A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently started going out with this girl. She’s beautiful, smart, kind and funny. Pretty much everything I could ask for in a girl. The only problem? I’ve slept with her sister.I’m 23 and she’s 22. We’ve been going out for 3 weeks now. The other day we were sharing pictures of our families with each other and she showed me a picture of her and her younger sister, who she said is 20. When I looked at her I was sure I’d met her before, although I didn’t say anything at the time to my girlfriend.A few hours later it dawned on me that I’d slept with her about 18 months ago. It was pretty meaningless; we hooked up in a nightclub, went back to my flat and had drunken sex. She left the next morning and I never heard from her again. Pretty much your normal one-night stand. Now I don’t know what the hell I’m gonna tell my girlfriend. She’s suggested I meet her family soon. Should I tell her now? Would her sister even remember me? I can’t help but think it would taint our relationship if I told her. But then again she’s bound to find out somehow. What should I do? I know its early days but I’ve got a good feeling about this relationship and really don’t want to lose her, she’s not like anyone else I’ve ever met.Advice Please.
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female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (8 March 2016):
 Ok why not first be 100% sure that it is her sister. When you meet her Im sure you'll know and take it from there. No point if you tell her then have to say "oops..made a mistake, sorry bout that love". if you are absolutely sure, then I think it would be wise to tell her immediately after an evening with her family is over. You didn't do anything wrong, it's just bloody unfortunate. Hope fully she can see that too.
A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (8 March 2016):
 I second the advice given: be honest up front. This will either be a deal-breaker for her or it won't, but better that decision point arrive BEFORE you're both any more deeply invested in a relationship.
For what it's worth, I'm friends with a married couple who got past something similar, if not worse. Not only did he sleep with her sister first, he slept with her sister many times. In fact he was in a full-blown RELATIONSHIP with her sister first - it's actually how they met. He ended up breaking things off with the sister to date my friend, but there was zero chance of her not knowing her new boyfriend and her sister had been a couple at one point. I've never dared ask either one of them how exactly they got past this (her sister/his ex was a bridesmaid at their wedding... how's that for awkward?) And I have no doubt that the situation caused some family drama, but clearly the spark they felt made it worthwhile to them to work through things.
So if it's meant to work out, she won't write you off over this. I was going to type "she'll forgive you" but there is honestly nothing to forgive - you haven't done anything wrong here. You were single when you hooked up with her sister, and you had no way of knowing you would meet your new girlfriend let alone want to start a relationship with her. Hopefully the both of you are able to put this behind you and enjoy what you have now. But it has to start with honesty.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 March 2016):
 Be honest with her, you did not do anything wrong. But if you hide this from her, well then you are being dishonest from the beginning and she will no doubt find out at some stage. Just be honest and say you hooked up with her sister a year and a half ago, you don't need to go in to details. But I think it is best you be honest.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (7 March 2016):
 Well Anon,
I'm a little tossed up about how to advise you.
1. Good luck, you'll need it.
2. Run Forest, Run!
3. What makes you think her sister hasn't told her?
This is an impossible situation. I really don't see a way for you to escape the clever trap you have built. Your hope that the sister won't remember you is certainly in vain. You will have less than 24 hours from the time she sees you. Call the sister and let her know what is going on, at least as a courtesy. if her feelings are similar to yours, she may be willing to help you out. It's your only hope.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (7 March 2016):
Ya gotta tell her, man. Wow what an unfortunate coincidence.
I'd preface by letting her know how much you like her. Stress how different she is. Let her know that you believe in honesty and never want to betray her trust. Then tell your story.
This may or may not be a deal breaker for her, but she's going to find out either way. Best she hears it from you first.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 March 2016):
 Yes, I'd tell her. Because it will be MUCH better coming from YOU than from the sister.
It wouldn't be too hard to break the subject, by telling her that you knew you had seen your sister before at a night club almost 2 years ago.
I would however, ask her first if she wants to hear about your past or not first. She might not care whom you have slept with before.
It's only been 3 week with you two, so it's not THAT serious yet. Another suggestion is that you wait to met her family a while and wait to tell her. Personally, I would get it over and done with. Either she can handle it or she can't.
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