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My ex bf contacted me, I told my bf about it, mistake or no?

Tagged as: Dating, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 August 2017) 8 Answers - (Newest, 16 August 2017)
A female United States age 26-29, *rueLoveWaits2016 writes:

I dated this guy briefly, but broke up w/him due to him being a control freak and somewhat mentally unstable. His number was blocked, but the other day I deleted all my blocked numbers (I didn't even know it was his number). He ended up messaging me, we exchanged brief messages and I ended w/asking him never to contact me again. I told my bf because I want to be honest and due to the other guys nature, I don't know if he will interfere and my bf would find out that I kept that to myself that he contacted me. Did I make a mistake?

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A female reader, TrueLoveWaits2016 United States + , writes (16 August 2017):

TrueLoveWaits2016 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

lol no he isn't a jealous control freak. I told him about this because I am afraid that the other guy could cause problems for us.

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A male reader, Billy Bathgate United States + , writes (8 August 2017):

No you did not make a mistake. Unless this guy is also a jealous control freak.

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A female reader, TrueLoveWaits2016 United States + , writes (8 August 2017):

TrueLoveWaits2016 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I am def not going to answer again. I was honest and open w/my bf because idk if the other guy will pull anything stupid and if he does attempt anything my bf would wonder why I never told him that he contacted me.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (8 August 2017):

I meant to say: It's okay to tell your boyfriend.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (8 August 2017):

It's okay that you told your boyfriend; so he is aware in-case this guy does something stupid. Now totally purge it from your mind and don't make a big deal of it. Over-thinking leads to irrational behavior, or anxiety. Don't give that asshat power to interfere with what you've got going now.

I suggest that you reblock that incoming number and never respond to unidentified numbers as a rule. He has your number; so all he has to do is use another phone to reach you. You shouldn't change your number unless he continuously attempts to contact you. You shouldn't have to, if you're not responding to messages from "unidentified sources." Just deleting them! Don't pickup, swipe to the left!

Every contact doesn't require a response; unless you're into drama. The less drama you have from your past, the better off your new relationship will be.

As an uncle on DC, I have advised people to dump people with too much drama and interference from their exes. It means they've got unresolved issues; and it will be nothing but a wedge in the middle of your relationship. Stop opening the messages, and he's out of your life; unless he shows up. Then let your boyfriend settle it, man to man. I do not mean physical violence. He will step-in to make him go-away. If the guy persists, then you should file a police complaint.

I don't think you have anything to worry about in this case. He's just testing the waters to see how you'd respond or react.

A boyfriend's duty is to protect you. That's only when some guy insists on bothering you. Not because you foolishly keep falling for an ex's mind-games; and picking-up unidentified calls, or opening unidentified messages that you don't have to.

Hit delete or swipe-left, it takes only a split-second.

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A male reader, Riot2017 Mexico +, writes (8 August 2017):

Short Answer: No

Long answer: Honesty and transparency are good ways to increase trust in a relationships.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (8 August 2017):

Honeypie agony auntI agree with Cindy,

It's not a mistake to tell your current BF that the ex-bf contacted you and that you told him to not contact you again.

And I also agree that you can't expect the ex-bf to "honor" your request, so that leaves it up to YOU to make sure he doesn't have a way to contact you again - which means BLOCK the number again OR get a new number.

If the ex-bf is mentally unstable he will see the "don't contact me" as a challenge rather than a demand. It's like opening a door you shut firmly to keep him out.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (8 August 2017):

CindyCares agony aunt No, or at least not in telling your current bf, he will have appreciated your openness .

The mistake, if any, was in responding to the ex's message , in fact exchanging a series of brief messages : why ?? the guy is not only an ex, but mentally unstable and a potential troublemaker . Why did not just ignore him and block him again at once ?

Why " asking " him to please never contact you again, which he 'll maybe oblige, or maybe not, at his own choice ? You should not be " asking " him anything, you should simply make sure, at the best of your capacity, that he CANNOT contact you again.

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