A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 17 he's 35, we have been living together for two months, and i'm 6 weeks pregnant.I love him so much, is this wrong we get along so good, so in love with each other?I left mad and went 7 hrs away to my sister's and he drove all night, tired without sleep to get me after staying up all the night before worrying about me, and the night before, being in the hospital for a car accident with his co-worker, they wrecked pretty bad but i didnt know. I left mad because he didn't come home all night, but come to find out he was at the hospital, in the ER. I didn't know he friend was trying to be with me and told me some terrible lies. I still feel terrible for jumping ahead of myself and running away but i did. I love him so much we don't fight, everything's perfect. I just want to know why is it that some people feel it is so wrong for us to be together, we finally feel we have met our dream person in eachother. I just want to know how other people feel about the age difference. Is it that bad?
View related questions:
co-worker Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): Well here in the UK, age gaps arent a big deal but I assume that is a different case over in the US.
At 17 you're old enough to look after youself and make your own decisions, if you love this man and feel you have a future then why not be together? As long as you're both happy and consenting then thats what really matters.
With his life experience and you're youthful energy Im sure you'll make fantastic parents.
xxx
A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (13 May 2008):
one word, YES
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2008): sorry this wont last. think about whats best for you. carefully.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2008): not trying to be mean but he is more then double your age, what are you thinking? Do you have a father figure in your life? that would be the only reason i could see for someone to be with someone so much older, because they are looking for a father figure. i have a 15 year old girl and she wants to date and have fun, why do you want to be tied down with someone who has already had the oppertunity to live life and has now made it so you will be burdened with taking care of a child. I'm sorry hun but this man should be ashamed of himself.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2008): A 17 year old is not a child.They might not have they sensibilities of a 40 year old, but if a girl or guy is 17 and doesn't know basically how to keep themselves alive and keep a relationship... then there is something terribly wrong.The only issue at all us is you are under the legal age of consent. Then and only then is there a problem.If, like Australia (where I live) the legal age of consent is 16... then you haven't got a problem.Flynn 24
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): The issues is not that he's older. The issue is that you're only a kid, and he impregnated you. A 35 year old man has no business going after a 17 year old. If you were 30 & he was 48 it wouldn't be a big deal. It's a big deal because you are so inexperienced in life, and don't know who you are or what you want yet & your views on life & what you want out of it are going to change immensely in the next 10 years. You're going to either miss out on being a young adult, having fun, dating around, partying, college, etc. or you are going to do it anyways and not put your child's needs first. This is why 17 year olds shouldn't be parents. Can you even support a baby? From your post, it sounds like this guy may not be very reliable. I hope you have a great network of family and friends to support you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): hmmm.. well im 17 and dating a 33 year old.. so i dont think the age thing matters, but by the way you talk and are on here asking for advice about if we think its wrong then you obviously have your doubts..
maybe you two are madly in love or whatever, but i think its not likely to end out greatly... his friends wanting you, him not calling you when something big is happening, him sleeping with you without a condom two weeks into the relationship.. hmm.. seems wierd.. HES USING YOU!!!!!!!
nothing against the age.. if he was a better guy (which he may be) just goin by what i read, then it could work out wonderfully.. sorry girl, but i think its kinda a bad situation.
XxMariahxX
...............................
A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (9 May 2008):
 There's nothing wrong with you being with an older guy. 35 to 17 is nothing. When he gets to 50 you'll be 32, which is fine. Don't let people tell you that you can't go with a man twice your age. That's just nonsense.
What is more problematic is the fact that you're only 17. That means you are still very young and have a lot of growing up to do. In 5 or 10 years' time, you may find you have very different ideas and aspirations from what you do now. Those changes may impact on your feelings for your partner.
The thing with the hospital ER, him not phoning you, the friend wanting to be with you and telling terrible lies (sorry, couldn't figure out that bit), and your driving to your sister's place. This bothers me, partly because it shows a lack of consideration on his part, but more importantly, because it shows a lack of maturity on your part and a weakness in the trust between you. I think you overreacted. And your upset also showed in the very disorganised way that you expressed yourself in your post. This is not out of character for a 17-year-old, but could be a problem if you're planning to be a parent. Once you're raising a child, you can't just run off to your sister's place every time something upsets you.
You need to think very seriously about the responsibilities you're about to take on. The problem is not that he's twice your age; it's the fact that you're 17, somewhat immature, and planning to become a mother! You need to sort yourself out a bit. Looking after a child is not an easy job.
Anyway, I wish you the best of luck and hope it all works out for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): My thoughts exactly, when a 35 y/o man is going after a high school aged girl, he is a fucking loser. And about the hospital..do you have any proof that he was there? He still could have called you, or had staff at the hospital call you & let you know he was there. Doesn't really make a lot of sense that he didn't...Are you sure that those were really lies that the friend was telling you?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): well...dating a man over twice your age is a little strange to me...i mean it's your buisness and im not saying to leave him or anything but to me yes it is a little wrong....
-michael
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): first of all you better be of legal age to be pegant. if you are than age does not matter. if you are not the legal age then yes it is werid to be having a baby with him.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): It's wrong because when he was 18 you were BORN!
35 year olds that go after high school girls are losers. No other word for it. Now he's a loser that got a girl pregnant.
...............................
A
male
reader, Samhamss +, writes (9 May 2008):
This age difference is absolutely ludicrous. I am sorry, but you are far too young for this man. I mean, honestly, this borders on the line of pedophilia. I mean nothing to be mean, but I wish to be perfectly honest, this won't end well.
...............................
|
