A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A few months back my bf of 2 years got a picture message form a girl he dated a few times ( also slept with). We argued about this and he said she must be drunk he hasnt talked with her since we started seeing each other.My boyfriend got drunk and texted her ( what i do not know) but I was on his phone on my facebook when one of her replies got texted back. - he doesnt hide his phone from me and im on it often enough.Her reply had an xo at the end. He tried to lie and say he gave his phone to a friend and he sent a message to some girl.I then said - think very carefully about what your answer is going to be. He then said it was her, and she messaged him about a sporting game and he replied. We dicussed this, then his story changed again, he messaged her about the game - cus she likes baseball and she replied. ... he lied b/c i was upset when she text him a few months ago and didnt want to argue. I dialed the number and said well lets talk with her then... he got mad and took his phone to the bathroom and then i told him to leave and he left. he returned b/c he was drunk and slept on the couch - then we talked at 5 am. he apologized said he loves me and was wrong to lie etc.. etc.. do i really want to end a 2 yr relationship over a text message. etc etc.All and all - we havent talked in 2 days b/c of our work hours... and it may sound lame - but i dont know how i feel.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2012): Thanks, I needed to hear I wasnt being a whiny needy girlfriend!Agreed! - with all of your replies.I've decided for myself to spell it out for him ( should i have to ((( hell no ))) but i am) Moving forward this is a deal breaker. I dont want to be one of those girls that is concerned about who is texting him and vice versa - thats not how i plan on living my life! Checking phones - hate the thought of it. He can have friends that are females and I friends that are males... this is not what we are talking about.I'm not crazy and think that I'm the only one he ever thinks about or wants..come on he's a guy.. he has fantasies - everyone does. But I am realistic and know that I'm the only one that should be sending him picture txt and xo on a message. If he needs to get his kicks from other girls.. as beyounce put it,You must not know about me ..you must not know about me..i can have another you in a minute... to the left to the left!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (17 October 2012):
If you end the relationship it won't be over a text. But over his lying. It's that simple.
I agree with Cerberus here, it wasn't a text out of the blue from her and it CERTAINLY wasn't about sports (I actually rolled my eyes at that part). How dumb does he really think you are? Because the lies he "threw" at you made me think HE must think you are dumb as a rock to believe him. (no offense and I'm not calling you dumb, I'm just saying he HAVE to be assuming that you are going to believe his BS - even when you keep digging he OUGHT to have know you were smarter then that - yet what does he do? LIE some more to your face).
I suggest you take a few more days to think it over and take those rose colored glasses off.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Audrey  +, writes (17 October 2012):
 There is a lot of nastiness swirling around in the background. A man who becomes nastier once alcohol starts to affects him is going to be a problem in the future.
He lied to you and then even tried to backpeddle and get out of trouble by changing his story.
There are some major trust issues swirling around here.
If a text message if not too big enough deal breaker then at least negotiate some agreed goals and some agreed actions you expect and agreement on some behaviour that represents a deal breaker as far as your relationship.
Then at least you will know the standards that need to be aimed for. Before you have to say the relationship is over.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2012): You do know how to feel it's just you're hoping against hope that his new lies are not lies but the truth.
OP he got a damn picture message from her, your boyfriend of two years apparently got sent a picture message by a girl out of nowhere. Really? You believe that? That's funny OP because I've had a hell of a lot of past partners and never once gotten a picture message like that out of nowhere years after being with that woman. Any I've stayed in contact with and I still have some friends I've slept with before know beyond a shadow of a doubt that is not acceptable and none of them would do that. OP being drunk is not an excuse for any of this, you're in your 30's this isn't some idiotic love sick teen who got drunk and sent a picture, this is a grown woman who didn't send that picture out of nowhere and obviously is under the impression that it's okay to do so and he's obviously the one who has given her that impression.
Let's break this down shall we?
Lie 1: "she must be drunk" Must have been, not drunk, but must have been.
Lie 2: "he hasnt talked with her since we started seeing each other." Sure nearly 2 years into a relationship and she sends him a picture while drunk after not having spoken to her for that long. Very believable, my arse.
Lie 3: "he gave his phone to a friend" No he didn't.
Lie 4: "to some girl" It wasn't just some girl.
Lie 5: "she messaged him about a sporting game and he replied." Again, she suddenly out of nowhere decides to message him about a sporting game, sure she hasn't any friends or anyone else to talk about those things with so it makes sense, nope.
Lie 6: "he messaged her about the game - cus she likes baseball and she replied" Oh I see, because he doesn't have any friends to talk about sports with and not only that but he knew you wouldn't have a problem with it because you didn't have a huge blow out the last time she was in contact, oh wait.
Lie 7: " he lied b/c i was upset when she text him a few months ago and didnt want to argue." Oh yeah sure thing bro, much better to text her behind your back right? I mean no arguments can come from that.
Lie 8 (with a nice dash of emotional blackmail thrown in for good measure): "he apologized said he loves me and was wrong to lie etc.. etc.. do i really want to end a 2 yr relationship over a text message. etc etc."
Do you really want to end a 2 year relationship over a text message? What a pathetic low life move. Yeah dude, this whole thing is about one little text message, lets forget all the above lies, all the deception. Let's ignore the fact you're playing with this girl on the side and have now been caught twice. Let's just put it down to you being a petty bitch because it's only about a text message.
At the end of the day OP, what happens from her is your call. But make no mistake whatsoever, you cannot trust this guy. This isn't a one off, the lies weren't accidental there were fecking 8 of them in just your post. I'm sorry OP but how the hell can you respect a guy who uses such pathetic excuses such as "I didn't want to cause and argument" or "do you want to throw this all away over a text message?" I mean for fuck sake, he's even trying to put this on you.
Think long and hard about this OP, you gave him a pass once and he crossed that line again with the same girl. Once bitten twice shy and all that, I honestly can't see how you can in good conscience let him get away with this again.
To me that would be then end, no comebacks. One chance and he blew it. Time to really think about whether you have a long term future with this shameless liar. I mean think about it, what would have happened if you were foolish enough to believe Lie 3? That would have been that and you'd be none the wiser about what he's up to, because make no mistake OP he has been playing away otherwise why all the cloak and daggers shit? Why would he risk losing you just to text a girls who doesn't matter about some random sports thing? You just don't do that, do you? She matters enough to him that he is willing to lose you just to keep in contact with her.
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