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How do I handle my best friend who is convinced that I had sex with her husband when this is not true?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Friends, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 August 2014) 7 Answers - (Newest, 26 September 2014)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

My best friend of 35 yrs has accused me and her husband of having affair.

We never had a misunderstanding not once .her husband texted me about 3:45 am one morning asking me to listen to him.

He and my bestfriend had been arguing so he wanted me to talk to her.I told him your wife goes through your phone if she ask me I'm going to tell her yes you have been calling me

well she did but she thinks I had sex with him.I had to block her from calling me .

View related questions: affair, best friend, text

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A female reader, moon river  United Kingdom +, writes (26 September 2014):

moon river  agony auntTalk about getting dragged into someone else's mess. Its not cool for a friend to accuse you and her husband of that. I'd back off until she can sincerely say sorry and sadly it sounds like it would be hard to return to normal for you any time soon.

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A female reader, Brokenv Canada +, writes (1 September 2014):

My best friend of over 20 years is also a best friend of my husband. How could she not be. I'm glad they have a relationship. I wouldn't think that my husband and best friend where having an affair. That is crazy.

She is unstable and you need to stay away from both of them. Hopefully she will pull herself together and see she is wrong!

Sorry you are going through this.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (1 September 2014):

Honeypie agony auntWell hindsight is always 20/20, but talking about a guys marriage in the middle of the night when his WIFE is your best friend is NOt a good idea.

As for your friend? I'd cut the contact for now, I would NOT accept a friend calling me a liar like that. I would write her a letter/e-mail and letting her know how much it hurt for her to accuse you of this and that you are cutting the contact with the BOTH of them, because NEITHER are being good friends to you. YOU did nothing wrong. You talk to the husband( not the brightest idea, but in essence not an "offensive" thing to do).

My guess is HE did cheat, and he won't tell her WHO he cheated with but he could have hinted that he cheated with you to throw her off the trail. Or he said it was you to shut her up.

Either way, I'd cut my losses and leave them be.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2014):

She's upset she said it was 2000 text and calls made between the both of them .she jotted down times of the calls and text then went out asking people what was their opinion about it.of course they said it looks like a booty call and she took that advice and ran with it,after her husband and her best friend told her the reason that they were talking .but she has spreaded so many rumors til she has damaged her friendship and her marriage. How would you have handle this situation.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2014):

If y'all were friends for all those years and

Never had not one argument that there alone says something about your friendship.its not they were hiding behind texts he found a trust in her from within your friendship with her that he could confine in her.I understand they had a lot of texts and calls but did u at least take the time to find out what r why he was calling her .r did u just jump to conclusions and ask for other opinions.Bad choice that should have stayed with you your girlfriend and husband .now you stand to lose your best friend and husband behind speculations.

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A female reader, Abella United States +, writes (1 September 2014):

Abella agony auntCut all contact. Turn your phone off when you go to bed. If either try to contact you do the broken record technique, which means you give them the same short answer every time.

"(their name) I am unable to talk to you right now. Feel free to contact me once you have both sorted out these issues that concern you as a couple."

The need to sort out their issues themselves.

you may or may not lose a friend over this.

But do leave them to sort out their own issues.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2014):

Dont do anything. Just let them be. Stay away from them. Maybe shes got reasons not to trust her husband. Thats their problem. Dont worry about it. Maybe he did cheat with someone else and called you to confuse his wife. You never know. stay away. Have a great life. Take care.

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