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I am in love with my brother's best friend

Tagged as: Crushes, Family, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 August 2017) 5 Answers - (Newest, 11 August 2017)
A female South Africa age 18-21, anonymous writes:

Ok so I really need advice!!!! My brother has been best friends with this one guy for like ever. His friend M. Has known me his entire life and I never thought of him as anything else but like a second brother. But my brother and his friend drifted a little, (they're still close firends but not as close as they use to be) when they went to varsity and this year I started varsity and happened to go to the same variety as M.

I'm confused because he started flirting with me and told me that one day I'm going to be the girl he marries. He holds my hand and eapks me to my lectures. He's always there for me and I really have started to see him in another way and not as my "second brother type thing" the thing I need advice on is that he hasn't told me his feelings for me. But I feel as if he does like me. But I can't keep waiting for him to tell me he likes me. I feel like the minute we get too close or are about to kiss, he pulls away and literally drifts away from me but eventually comes back to me.i know he's always been a player but he really isn't like that with me, he's family and my family are are also really close. And I know he would never do anything to hurt me on purpose. But this feeling of having serious feeling for him and not knowing where he stands is hurting. What should I do? Stay? Or try move On? Help!!?!?!

View related questions: best friend, flirt, move on, player

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A female reader, femmefemale  +, writes (11 August 2017):

and I'm assuming he's 20-23? Boys at this age can mess girls about and that's could be why he's holding off so if you are going to pursue anything after you two have spoken about it... take is reallllyyyy slow. This could be your husband but you have to give him time to sow his wild oats and act a fool while he's young.

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A female reader, femmefemale  +, writes (11 August 2017):

My mum married her brother's best friend. They've been married for 29 years.

The advantages of marrying him are that there's likely to be a high level of respect and love that exists based on the relationship he already has with you. He's less likely to mess you about because of this and because there's so much at risk because of you are family friends.

I say tell him you are confused about your feelings for him... see what happens. You're young if he doesn't feel the same you will get over it and if he does... I wish you many happy years together.

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A male reader, judgedick France +, writes (8 August 2017):

judgedick agony auntIf he is this close a friend you can have a proper talk with him, ask him what he wants from your friendship, and where does he see it going and if he wants to follow up on what he said,

you are 18 and not a kid now so you can tell if he is playing you along or not, what is the worst can happen, weigh up this and put your mind at ease

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (8 August 2017):

You know two sides of M. He's like family to you, and he's also a player. He knows how to tell the ladies what they want to hear. You're growing into womanhood, and M has a big ego. He told you what he told you only to initiate you into his fan-club. He is fully aware of your crush; and he's tapping into that energy that feeds his big-fat inflated ego. He's the man about campus, and he makes the freshman swoon!

He has no intention of marrying you. Learn where to draw the line, and where to direct your feelings. You can't go falling for every sweet-talker who comes your way. Some people are friends, and should remain in the friend-zone.

You are an 18 year-old female; and sometimes at that age, you confuse your feelings with a surge of your hormones. You're becoming old enough to know the difference. You will crush on the cutest jocks, the handsome popular boys; and every cute guy who hits on you. Get a grip, girlfriend! Boys play with your feelings when they think you're dumb, or they're up to no good.

He hasn't followed-up on his words, because he didn't mean them. He was just enjoying the fact that you're idolizing him and that boosted his ego. Now you've got a dose of what some guys can be like. They will toy with your emotions and they will tell you they love you and have feelings; but they either want sex with no strings attached; or they are just blowing hot air. Take what he says with a grain of salt.

He's not serious, he's being a tease and feeding off your crush. It makes him feel like a big-man to play with a little-girl's heart.

Take him as just messing around and ignore it. Look at him like a big brother. He is not your future husband. He meant that only as a joke, and you have to learn to handle your crushes so they don't turn into infatuations that will distract you, or paralyze you with confusion. This is a life-lesson you can take with you as you become a woman.

Shrug it off. It ain't happening. He's not in-love with you.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (8 August 2017):

Denizen agony auntThe answer is to move on. If he can't make up his mind about you then the thing to do is date someone else. Did he say you were the girl he was going to marry? Well he needs to get a move one to make that wish come true.

I think if you were to be more seductive that might draw him in and then drive him away.

He has an idea of you in his head and that would break it. You wouldn't any longer be his friend's sweet little sister.

He is conflicted and, to be honest, you are wasting your fun years at college waiting for him to sort his head out.

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