A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a woman for a few months now and all is going really great. Recently she introduced me to her mother and immediately we recognized each other. A few years earlier we were in a bar and started talking to each other. She is was older but was looking to hook up with a younger guy. We ended up leaving together and had sex that night. Do we tell my girlfriend this has happened? Her mom has agreed to keep it secret but I don't know if it may slip out at some point. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (3 October 2012):
IMO, the relationship cannot work out. I cannot even fathom being with a woman my father was with! And secrets have a way of being found out. They become very heavy to carry.
Time to move on.
A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (1 October 2012):
 I agree with Mandy. You aren't going to be in the relationship anymore so end it with your gf and leave it alone. There's no reason to deal with the family and it's none of your business what her parents do. Just move on and leave it behind. Maybe date another older woman since you had such a good sexual experience the other time.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (1 October 2012):
 HI
I would just walk away from it. what can possibly be gained by telling her what happened if your not going to be with her? if her mother wants to cheat with younger men than that is her buisness she will be caught out one day im sure, but that is not your place to ruin a familys life together. maybe the husband has been doing the same but they both keep it private from their daughter. I would just say you don't this is going to work out, if she asks why a little white lie wont hurt, just say you met someone else OR you still have feelings for an ex, she don't deserve to told anything about her mother it wouldn't be fair.
Mandy x
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (1 October 2012):
 There is something wrong with her mom. You should tell your girlfriend the truth. After you are broken up with her then you don't have to think about her anymore. What her family does will no longer be your business. Her mom is the one who messed things up. You don't have to feel guilty about anything. If she had not been cheating, it could be that she was having an open relationship with her husband.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 October 2012):
 Remember that old "Morton" salt slogan? "When it rains, it pours!!!!"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have realized that this relationship is basically going to be over. That night with her mother was probably the best sexual experience I have ever had and I don't know if I could restrain myself should she make a sexual advance towards me now. I don't know if it was because she is older and older women know what they want but she did what she wanted to and with me that night and pushed me past my comfort zone sexually which had me more aroused than I have ever been before. It was very uncomfortable being around her mother now because images of that night came back to me, with most being very sexually graphic, and they now have made me want to relive that night with her.
I have to find a way to tell my girfriend that things are over without telling her the truth. Another issue has now arised. The night my GF introduced her mother to me it was mentioned that mother has been married for over 30 years and still is. Does this mean that when her mother had sex with me she was cheating on her husband? If this is the case, by telling my GF the truth could wreck thier whole family.
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A
female
reader, iloveblue +, writes (30 September 2012):
 At some point, one would think..it's not your girlfriend's business now who you slept with in the past.
However, this person is just not anyone..it's her mother! I do think it's her right to know that. It's her right to decide if she still wants to date a guy who banged her mom. It's her right to either feel ackward about it or cool. The fact that it's her mom is something you should just not ignore. Tell her and pray that she's cool with it. Atleast you have told her, this way you will be fair with her.
If you keep this and this would later come out, this girl may feel betrayed by both you and her mom... and you will all be miserable.
I suggest you to just be honest with her and if you lose her..just accept it. Sometimes we really have to let go of people if it means saving her and yourself from future misery or disaster.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 September 2012):
You don't know if WHAT will slip out????.......
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (30 September 2012):
HI
Personally I would be too weirded out to continue a relationship with someone if I had slept with his father, but that is just me. I would tell her though, but I would tell the mother first about your plans so she gets a heads up before hand, she maybe feeling regretful herself, maybe she wanted to recapture her youth when she slept with you, either way your girlfriend deserves to be told the truth, because if you don't tell her now and it does come out in the end, she will never trust you again. Do you really like this girl so much ? do you not feel that maybe you should end it now before things may turn complicated? if you truely want to be with this girl then she is worth telling the truth to, a good relatonship is based on honesty,trust,loyalty,faithfulness. I hope it works out for you.
Mandy x
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A
male
reader, Diligence +, writes (30 September 2012):
 If you tell the g/f, more than likely you'll lose her at some point because this will gnaw at her, even if she never mentions it again. How could that ever be forgotten?
I don't think anyone could just drop that, male or female. That's just my two cents though. I could only imagine my father/mother or my son/daughter having sex with someone that I was dating and how I'd feel about that. Hmmm... I wish you the best on this one.
Personally, I'd never tell if I wanted to continue with this person.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2012): Don't say anything, it's not your girlfriend's business who you slept with, and it's a coincidence that you slept with her mother.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 September 2012):
How many of us guys DREAM of being in this predicament?????
I suggest that you 'fess up....and tell the young thing that you want to live with her and her Mom... and you (all) can sort things out in the morning.....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (29 September 2012):
 I would tell her that exact same thing you said here. Make sure you also tell her that you debated in your mind whether to tell her because you didn't want to lose her, but you did not want to hide anything from her.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 September 2012):
 sounds like a two and half men episode I saw once..
charlie slept with the woman he was dating's son who was engaged to charlies ex girl friend.
they kept it a secret. when it all came out EVERYONE was miserable.
if you are sure it can be kept a secret forever and you can live with it and so can mom (I could not) then continue to keep it a secret.
better to let it out in the open and end it now if that's what must happen... if everyone is cool about it, it just never gets mentioned again.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (29 September 2012):
I think you do need to tell her. Even if you and her mom both promised not to say a word things have a way of coming out by accident. You can't plan and trust a woman you barely know to keep this a secret, who knows what could happen? She could get drunk and let it slip for example, or tell a friend how weird it is that her daughter is dating someone she slept with and the friend blabs to some others, or start to feel guilty when you have dated her daughter for awhile and lets her know what happened, the possibilities are numerous. And I disagree respectfully with janniepeg, it would not be better to find out later. Then you are hiding something and starting out the relationship on a lie, an omission is a lie. And when she found out she would make it a bigger deal than it was since it was hidden as well as feel betrayed and foolish, her mom and boyfriend kept a huge secret from her.
So bite the bullet, tell the truth and hope for the best. Maybe you can downplay it enough that she will get over it. Maybe her and her mom have a different relationship where this wouldn't be so weird. Either way it has to be done. Otherwise you don't have a chance making this last based on lies.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (29 September 2012):
 I dont know, it doesnt sound right somehow. How long can you keep it a secret? And even if you do, how weird will it be when you'll eventually end up having sex with your girlfriend and then you will have had sex with both mother and daughter? And if it slips out at some point that you've slept with the mother, just imagine how the girl would feel. Its too much of a muddle, leave this girl alone and find someone else for yourself. It will be easier for you to because you wont have to constantly walk on eggshells trying to keep it under wraps.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (29 September 2012):
If you slept with my mother, I don't want to know. If I found out later I won't be mad at you. I also won't be mad with my mom. But that's just me. If you told me I would be always wondering if you two still have the attraction, what do you do when I go to the bathroom and you two are alone together, would you secretly flirt when I couldn't see, do you still fantasize about her in bed, do you really prefer older women, that kind of thing etc. Unecessary worries. You didn't know her mother at that time it's not like you are some jerk who wants to taste both mother and daughter at the same time for a kick, a taboo. Culture will tell you to feel bad and to confess but this thing only happens 1 in 1000.
If you tell her, it is mainly for you, because it's hard to carry such burden and secret. You have to think of your girlfriend and prepare for her responses too, that could be the end of the relationship. If it ends, oh well, she is much younger than you so it might not work out any way.
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