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His profile picture on his second account is a sex scene and he’s interacting with other women! I feel sick!

Tagged as: Cheating, Health, Pornography, Social Media, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 February 2018) 5 Answers - (Newest, 13 February 2018)
A female United States age 18-21, *asandrandros writes:

I've been dating this guy for 2 months. We always talk about our past. He doesn't have a father, he lives a very hard and tough life, his childhood was a total disaster But i was kind of shocked when he told me that he has a fake Facebook account and he use it to look at other girl's photos and kinda just entertain himself. He told me that he doesn't use it anymore. About a week ago, he told me that he is back on that account, and he said that it's hard getting off that account since he has been using it for years, but he is *trying* to stop thinking about these stuff because he had a very hard past, and he doesn't have a father, so he was doing these stuff in order to feel good and forget about his problems. He admits that he is wrong, he admits that this behaviour is disgusting. Yesterday, when we were out together, he told me that he will go to the bank for a few minutes, his phone was in the car, and i couldn't handle myself but to open his phone and know what his fake account's name. And i did, and i instantly wrote the name on the phone but the shock was that his profile photo was a sex scene. I instantly put the phone away, and through the whole date i was in another world, upset, disappointed and he noticed that i wasn't okay, i told him that i should go back to my home because i was feeling sick and have a severe headache. He believed that i guess, and he drop me to my house. I search the account's name and i find it. And i check his friend's list and it was full of girls showing off their bodies and taking inappropriate photos. I instantly cried from disappointment, because we both love each other, we have a crazy connection, he tells me his flows and his stupid mistakes, but still, i just lost a bit of the trust. I don't know what to do. And i cant reply normally to him since yesterday, i told him that I've been feeling so sick lately, he knows that something is up, i don't know what to do.i don't know if i should continue talking with him and drift away slowly. But i love him like crazy.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (13 February 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntSweetheart, please listen to someone who is a lot older than you and has "been there, done that". You are on a hiding to nothing. He is not going to change. He will blame his father, his past, anything that springs to mind for what he CHOOSES to do. He will not change because he CHOOSES not to. He ENJOYS what he is doing and will not give it up. He is already pushing your boundaries to see how much you will put up with.

I am not surprised you are feeling sick. Well, imagine feeling like that months and even years down the line (because that feeling of disgust is unlikely to change either). Do you not think you deserve better?

Love is not like this. If he truly loved you, he would not be messing with other women. He would be concentrating all his attention on you and doing all he could to ensure you loved him back.

You sound quite vulnerable and he sounds like he knows exactly how to "play" women/young girls. If one of your friends was dating him and came to you for advice, I bet you would tell her to get the hell out of this relationship as quickly as possible. Well, I am going to give you the same advice. Get away from him and stay away from him. When you find someone who treats you properly and really loves you, you will see this predator for what he is.

Please stay safe.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2018):

Sounds like he's a toss away, unless you're into guys that are into everyone but you. 2 months sounds like the perfect amount of time to be with him. It's time to let go and move onto the next possible Mr. Right. Go out, have some fun.. who knows what Valentines has in store waiting for you.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (12 February 2018):

I note your age above the post, and I understand why you would think you have strong feelings.

You're basically infatuated with the "idea" of this guy. The "bad-boy" image is quite compelling and attractive to young women in your age-group. The misunderstood rebel, the troubled-guy, he has no father, he's all alone in this world, and all he has is you. He touched your heart and you feel your affection for him has some sort of special healing properties, and makes him want to be a better man.

You will not and cannot make him change; and what he already IS poses an imminent threat to your safety and well-being.

I suspect this guy is years older than you. He has a fake account; because he is an online-predator searching for young vulnerable and naive females like you. He tells you his sad story and makes you feel you're the only one in the world who cares about him. Next thing you know, you're sending him pictures of you undressed. He has been at this for years; and you are lucky to have discovered what this guy is really all about. You were alone in a car with this guy!

If you were my daughter I'd be furious!!! Not at you, at him! For being so cunning he was able to lure you in!!!

You must immediately disassociate with this guy. Block him from your feed on FB, and you really should report him to FB to protect other girls. You are unlikely to do that, but I hope you heed my advice, and read all the responses sent to you from the concerned aunts and uncles.

This post and your experience is the stuff that creates the nightmares that parents have for their sons and daughters.

It is so frustrating when young girls and women use love as an excuse of not giving-up guys who could prove a threat to their health, mental-health, or their very life.

You've known that guy two months!!! Nobody falls that deeply in-love in that span of time. He's nothing but a sob-story, and that's all you know about him.

His correct title is "online sexual-predator!"

You do not love him, you're infatuated with the story and intrigued by his "bad-boy" persona; which seems to be a magnet to teenage-girls and lonely young women in their early 20's.

Failure to take our advice could have very serious and dire consequences, sweetheart. It could only be divine intervention that you found those visual-images of him and those girls in his phone.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (12 February 2018):

N91 agony auntYou don't love this guy, it is impossible to love someone after 2 months of dating, you barely know the guy.

It sounds like this guy needs professional help to stop what he's doing. He's tried in the past and gone back to it so I highly doubt he will stop it on his own. It's not your job to be a councilor or fix him so don't try to think that it is.

You either encourage him to get the help he needs for his underlying issues or you walk and find someone else that doesn't have coping methods that you don't approve of.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (12 February 2018):

Honeypie agony auntNo, no no, OP you do NOT love this guy.

OK?

You need to realize this guy has ISSUES (and I'm not talking about growing up without a dad, MANY people grow up without a dad) but he is ADDICTED to what he is doing. He told you about it, to make YOU feel sorry for him and JUST in case you found out later on.

He IS NOT going to stop this behavior. For now he is getting WAY too much out of it.

THIS is why we date people, OP

So we can figure out if their personality, the chemistry, the values, morals, goals, hopes and dreams are a GOOD match for us.

CLEARLY this guy is NOT a good match for you.

Using all his tiny violins to get your sympathy while explaining his "addiction" is him HOPING that you won't drop him over this. He admits his behavior is disgusting, but he isn't seeking help for it. He was hoping you would tell him that AWWW POOOR GUY CAN'T HELP himself........

But no, it's ONLY been 2 months in. So END it before you REALLY get in too deep with this one.

Also, OP

This is only the tip of the iceberg, I bet. I wouldn't be surprised if he HAS met up with some of these women or plan to. Which means YOUR health can be put at risk. I'm talking STD's - of course.

Don't use "LOVE" as an excuse to stay.

If you want to BE with a guy who does this, then do so. If you don't... END it now then BLOCK, delete and move on.

There are PLENTY of other guys out there with less issues, baggage, shifty behavior and lame excuses.

You CAN find someone who is a much much better fit for you.

And lastly, OP?

YOU CAN NOT "fix" or "change" this guy by loving him or staying with him.

Replace this addiction of his to get attention and images from other women with a crack addiction.... would you still date him?

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