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How do I break the news to my Very Conservative Indian parents that (a) I am pregnant and (b) he is determined to marry me because he loves me.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Family, Health, Pregnancy, Sex, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 November 2012) 4 Answers - (Newest, 24 November 2012)
A female India age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Dear Cupid,

I am kinda in a sticky situation. Took a home pregnancy test twice and both turned out positive. I am an Only child to my highly emotional, overprotective, highly opinionated Indian Parents from conservative background.

My boyfriend (an orphan) is ready to approach and talk to my parents about getting married to me. But the problem is my parents do not like him and always insults him in front of me to feel my pulse. I sometimes keep quiet. But I sometimes end up standing up for him. One day they told me that he is not the one for me (before pregnancy). I ignored it.

How am I to break the news to my parents that he is determined to marry me because he loves me and now at the earliest because of my pregnancy???

Some pointers, Both are same religion and beliefs. He is 38 yrs old never wanted to settle down and I am almost 24, perusing my career.

HELP!!!

View related questions: pregnancy test

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I pretty much know they are going to go beserk. I just know ultimately they would accept the kid. I love my parents but I have lots of issues with them. Starters they contradict each other and also fight with each other and look to me for solving their probs incl their personal marital issues.

My parents have been more of my kid than my parents... not to mention they are hypocritical.... my father constantly complains about losing out on the love of his life, who is not my mother. He curses his parents for having married to my mother (arranged). Etc...

The one support I had was my boyfriend of 3 yrs. I have not told him about my parents, I wud like to keep my parents probs a secret. He is the only adult person I look up to and also love. He happens to be an orphan. My parents think he is after my money, which is funny cause his parents left him all their before they died in an accident.

I did not expect to make a baby with him. Protection and all precautions were used but I ended up pregnant any way. Would like to mention tat I did see his negatives as well as positives.

I have many times pointed out to him and he has made attempts to change. He happens to be a friend to me more than my love. I'm treasured by him cause I will be his only family!!!

I'm not being naive... its just that my parents support love affairs of everyone they know n even few of my friends but is very judemental about my relationship!!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2012):

Agree with Cindy's take regarding parents' initial action,

no reason to expect anything other than outaged disappointment and disappointed outrage.

However, in the interests of covering all plausible possible alternative scenarios, I must raise the not idyllic possibility that they could freak out to the point of disowning you and cutting you out of their lives completely for the disgrace you've brought upon your family.

You know exactly who your parents are yet you consciously and willfully defied them, and in doing so you also acted irresponsibly while exercising judgment that is at best dubious, regardless of their religion or conservativism or opinions or class and caste considerations. In any culture or circumstance, not the ideal time in your life for your first pregnancy and not the ideal choice of baby daddy and fiance, especially in that order.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2012):

Did you ever find out why your parents are not receptive to this guy? My parents objected to my sister marry a guy and she still went ahead and married him, only to find out he was unfaithful and they divorced. Sometimes we choose to see all the good in a person that we brush over the negative because we are so in love. You are now pregnant, is that how he expresses his love by making a baby with you? I dont expect him to care the embarrasment this out of wedlock pregnancy will cause your parents but surely you care about your parents feelings and the embarrasment it will bring. What is your parents fault loving their ownly child, wanting the best education and probably a man that would treasure their only child. I dont think they are objecting to this guy out of spite. Like I said when we are in love everyone against the relationship is our enemy. You made your bed and you are now going to have to lie on it. Dont expect your parents to change their mind and be happy after all you did decieve them.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (23 November 2012):

CindyCares agony auntEh, I am afraid there's no denying it, your Indian conservative overprotective parents are going to have a fit. They'll go berserk, at first, at the surprise you spring on them.

But, that plays totally in your favour: they'll be so terrorized at the idea that you could even become a single parent ( which in your environment and culture is far from usual and acceptable ) that they won't rest easy until you are married to him. Reason for which they'll swallow their shock and objections, and they will lay down the red carpet for him, to make sure he won't change his mind.

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