afraid she's gonna do the one thing that she will have the right to do but the one thing that will truly tear me down: leave me.You see, I cheated. What's worse is that I was going to purpose to her on our three year anniversary (Christmas day). I think I was caught up in the fact that this girl will be the last girl I'm ever "with". Sexually, I mean. I was completely sober and that's what makes it harder. I need to come clean, I know that but God, what the FUCK did I do!? I can't think, can't sleep, can't eat. I love this woman to death and I can't imagine a minute without her. We've shared so much; she's my queen. I want to kick my own ass to the moon! I have ceased all contact with the girl I strayed with and now realize how much a hoe she really is. I know I'm no better in that I betrayed the only woman i've ever truly loved.I don't even know how to approach the subject. This is the first and will be the ONLY time I've ever done this. I know this is asking too much but I need help...
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male
reader, Bob Loblaw +, writes (12 September 2012):
Why are you blaming that "other woman" for something YOU did? The fact that you feel it necessary to call her a "hoe" tells me that you are still deflecting the blame for your own wayward intentions. Admit it - you are not ready to commit wholeheartedly to a marriage at your age, because you want to play the field first. It doesn't matter whether you were drunk or sober - you acted on deep-seated feelings.I understand that. It's a very normal, although not necessarily honorable male trait among men your age. But *you* need to accept that first and understand that simply claiming that you will never do it again doesn't carry much weight - not until you've really figured out what matters to you in your life. And that will take time.I don't really know what to suggest - but I will say that it sounds to me like you are in no way ready to commit to this woman for the rest of your life. Sure, you *could* commit, and maybe things would be fine for a year or two - but you are destined to repeat your mistake until you first come to grips with the deeper desires inside you.
A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (12 September 2012):
 The fact that you feel such guilt and care so much for her will probably save you. Telling her will also help the situation. It shows you are honest and upfront and respect her, you didn't necessarily need to tell her you cheated yet you did because you love her so much you can't live with yourself when keeping this from her. You may think she has no way of finding this out but things have a way of coming out anyway. And if she found out by any other means she couldn't forgive you easily or at all. Then it wouldn't be that you were honest and caring about her, it would be that you got caught and are now trying to save your ass. I would forgive (or try my hardest) my husband for cheating if he owned up to it and apologized and begged for forgiveness. If I somehow found out and he had kept it from me, I would never trust him again and I would leave.
You already did the ultimate betrayal by cheating. Don't add insult to injury by lying straight to her face and acting like it didn't happen... She's the love of your life so tell her. You can read her this post or have her read it after telling her. It sums up your thoughts and regret very well. Even if she decides to ultimately leave you, at least you were honest and can live with yourself. That's more than almost any cheater can say. I'm probably so easy on you because I value honesty so much I could forgive a mistake once. Lets hope your girlfriend feels the same way.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 September 2012):
 I think the fact that you regret it and show remorse might be your "saving grace".
I DO think you need to tell her. If this girl is "The One" for you, you can't just sweep it under the rug. Truth has a way of coming out, one way or another.
And honestly, calling the girl you slept with a hoe is not helping it. She SURELY didn't put a gun to you head and had sex with you. You made a choice and piss-poor one at that.
Be honest and own up to it. Be ready for what ever comes and be ready to do whatever your GF needs you to do to rebuild that trust that you TORE down, JUST for a roll in the hay.
Ever actions has consequences.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2012): You need to take your secret to your grave. Dont hurt her and dont repeat the "mistake". However if there is chance that she might find out I would recommend that you be honest to her as its better a confession than someone spilling the beans and she thinks your are a cheat and a person who tells lies.
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