A
female
age
30-35,
*bonyBlossom
writes:I'm really worried about my parents.My mum is 46 and my Dad is 63. The relationship between my parents has gone down the drain. They haven't slept in the same bed for about 12 years. I know for a fact my Mum doesn't love my Dad (even though she cares about him) and she has never tried to fool my dad into thinking she does. She just stopped caring about him in that way when I was a little girl. He never helped her with the housework, and created so much work for her. Six years ago, my cousin on my Mum's side of the family died aged 13, and we sorely miss her. My dad's son, my half brother, who is my other cousin's (brother to the one who died) God Father, did not go to the funeral, go to my aunty and uncle's house, send a card or call them. My Mum's family did a lot for him when he was a kid and he's never really repayed them. This caused a rift between my Mum's and Dad's side of the family, just making the situation worse.For about 12 years my Mum has been seeing another man, who is 56, and married with a daughter a year older than me who doesn't sound terribly bright. My Mum likes to have a social life so she goes to an Operatic Society and this is where they see each other. My mum is absolutely besotted with this man. However I'm scared he doesn't love her back, even though he seems nice. For years he has been promising to leave his wife (who sounds like a total witch from other people my mum knows who know this woman well.) But he keeps using his daughter (who is 19 may I add) as an excuse not to leave because he worries so much about how it will affect her.He has all the luxuries he likes given to him on a plate with his wife and I think that's the real reason he's scared to leave. But my mum just doesn't see it and I'm so worried about her getting hurt.At the same time, my dad doesn't have a lot of motivation at the moment. He never ever makes an effort to go out and see his friends, who don't often make contact with him either. He spends all his time with my brother (who is 30) but the day may come where my brother wants to get married and have kids and won't have as much time for my dad and I'm scared he'll become a lonely man if my Mum leaves.A divorce would be extremely difficult financially for my parents, and my mum left it too late to just ask for a divorce because she foolishly thought that the longer she left it the easier it would be to do. Dad wouldn't want one because he likes to be looked after.My dad doesn't know about the other guy... My mum has told me everything and dad is quite open with me but has never mentioned anything about my mum in that respect. In reality he knows the relationship is over.I'm worried my Mum will get her heart broken, and I'm worried my Dad will end up very lonely. What can I do to support them when everything goes wrong? I'm only 18 and I'm going to uni soon and I don't want to have to look after them both. I'm lucky I have a boyfriend who is supportive of me.
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male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (16 May 2010):
Hells Bells Ebony - you have enough problems and I am going to admonish you now. Some people here talk a load of clattrap!You are the important perosn here and you cannot do anything whatsoever to change what is happening to your parents. You must applaud them for staying together and forming an all round caring and kind girl leike you clearly are.Support them, try not ta take sides but most important get on with your life! They must sort theri lives out - not you!!!!!!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 May 2010):
I think your Dad already know where he stands. Men aren't stupid at all. I think your mum is actually being used by both men. Your father is still relying on her as much as he can, whether he knows or not (and chances are he does). Certainly this other man us using her. He won't ever leave and she will get hurt. But she had to make her own mistakes, because she won't listen or learn any other way. The important thing here is that you focus on yourself. It's not your job to support your parents. Your father will be fine. Men are far more resilient than they are given credit for. Your mother will have to make a mistake before she can do anything else. You need to focus on your own life.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (16 May 2010):
 You cannot change their destinies. Whatever will happen , will happen. They will go through life and they can take care of themselves. Worrying about yourself is more than enough and you should not worry about them. Don't let it rob your teenage happiness.
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A
female
reader, purple_butterfly  +, writes (16 May 2010):
I know this might not be what you want to hear. Things get rough in the family at times and the best thing to do is just leave it for now. You seem like a very mature and smart girl. Do not ruin your education because of all these problems. Go to college, do your studying. Your parents r old enough and they are not going to listen to you or they might but still are just going to do what they want to. Just see where it goes. Dont compromise your education because of them. I am sure youd b there for your mom if she gets heartbroken and for your dad if he gets lonely. You deserve to enjoy, live your teen years. Just go to college, study well, enjoy with your bf and be there for your parents when they need you to be. If you start working, that might help temporarily. But if you finish your college and work, you will earn a lot more and will have a degree too.I hope that helps.
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