A
female
age
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*olly
writes:Hi I remarried in May this year, we both have grown up kids,I have 4 he has 2, He owns our house,and is buying another house to rent out, we have no life insurance, and Im worried that if he dies before me, I will have nothing,he always said his kids would have the house after we both died. As I am now his wife, I assumed that everything would be shared , but recently I asked him to make a will,and he doesnt think it fair,that I would want everthing shared between all our kids when we both die, Or I even suggestaed that My children have a third and his 2 have a third each, but he isnt happy with this,He is such a kind person I never imagined he would react like this??? Any impartial comments would be appreciated,x we are both in our 50s Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 October 2012):
 Perhaps, beyond any moral or emotional stance, i.e. what "feels " like the right thing.... the most practical thing to do would be to check accurately the Administration of Estates Act 1925 .
In UK there are very detailed laws regarding inheritances, and what is the legal share that must be reserved to the deceased's offspring , both if he/she has left a valid will, or not.
That's a good point to start, because it's not as your husband is totally free whatever he wants with his estate regardles of existing laws.
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female
reader, folly +, writes (19 October 2012):
folly is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answers and comments, I have taken a bit of advice from most of your comments and thought hard about it,we have had a long talk, yes i may have come across as a ' gold digger' but there is a lot more involved than i actually wrote. I have tried to reverse the situation and think how I would feel if i was him, we love each other very much and I want that to continue and grow, It wont while this is unsolved, but things are looking brighter, we are both seeing this through different eyes, thanks to your help,x
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2012): I don't think that is fair to you. I dated a man who told me we could live together but if he should die first, I had to get out because his adult children get it all. He said that was only fair. I'm no longer seeing him.
I think you provide for your surviving spouse, the kids are adult. When both partners die, then you split the estate with the kids.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2012): No,no, your children have nothing to do with your husbands money. You, yes, he is absolutely must provide for you after his death, and you are entitled to property equally, even if you didnt put any money in it.With that said, if you only talking about money from proceeds from the house, and as you said you contributed to it financily and it also has more equity now since you got married, then its a totally different story. You are now an owner of the house. You know can make a desision to whom to leave your part of equity. It would be unfair to your children if you spent your own money on a house, and then you have no right to leave it for your kids.It lays on a surface, i dont know how your husband doesnt see it. As much as he wants to provide for his kids, you want to provide for yours. You are not after his whole finances but after the house that you paid for. He owns house on a paper, but youbeing married to him are an equal owner and a desision maker.I think you really need totalk to a lawyer. As soon as possible, i dont think it should be a discussion between you and your husband anymore about this, get a professional to do it for you, and make sure all is written down. Good luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2012): Since your update indicate that you spent money on the house, I recommend that you look to save your money as he is not going to provide for you in the will. However I would draw his attention that the least you expect is to be compensated for your contribution as you need to look after yourself in the future. And no its not his responsibility to provide for your kids.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2012): Your grown kids are not entitled to your husband's assets because (a) they are grown up already so they are not his dependents and never were (b) they naturally don't have as deep a relationship with him as his own children so why should they be entitled to an equal share?how do you think it would make his own kids and their families feel, if he left equal amount of assets to your kids who only recently entered his life? His own kids have a 20- , 30- or more year history with him. Your kids have only a few years history with him , if even that. I think if you see it from that perspective, what he's doing will look more fair to you.As for leaving assets to you, his wife. That's different. I would expect him to want to leave something to you since you are his new life partner, which is a closer relationship than children since it's an intimate relationship. But your kids - no.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (16 October 2012):
 Go "up" in the list of submittals (by 11 submittals).... and commisserate with that girl, who has the opposite problem......
Good luck....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012): I think you have taken the term "feathering your own nest" very literally.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (16 October 2012):
 Oh dear, if he hasn't made a will then the whole lot will go to probabte and the government can take a cut and you are gonna have to join the queue (and your kids won't be on the list)
I agree that as his now wife you should be entitled to your roof, but he isn't responsible for your kids...the blokes worked his balls off to leave an inheritance for his kids and rightly so!
You are still quite young and you have more than enough time to make provision for your own kids.
You don't wanna be branded a money grabbing gold digger do you????
Seems a bit selfish to be married only a couple of months and be thinking like this already...I am a little gob smacked!!!!
