A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is into every other female but me, or so it seems. He lost a good summer job, teaching science to high school students, at a local university because he was giving high school students rides in his van without permission and someone told on him. He leers at teenagers at parties. When we are out he practically breaks his neck looking at other woman. His outside activities are all co-ed and he complains when the girls don't seem interested in him. He is in his 50sHe claims all men are like this. But I think his behavior is out of control and borderline sex addiction. We have a good sex life though I am not desiring sex with him lately. It is like he is sabotaging every impulse I have. The scary thing is he is a high school teacher. I know he has bever touched anyone at school, though I do think he stares at girls inappropriately, He went on a field trip with students once and when he walked to our car the girls did not say goodbye to him, but just glared at him. I mean I saw what looked like hatred in some girls eyes.I am planning to leave but have no money and only a part time job. His wife left him because of similar issues I believe. He says it is my problem. I am disgusted. Do I walk away without telling anyone what a sleaze he is or do I walk away and let him be?
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 October 2012):
 It will not get better.
His ex-wife left for the same reason, I'm guessing he tried to convince her too that it was HER problem and she didn't try and "justify it" like you are.
Time to find a way to take care of yourself WITHOUT this man's help.
I remember having one of those teachers in college - gross nasty sleazy SOB and he was a sucky teacher too. He always volunteered to chaperon parties just so he could leer at the girls. We all practically cheered when he heard his wife had left him. *shudder*
If you want to tell him you are leaving because he is a nasty ass sleaze, then do so, but be advice he will not "believe" you. He properly thinks he is "charming" the young ladies. But if it will make YOU feel better, in this case, I'd say tell him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2012): Not all guys are like that, I do check out girls but don't break my neck. I'm sneaky about it and actually try not to do it when i'm in a relationship, unless i'm "being cool" with my friends and there like check out the blonde nine o clock. I'm different, I actually get offended when a girl I'm with says something like "well he is a guy" cause I don't like being apart of that stereotype, cause it's not me typically, and I want a woman to expect better than me than that average "guy".
In general it is natural to peek at other's a little but this definitely is a problem. If a friend of mine was like this I'd think he is being a dick. Your husband is being very disrespectful to you and you should tell him how this makes you feel. If he brushes it off and tries to say it's normal or says it shouldn't be a problem rather than listening and trying to fix his problem, then you probably should think of leaving. He is 50 years old, if he is like this will he ever change, maybe, possibly?
Probably be best if you started planning your route out, and it's a problem in your relationship between you and him.
Don't go around saying how much of a sleaze he is, it didn't work out so just carry on respectfully.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (15 October 2012):
 Here in England there is currently a story in the press about a high profile celebrity (who is now deceased). This man always put himself in a position where he had access to young girls and although there were rumours and accusations that he abused young girls and women, it was all hushed up and covered up because he was a big powerful celebrity and the girls were not believed!!
Now he is dead and those girls have finally found their voice and come foward again. Some of them are in their mid fourties now but they have found the courage to speak again about the abuse they suffered at this mans hands...and there are apparently over 50 of them with more coming foward as each day passes.
This man, when alive was questioned about his behaviour but denied it, he was arrogant and implied that another celebrity who was into child porn was 'Not doing anything wrong' but now this other celebrity has been convicted of sex acts on children.
My whole point is that men who prey on young women and girls, will always put themselves in a position to have access to these girls. They will make broad statements about how 'all men are this way' and that 'it's just a bit of fun'...
but the reality is that these men are a danger to women and girls because they have no control over their sexual urges and fantasies and live to 'act out' those fantasies.You can see by how those college students reacted to him that he obviously tried something...thankfully women are more aware of the signs these days.
You may not have any concrete evidence but I do believe you should make a statement about your concerns to the police. Say in a few months or years time, he rapes one of those girls and she goes to the police, your statement could make the difference of him getting caught or not.
This dead celebrity we have here used his power to conceal his true actions, nobody dared speak against him and it is that very weapon that sex pests, paedophiles and rapists use to protect themselves and why our streets, neighbourhoods and communities are plagued by them.
It doesn't matter how many doubts you have about reporting him, it doesn't matter what happens to him if you do...what matters is all the future girls and women that he will pester and go further and further with in the future until he DOES rape one of them.
I am so glad you are getting away from him but you need to do somethig to warn other women that he is a danger.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2012): i don't think this will get any better... you already talked to him about it and he clearly is trying to make you think you are the one with the problem (because he doesn't want to change) ... do you see yourself deal with these same issues in the next 5, 10, 20 years ? i think that in the long run it's just going to hurt your self-esteem thinking you're not good enough for him when he is the one that's not good enough for you. no matter how much counseling he ever goes to, it wouldn't help as he thinks he doesn't have a problem and he has here an attraction to teens that can't be changed on a snap of the fingers.
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