A
female
age
41-50,
*nntoinette76
writes:My recent ex bf is 49 and I am 39..we have been together a total of 4 1/2 years with a 1 yr break in between because he thought the grass was greener.. After making him wait I took him back and we dated another 2 1/2 yrs. we broke up almost 3 weeks ago. In December we had some arguments over where the relationship was going because he didn't take me to a family Christmas dinner even though I was invited. This hurt my feelings and I started to question if our relationship would make any progress in terms of living together. We began to argue because he wanted to remain living separately for the next 3-5 years. I have full custody of my 9 yo and he has two kids he sees every two weeks for the weekend they are 11 and 15. He then told me he didn't want to have a small child living with him if he didn't have his full time but as the kids were older around 12 he would be ok with it. This hurt and we began to argue because this brought upon doubts on my end. He was a bit insensitive and would start telling me he plans on renting out his in law apt to a stranger when here I was the woman he was in love with but didn't want to live with me yet.. We planned on moving to North Carolina in 5 years.. The anger in my own life and stress of our relationship I said a couple things literally 2 insults in all our time together.. He decided since I wouldn't give him a break for two weeks that he broke up with me and after that he blocked me and won't budge n change his mind.. We did everything together out of choice and spoke many times a day and texted and except for last few months NEVER argued.. How could he throw in the towel and walk away?
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (24 June 2015):
I don't know his side of the story so it is hard to say why he would give up.
What I do know is that you both had completely different goals for the future and it was not being resolved. He wanted things his way and you wanted things your way. Arguing seems like a last resort on your part to get him to come around but as you can tell it hasn't happened. While you can blame yourself, and you can point out things he said in the past, it does not cover the painful truth that you both wanted different things.
Good luck, I think it would be best to find a partner with the same goals for life as you.
A
female
reader, Anntoinette76 +, writes (24 June 2015):
Anntoinette76 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSome additional details we spent every weekend he had his kids doing trips and sleep overs with our kids.. I'm a single mom yes but have a career.. We spent everyday together my push was why not be more official.. Because I kept pushing the issue n starting fights he said my mouth was too much because he had given all he could give at this time ..
I thank you guys for your insight a different perspective helps to heal.. We talked marriage in the future as well .. Blending family's was not easy since both his kids had a mother who raised them to not respect their father or have manners in general so it became a battle with the kids .. We were best friends n spoke constantly we only fought about when our relationship would progress since we did it all together anyway.. Maybe I pushed but when we finally settled our disagreements we had a stupid fight I called him a name and he called it quits since I wouldn't take a break .. Now he won't talk to me either and says move on., I have been trying just losing your partner n best friend is difficult he says he loves me but couldn't do the arguing I'm hoping in time he will change his mind it I'm also not sitting around waiting
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2015): He's not interested in marriage or raising kids. You're looking for a husband, and that's not in his plans. He didn't mind having a long-term girlfriend (with sex on-
demand); including benefits, like long vacation-breaks between fights. You were pushing yourself on him. You didn't see all the warning-signs.
He isn't going to deal with marriage again. Not in the near future. If he does, it will be a single-woman, with no kids, and in her mid to late twenties. Yes, he can throw in the towel like that. He did you a big fat favor by doing so.
Now you can go find what you deserve; and work on yourself to make sure you're ready when you find it. Take time-off from having relationships and rediscover yourself. Appreciate independence and stop looking for someone to take care of you and your kids.
It's hard being a single-mom, I'm sure; but you and the kids are better-off without the stress and drama. Focus on the children and yourself for awhile. You can't force him to be what he's not. That's why you keep breaking-up. He's the wrong guy for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2015): Hit the road, Jack,
and don't you come back,
no more, no more, no more!
He didn't have the BALLS to break up with you (Re:Xmas time) and was hoping that by being horrible to you, you'd do it instead. In HIS head this was over WAYYYYY before he actually broke up with you.
If I were you, I'd count my lucky stars though! Follow your path in life and let him follow his. BUT plz,plz, pz IF he comes back begging for you, do me a favour and slam the door in his face,ok? Because a man of such double-standards ain't a prize worth having...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 June 2015):
 You point out QUITE a few thing about him that makes him kind of unappealing. Like not wanting your 9 y/o live with you both, but if the kid was around 12 it would be OK - I call BS on that... HE knows you can't CHANGE the child's age - so what he was saying was HE bought himself another 3 years without having to live with you.
You two were not all that compatible. He wanted ANOTHER break (so what he saw some greener grass elsewhere he wanted to try out for a few weeks?)
How could he throw in the towel? Because you WANTED some kind of commitment, you wanted to be his PARTNER not just the woman on the side (when I say on the side I mean APART from him in many ways). It was HIS way or the high way.
TAKE the highway, honey. You two tried to make it go but it WAS NOT working all that well. You want more, he wants less when it comes to a relationship.
Why settle for less?
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