A
male
age
30-35,
*eniusmercy
writes:Hello ,Please read my whole story and then tell what to do? May it is annoying, but it will tell you whole about me? I got your email and it was really nice that your advice was able to help many people. I am little disturbed soul that’s why I am referring to you my whole life in few paragraph and my problems: I am 18, born in Karachi, Pakistan to an uneducated father and educated doctor. I used to be very good in studies from the beginning, but I have lacked one thing that is confidence in myself. I received my primary education from a small school and then move on to big school on my mother’s wish to get some good education. At school I was not good at studies but was not the super hero among my peers because might I did not have much money or confidence. Finally I the poor souls who is always afraid of talking to girls finally fall first time in love with most popular girl of school, when I was only in 7th Grade. I just used to stare at her in break and class. She was very bold. Somehow, she came to know that I love her, many times she approached me and tried to befriend with me. But I always hesitated. On valentines I gathered up courage and give her card and she called me through her friend to talk to me. But instead of going I said sorry to her friend and told her tell her never to talk to me again, here my story come to end forever. I didn’t approach her because according me I am not very smart, I don’t have looks or my house is not very good like other my friends or I don’t have car or money. I dreamed if she had accepted me others will make fun of her and me that what that beauty queen find in me? I am afraid of other people opinions about me and her as a couple. Then life goes as it was going, I tried a lot to increase my confidence , I joined the company of so called bad boys and then became their friend and start some foolish thing like abusing and teasing others, I don’t know why but I was changing my circumstances forced me to do so. I even started to speak in class discussions though I found it the hardest part of my life when I have to speak in front of everyone especially girls. My heart was pounding, but I always forced my self to speak, I am happy I start speaking but not very greatly, my heart still possess. In studies I am always first in my class, but when it comes to speaking many people beat me. I was sad, why? Then I moved onto high school. There I met many rich students with great looks and great cars and found that they have many girl friends and friends. And then I started reading about great personalities who rose from poor backgrounds like Abraham Lincoln. He became my favorite personality and I make up a vision to emulate him. I thought I was ready to fight; I tried a lot to make good impression by speaking in a great manner in from of people, in my first year t high school I even first time participated first time in debates competition, but I lost. I don’t know but when ever I look people in their eyes especially in girl’s eyes i thought they are making fun of me. I even talked to my mother and she told me that I am fool and should concentrate more on my studies. I don’t know why I am afraid of people. The in my second year at high school a new girl come to our school, she is the most beautiful according to all but I never noticed her in that way. I was really shocked that when on first day she herself approached me and talked to me. I found her nice. We have same grades, but I found her bold. Then she starts calling me and start doing sms. I too become her good friend. I always felt in her presence very disturbed with mouth dry, words jumbling and eyes moving here and there in confusion. We become good friends, and then I fall in love with her. Through sms I told her that I am in love with girl and when she inquired who that girl is. I told her that I will tell her that when right time will come I will tell her name. I used to be a hero on sms, but in front of her a shy trying to impress her. And finally one day while we were talking on sms I told her I love her; she laughed at first and then said: be serious, but then I asked her what type of boy she wants? She told me that at this age we all are too young to fall in such affairs like love? And then gossip end? And then in the night I was afraid that I might even lost her as friend, so I told her I was joking. But then after few days. It was vacation during these days and then few days after she sms me and tell me that she wanted to talk to me in school, when I told hr to tell now she said that something is private and then her friend even sms me that she also want to talk to me, But I don’t know this time I was not afraid? I agreed and when in school I asked her she said nothing. And then in night I sms her again that I was joking ,but se replied that all boys do these things after saying that they love a girl, Her these words made me happy that she might also love me. But then I again thought that what others will say that why that girl like me? I have nothing mo looks. I am a nerd? Then few days I avoided her on one of my friend’s advice to show some attitude. And then one day in school part I asked her If she is angry , she said not at all but she told me that she thought I am nerdish type, but she is happy to know that I am not so? And then I again some how dare to tell her that she is looking good. I don’t know hoe this energy to speak in front of a girl who is the most demanded girl, when every one else in school was afraid to speak to her. But I had always felt confused in front of her. Then I become obsessed and start doing her sms everyday, I start missing classes, first time fail in my tests. And then a new boy comes on her life. That boy was long, smart, and has a nice car and good looks. He started talking to her {Hira, her name} and then for few days they both were sitting together. And I was a totally broke and cried in noght that why I don’t have confidence and looks and money to impress her. She still talks to me. I planned and told her through another friend that that boy has bet with other guys to make her girl friend. Hira, called me to take my advice and I also told her that some well wisher is trying to save her from that boy. On that day, concert was going in school and just we too were in class talking about this matter and then she talked about various matter and I was amazed to listen fro her that she is not in love with that boy, I was relieved . and then she told me she has once loved her relative who was four year older than