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How can I deal with this? He's blocked me off all his social networking sites because apparently I "moan" too much

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Family, Health, Online dating, Teenage, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 November 2012) 5 Answers - (Newest, 23 November 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

I am 19 years old and have been in love with the same guy since I was 13.

I've never been with another man and we have never been friends always more but on/off as he often goes with other women.

I'm so close to him and his family and for a strange reason I love being with him and feel safe but in reality his not very nice to me.

I do everything for him and anything to make him happy - I'm helpless I can't stop loving him. He wants to be with me a lot but then on social networking sites I see him taking to other women and he tells everyone he's single..

Yet i'll be at his cleaning his house and making his dinner for him with his mum.. I just don't understand.

He never compliments me or makes me feel good about myself he's never affectionate.

We are so close but yet he's blocked me off all his social networking sites because apparently I "moan" too much. Everytime I try to walk away I feel so alone or be comes running back to me... Just don't get what this means? Or what I even am anymore

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2012):

I think the key is here that you have loved him since you were 13. A deep crush - but now you are 19 and you really must get on with your life. When someone cares for you, you know it. And he doesn't care for you - he is using you. And it probably suits him to have an adoring female in the background. Please, wake up and move on. Stop wasting your time and affections on someone who doesn't love you back. Start by seeing as little of him as possible. Don't go on Facebook. And get out and about where you can be busy with your social life and have as little time as possible to dwell on thoughts of him.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (23 November 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntYou aren’t close honey. You have an illusion going on. You think you are not worth proper treatment for some reason and are willing to accept his crumbs.

And he gives you crumbs for the following reasons: you clean his house, you cook his meals and I’m assuming you are servicing him sexually. WHAT are YOU getting from him?

He does not want to be with you. IF you stop calling him, if you stop cleaning and cooking for him and if you stop servicing him sexually, what happens? NOTHING… he does not call you or contact you unless he wants sex right?

HE IS SINGLE… he’s made It clear to you and yet you accept it from him.

YOU ARE NOT CLOSE except in your mind. I mean what single unattached guy turns down free sex and care? NONE that I know of.

WHAT is the WORST thing that will happen to you if you cease all contact with him (and yes his family too for a while)? You might be lonely but you have built your entire world around this guy… and you need more… where are your other friends? Spend lots of time with them… Open your heart, soul and mind to meeting new folks and do it… Soon his abuse (that you allow) will fade and you will in time realize how badly you are allowing yourself to be treated. BTDT… I get it… I understand why you do this…

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A female reader, sugarplum786 South Africa +, writes (23 November 2012):

sugarplum786 agony auntHoney, you need to change things and stop letting him treat you like a door mat. He is not going to marry you because him mum or familiy likes you or because you are the perfect housekeeper. You need to start from this very moument take charge of your life. Start living, having friends , get back out there, you need to enjoy life before you are left behind all alone.

You need to let go this obsession you have for him and yes you may even love him, but at this point in time he is not returning your feelings and treating you like his woman. Its going to hard but you need to just keep him as a friend, and eventually cease all contact with him and his family. You should look at studying and also getting a job, that will help you create a life outstide this guy that does not appreciate you.

YOu know the truth, its upto you what you do. I did not say it will be easy as it sounds that life starts and ends with him. YOu will suffer longer and hurt more when he does leave you. So its up to you to take the first step.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (23 November 2012):

Aunty BimBim agony auntNot being there and not knowing either of you in real life, so while my sympathies are with you all the way, I want to take an opposite view and be devil's advocate here: has he asked you to clean his house, does he ask you to be with his mum, preparing his dinner?

Is blocking you on all social networks the only way he is going to get some peace from you?

Try and step back from the situation for moment, look at your situation from an outsider's point of view, he doesn't treat you very well, he tells people he is single, he has blocked you on social networks, he doesn't compliment or thank you, babe, you have to acknowledge, he just isn't into you.

Ask yourself why you want to be close to his family, is there something lacking in yours that you need to get it elswhere. You are treating yourself very badly here, give yourself a big virtual shake, tell yourself you deserve better, distance yourself from his family, they are his, and not yours, build yourself a life that has no room for him in it!

You can do this, but you need to start NOW!

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A female reader, k_c100 United Kingdom +, writes (23 November 2012):

k_c100 agony auntHe is using you. Simple as that. He has made it very clear that he is 'single' and is with other women, but he knows that you are doormat that he can walk all over so while you continue to allow him to, he will keep on doing it.

You are doing his cleaning, cooking, providing love and affection whenever he is bored/hasnt got another woman to are the easy option for him. You are like a second mother to look after him and fuss him, he gets away with treating you like crap yet you keep coming back for more.

You have never been anything more than a second mother to him, he has never given you any love or affection, never asked you to be his girlfriend....he has continously dated other women since you knew him from the age of 13 onwards.

Why are you wasting your time with a man that doesnt want you? He wants other women, he has made this very clear - he is just using you until someone else comes along.

You need to find some self-respect and cut this user out of your life, and I mean you are going to have to get him out of your life completely and never speak to him again. You are obsessed with this guy, beyond all reason and if you even try to be 'friends' you will just allow your obsession to continue. He gives you absolutely NOTHING in this mess of a 'relationship', yet you come back for more. You are so addicted to him treating you like crap that you enjoy the misery he inflicts, you think he makes you feel safe but in reality he makes you miserable but you enjoy the drama and the pain.

Delete his phone number, email address, tell his parents you are sorry but you cant see them or their son anymore, block his phone number from calling you (ring up your mobile phone provider and give them his number so they can block it)....cut out any possible chance of ever seeing him or hearing from him again.

You cant have this guy in your life, you are not capable of being logical or rational when he is involved. He needs to be 100% out of your life before you can ever move on and be happy.

Dont be a doormat for the rest of your life, find some strength and some self-respect and walk away, you deserve a lot more than this.

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