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female
reader, folly +, writes (16 October 2012):
folly is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsorry i forgot to add,that I have put money into the hous ein the last 3.5 yrs we have renovated the house from top to bottom,( it was run down and in a really bad state)I work and contribute to the house, and made it a home, The house has increased considerably in price since i moved in, thats why I didnt agree with his decision, x
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female
reader, folly +, writes (16 October 2012):
folly is verified as being by the original poster of the questionomg thank you so much for all your responses. My husband died (my kids dad), my step children have their own houses and professional careers. We are still discussing the matter and yes I agree, on reflection I am being selfish, but as my step children have inherited 2 other houses from within the family, and my kids have nothing, I am thinking of taking out life insurance for them (I also have a pension and some savings, which I assumed would either go to my husband or the kids). I guess we should visit a solicitor and draw up a will. Thank you all again. Need to sort my head out x
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 October 2012):
 Okay. I actually looked up UK law regarding inheritance and succession laws when it comes to surviving spouses and wills specifically applying to real estate as well as other things.
First of all, your grown children have no rights to his estate if he were to die. Your new husband has no obligation, legal, moral, or otherwise to provide an inheritance for them. I think you knew this, or you wouldn't have been pushing him to make a will specifically including them. This is wrong on your part. Like the other aunts said, YOUR kids have you, and they have their own biological father. Not only that, but they are grown now. They are no longer dependents. They are building their own estates, or at least, they should be!
As for you, the spouse. The Succession act of 1965 gives you right of inheritance for the marital home you and he are living in, even if the home is in his name and not yours. If he were to write up a will giving the home to his children, you would have legal claim to 50% of the value of that home because of the spousal right of succession. This goes for the other assets in his estate, including things he individually owned before the marriage.
That goes both ways as well. If you were to go first, he would also have the same claim.
If you both were to die, you are entitled to 50% of the marital assets. The estate is 50/50. Now, your husband can bequeath items as gifts before you pass away, and a will drawn up allows him to give to people outside of the family as well. But the right of succession gives you claim on the real estate assets.
All law aside, it's immoral for you to place a demand on your new husband to provide for your children from outside of your marriage. Providing for you? Sure! You shouldn't be put out on the street when he passes away, but your kids are grown. They have their own estate, your estate, and their father's estate (if one exists). You just got married 5 months ago.
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reader, CindyCares +, writes (16 October 2012):
He is being a normal dad, who has been working all his life in the intent to provide for his own children and guarantee their economical future.
Your children have a father too, and he is the one who is supposed to do likewise for the future of HIS children. If he can't or does not want to do that... tough luck, not everybody is handled the same hand of cards to play with, that's life.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 October 2012):
 I agree that this should have been hashed out before the wedding.
I also don't agree that HE is responsible for your children financially after his passing. I assume all your kids are grown and therefore capable of taking care of themselves.
Now YOU can get a life insurance for YOU to provide a little something for your kids if you choose.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (16 October 2012):
 I can actually understand where your husband is coming from - he is just a father wanting to take care of his kids, and he probbly expects your kids father to take care of your kids.
Sharing a house between 6 children, 4 of which are not his, is unrealistic and would cause so much resentment from his children towards yours. Why should they get any of his fortune when they are adults who have not had much to do with your husband? Your husband hasnt raised them, I'm sure they dont call him dad, I really dont think it would be fair to get someone else's inheritance.
It is not your husband or his children's fault that you dont have any personal assets, they cannot be expected to share everything just because you dont have anything yourself.
I dont want to sound harsh but as a mother did you never think about this, before you got re-married? Surely you must have felt at some point in time you should be able to support yourself and your kids, and not rely on a man to support you? I appreciate we are from a different generation and as a 25 year old woman I think very differently to you, but when your previous relationship ended with the father of your kids that should have been a wake up call that you need to be able to look after yourself and your kids without the need of a man.
I dont think there is much you can do in this situation, your husband is perfectly within his rights to want HIS fortune to go to HIS kids, not another man's kids. If the father of your children is still around I think you need to speak to him about caring for your children once you are gone, not your husband.
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reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 October 2012):
 providing for you is one thing... providing for your children is a totally different kettle of fish.
If he dies before you, where will you live? how will you pay the bills... is there life insurance for him? as a spouse you should get it first.... then the kids if there is left over...
I am 52 I have grown children. One is disabled. I just remarried. I fully expect my new husband to inherit my house and everything else goes to him. My children are already provided for.
these are things that should have been hashed out before the wedding.... if he dies and you have no funds and no where to live, it will be by the grace of your stepchildren that you are not homeless unless he provides for you.
my dad and his partner never married for just this reason... they own their house together and I am not sure how it works when one of them dies...
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