her and was worst in looks , and when I asked more about her name she avoided and told me she even don’t know why she was in love with that boy? On that day we talked for four hours and when concert was going to end we both make our way to hall and next day every one was telling me and congratulating me that I was dating with that beauty. At one place I was happy about this misconception and on other side at her words: she had told me further that she like guys who are educated, have money and some looks and longer that her. I don’t possess any of this features? But after that day I become famous in school for dating a beauty queen. And then she told me about this news too, I told her not to worry? And then one day I saw her again with that boy, they both were talking. I was again not happy and bunked class and failed in test? How was not this type student? And then one day talking generally to her face to face I told her that love her most and when she inquires why? I said I never goes about her looks, I liker gossips? And she laughed as she always does? Then few days after a doctor diagnosed me as schizophrenic because for last few moths I was encountering some unusual faces and voices, the faces are my friends they give me courage to talk to her. I can still see two old men they are my friend. My parents and doctor only knows about this thing? Not even my siblings? According to my friends she doesn’t love me but she is just making me crazy by always pinching me. Then why she spends most of her time with only me in school? I really love her, but then according to some of my other friends she has high wishes , she want a rich boy not me? But I have a dream to make her mine, but then I again thought people will laugh on me and her that what she finds in me? Thus my friends want me to concentrate more on studies , but nowadays I am bunking classes to impress her and then another part of mind tell me that I have to study and become something great like Abraham Lincoln. I am confused, I had headaches when I woke up in the morning and my heart is pounding. I am afraid that if I was not able to do something great in life she and that boy will make fun of me and every one and Hira will also praise someone else.So tell ma’am what should I do to become happy? Increase confidence. it may be shocking to hear but I can see Abraham Lincoln, though I know that it is only due to a problem in my mind but he provides me energy to speak in class and in front of her. I thought about two people every day, Lincoln and Hira. My parents are even worried about me. Please tell how I can become a great man and can tell world that I even have great potentials, I am just afraid to speak in front of people especially in front of girls. I had been the national level mathematics champion and wish to become a scientist. But my wish to become a scientist will not provide me with much money and looks so that I can make Hira mine. According to some of friends she is making me crazy behind her when ever she called me in alone to sit and listen to her for hours? Is it is right then why? And what should I do? She even once told me that she likes flirting .I cannot put her away from my mind and that’s why I had turned so bad in studies? Nowadays I am keeping myself away from her and she is involved in another boy, I am sad I love her lot and I think I love her most in this world, I swear. Tell how to take my life ?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): I had tears in my eyes when I read the part where you explained you being schizophrenic, has your doctor put you on meds to quite these voices down? Sweetheart, even though you might think its Mr Lincoln helping you to talk in front of girls, but its not, that’s you all you, you have to ability to be brave and confident all on your own you just don’t know that yet, but I can guarantee you that you are the one attracting that girl and being able to speak in class, I don’t have any experience with what you are dealing with (being schizophrenic at all) but one thing that I do believe is that money cars status and looks wont make you a good man, I promise. My story is that I lost my parents at the age of 11 in a car accident, after that I stayed in a home as family wasn’t willing to look after my 2 brothers and I, I was 11 years old left with no parents no family (except my brothers) and no money at all, I spend my teenage years wearing 3rd hand clothes, and being teased by the richer kids in school for always looking as if I got my clothes from the salvation army, it hurt me, I cried so much and I didn’t really have a boyfriend, yea I also looked at the hottest guy in school and told myself that I am not worthy, during break time I ate my lunch in a corner all by myself or sat in the toilets so no one could see I didn’t have any friends, in my senior year (11th grade) I realized that if I could dress like the most popular girl in school or be with the hottest guy that It wont change the way I feel about ME it wont make me see myself any better than before, I then realized that I am unique, I realized that these people that I so badly wanted to be like were unhappy people and that’s why they needed to make me unhappy, to make themselves look and feel better, I knew that I could be anything I wanted to be I decided that even though I am walking around in rags, I can still be happy with me, and that’s what helped me, after school I met the most wonderful man yea he wasn’t drop dead gorgeous but he loved me with all my “short comings” he accepted me.Basically what I want to tell you is that life is a bitch sometimes more harsh on some than others but you yourself need to figure out how you gona beat that bitch, you are the only person who can help yourself, you need to understand that it does not matter how well you present yourself underneath your fancy clothes and fast car, you will still be you, do not allow other peoples impressions control your life, that girl spoke to you coz she sow something in this Nerdy boy who does so well in his studies, maybe she didn’t fall in love with you but something about you definitely got her attention, see you were yourself and you didn’t expect her to come your way but she did, which means you are doing something right and the person who falls inlove with you, will love you for who you are inside, for the beauty flowing from you from being a good person with a great heart, you will be a great man just keep working in that direction, and you will make it. good luck
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