A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have had a horrible evening, my partner is trying to stop drinking, for the sake of ou relationship, its been happening for 3 years, he has stolen from me and others to get drink. i have ended this relationship time after time. because of gambelling and his drinking and stealing.Just recently he has pulled himself together got his driving licence back and looking for work and not been drinking much at all, has got help too. today he found £2 and went to bookies and walked away with £400. he picked me up from work and said he was taking me for a treat, dinner and a afternoon and early evening out, which i neverdo, as money is tight, and im always working to keep all the family. he also gave me £260 to keep for shopping etc. i was worried about going out as did not want him drinking as it always ends in trouble and us falling out about him drinking and overdoses.we had been out hour or so and he went back to bookies and blew £100 and won £200, then 5 mins later sneaked back and lost it all.i was so upset as i knew he had no intention of treating me to dinner, and it would be me that had to keep him with fags food and whatever all the time. i felt it was all nonsense just to get out and gambel and drink, I came home, 10 mins later he is back and asking me for money as wanted to go out again.we argued and he went to pack his case, I refused to give him my share and he smashed my warbrobe and broke it with his temper and said he would hit me if i annoyed him any more. My daughterheard all this and she called police he was removed from our home.i wanted him gone at the time, as i hate the drinking esp round my kids, and he showed signs of abuse. have i treated him too hard, he knows he was silly wasting all that money, but this is same old story, can anyone give me advice, i am trying to toughen up but it always ends in tears thanksx
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2011): you need to end the relationship, end your associations with him and not be part of his messed up life.
If he wants to drink himself into a stupor that's his own business. But he has no right to impact YOU with his drinking.
you need to distance yourself from him. Tell him that you're ending this relationship until he has changed for good, and after the change has been lasting with zero relapses for a long time.
trust me you will be so relieved and so much happier when you make the decision to end this relationship. Just not having all that drama in your life anymore, and all the torment and rage, will improve your health. Surround yourself with positive people, not with negative people who drain your energy.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (13 November 2011):
 He clearly cannot drink any more; he is an alcoholic and needs to get help. I would say that you should keep him away from your family and your home until he's been through rehab and has some months of sobriety logged. And 'rehab' doesn't mean he tries to quit on his own, this means professional counselors who have experience and training to deal with alcoholism.
Have you ever been to an Al-Anon meeting?
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (13 November 2011):
 Treated him hard? You're kidding, right? On the contrary you have been too soft.My advice to anyone going through this sort of thing is to end the relationship and only consider taking the offending party back AFTER they have changed (not while they are changing) and only after enough time has passed that you feel confident the change is permanent. He has made his priorities clear and it isn't you. His mistress is drink and my advice on that is never compete with another for a man's attention. Start rebuilding your life and don't make room for him if he comes round again. Either he fits into your life or he doesn't. You shouldn't have to make big sacrifices for him.
...............................
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (13 November 2011):
 This man is out of control, and he's going to bring you and your family down with him if you let him. I know that it's difficult being a single parent but you see how it is affecting her, that she knows this man is threatening to hit you and is already exhibiting violent signs is necessarily going to induce trauma in a child. Don't give in to this man. Be strong for your daughter. You deserve better.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (13 November 2011):
 Where is your partner now? The worst that would happen to him is that he goes to jail. In order to protect yourself and your child he would indeed go to jail one day. In jail they offer free counselling and therapy. It is more than nonsense to go out to drink and gamble. It is an addiction and an escape from pain. My advice is to put priority on you and your child's safety. He can't change unless he learns how to handle his difficult issues. Crying does not mean weakness. It can be empowering. It makes you realize how bad your life has been and inspires you to make necessary changes. Having no father/partner is better than having one who threatens your sense of well being.
...............................
|
