A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I don't know whether my bf is bad or if its all my fault. I am 18 years old, my bf and i have been together for 7 months. At first our relationship was great, i felt so happy...but things have changed now...My bf says that if I leave him, know other guy would put up with me because im that bad. Then I tell him that hurts me and he says I 'take it the wrong way'. What other way can i take it???My bf got upset with my close friendship I had with my best friend of 2 years who was a guy because he would call me affectionate names. So i talked to my best friend about it and we agreeed it would be best if he wuld stop that. BUT a month later my bf starts calling this girl he is friends with all the pet names he gave me! Hes such a hypocrtie! I cant beleive hes doing this and it hurts me. I told him it upset me but he said shes 'just a friend' so it shoudlnt matter to me. Well my guy mate was just a friend but it mattered ot him. Why cant he understand this? My bf and I had a HUGE fight the other week. We went out with his friends who I dont know very well and I was quiet because I felt really uncomfortable being around all these guys who I dont know and they barely acknowledged me. I said hello and smiled at them when arriving and the jusr gave me a dirty look and said hi and look right away and started talking to someone else. My bf also knows that in general im shy around anyone when i first meet them...but it seems he forgot all aboutt that this night. As after the night was over we got into the car to go home and he started yelling at me saying "YOU ARE A EMBARRASMENT TO ME! I cant believe what you did. I am so ashamed of having you as my gf there. I am so dissapointed in you. Do you know how you made ME feel? My friends think you are f*cking weird because you barely spoke to them! For f*ck sake, why dont you care about me for once in a while and do what i need you to do? stop being so f*cking selfish." I told him I was sorry that he feels that way from how I acted and tried to explain calmly why I was how I was. But he didnt care, he said I was being selfish for not being more talkative. He didnt care or understand that I am shy and find it hard, and that it was awkward for me because his friends didnt really seem to happy to see me, and they kept talking about his ex gf...that put me off from talking. Anyway I promised him next time I would make a bigger effort. The following week we went out with his mates and there gf's. One of there gfs started talking to me and she was sooo nice. We talked lots. I thought my bf would be proud of me. It was hard for me to do what I did, but I did it. But he wasnt proud of me. After the night was over he started yelling at me saying how I embarrased him again. I said to him 'but i talked to so and so's gf...i was trying'. He said in a sarcastic voice 'how f*cking brave of u. do u think i really care? u didnt say anyhting else to my guy mates, whats ur f*cking problem? they think u have some mental issue? do u know how hard it is for me to explain to my friends that my gf probably has some mental issue? and is a f*cking wimp?". Words cant even beguin to explain how i felt then...my bf has since that event told me that if i dont change to become a exstrermely outgoing posing type person that he will dump me. His frineds dont like me because im shy and have made other nasty comments about me my bf says. Ive never had sex before, but ive done oral stuff with my bf and sometimes when he fingers me it hurts ALOT...infact it does quite often. If i tell him to stop he gets upset, turns away from me and crosses his arm, pulls a fat lip (like a little kid) and sulks and refuses to talk to me. I ask him what is he feeling and he just goes on about how upset he isbecause i didnt enjoy it. and he makes me feel guilty for saying no because he says i must think hes a bad bf and bla bla. so i find it hard to tell him to stop now because of that. so waht am i suppose to do? let him continue doing it despite how much pain i am in??? after we talk about this then i feel guilty and he tries pressuring me into leting him do it AGAIN! this anoys me so much. why cant he accept no? why does he have to push me?? Also another issue we have is, theres this girl in our university class who has a crush on him. He knows it too. She always flirts with him etc and cuts me off when im speaking to him. Our teacher is making us work on a group project together. My bf knows that her behaviour upsets me. She has tried turning him against me by sending him messages with these lies about me being 'nasty to her'. She says ive called her a b*tch and so on...when i never have. I would nver do anything liek that, even though right now thats what i think of her. My bf barely stood up for me. HEs soooo nice to her and that hurts like hell. And we could be holding hands or something then as soon as he sees her he drops my hand. Why is this??? I feel SOOOO overwhelemed with all these problems me and my bf have. and believe me...there is more. but i think i have written so much already. I dont know what to do...whenever i tell my bf that im upset about any of these issues he always has some way to justify what he does, like 'if u didnt do what u did i woudlnt have to act like that'. how do i deal with this?
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best friend, crush, ex girlfriend, flirt, his ex, shy, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, solace_123  +, writes (16 September 2008):
Hi.
i dont know whats the status of your relationship right now, but one thing is for sure, you are a very sensitive person and deserve to be treated in a very loving and generous manner. The fact tht you have tried so hard to live up to your bf's phoney and bogus expectations, corroborates this.
First of all, even for your future life, b clear about one thing, and dat is, you are good, in fact bettr than most of the ppl and you deserve to b respected and treated in a humane and loving manner.
once you start believin in dys, m sure, the need for such sites would cease.
as far as that *** is concerned, don worry, world is full of such ppl. look at d brighter side, he made u realise how gud u r! ;)
:)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2008): im a guy, and i know that the way hes treating you is shit! dump him
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): I came across this question by mistake when I was browsing. All I have to say is seriously ...Why the heck are you even with him ... Am wondering whether you just have a bad self esteem or there is something wrong with you...No person in the right mind would allow themselves to be treated like that ... even if its just a friends...and a bf should love you more ??
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A
female
reader, tishatasha  +, writes (1 January 2008):
 Just tell him you dont like any of his friends thats why you dont talk to them, also try and say how you feel about him and if he starts shouting at you dump him, your obv. too good for him so he just makes you feel smaller so he thinks he is better then you!
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (11 December 2007):
 Right look at all our replies look what they all say leave him and you know what do it! He says nobody will want you because he wants you to believe it so you dont leave him but you can do better there are millions of guys out there and you can do better you dont need this loser to make you feel worthless so just end it and do it NOW before you get hurt and made to feel so insecure you never leave
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (11 December 2007):
 Get rid of this LOSER!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (11 December 2007):
 Deal with it by ditching him. He treats you like crap, he doesn't treat you with respect or compassion. This guy is a major creep. Please do yourself a favor and dump him... find a guy who can communicate without yelling and calling names and emotionally bashing you up. A relationship should not feel this overwhelming.
This guy is a jerk and a half. DITCH HIM, sister. You know deep down you'd be better off without him. Deep down you know there are good guys who will treat you well. Follow your heart, your brain and your soul and do what's right.
Dump him a.s.a.p!
Good luck, sweetness!
xx India
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (11 December 2007):
 You deal with it by dumping this loser. I am sorry to sound so mean, but this guy is not treating you right at ALL!!! Dump him and reestablish your friendship with your guy friend before it is too late. You really dont need this kind of abuse. Cause that is what it is. Mental and emotional abuse. He is abusing you to make you feel insecure and dependant on him. Time to get out my dear before it is too late!
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