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He wants time apart after our years together. Does this suggest that he's already seeing someone else?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Faded love, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 June 2015) 7 Answers - (Newest, 24 June 2015)
A female United States age 41-50, *irmechula writes:

Why would my boyfriend after 22 yrs tell me that we need time apart ?

i feel he has been seeing someone else

he always makes me feel like im nobody to him

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2015):

22 years and his still a bf? I know not everyone wants marriage, you do you as they say, but the term bf doesn't seem full of commitment...

Ask him outright, and then really consider whether you believe him, whether you trust him or would ever trust him if he came running back to you after a break and also consider what YOU want.

Are you happy with a break? Would this relationship ever feel the same if you took a break? Would you prefer to end it?

You feel he has been seeing someone else, if you have genuine evidence or a hint of evidence then why kid yourself - tell him what you know and see how he reacts.

People grow apart, there is no shame in that and for many 22 years is far longer than they will ever spend with anyone. If there is not much left to save then go your separate ways, but you may have a break and both realise you're better together. You both need to talk about it and if you go ahead with a break there needs to be established boundaries. Like on a break will you both date other people or not?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2015):

He might be.

We don't know. But sure, there is a chance.

Give him the break up (coz that's what he wants. I wouldn't make it easy for him,but that's me, you might be more noble), let the new "love" rinse him dry.

Meanwhile, go and find yourself a nice, young fella, who is unencumbered in life and just wants to have some "fun".

After 22 years of compromise,I'm sure you'd enjoy that.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy +, writes (23 June 2015):

Anonymous 123 agony auntIf someone hasn't married you after 22 years of being together, there's your answer!

He doesn't want to be tied down and never did. He always kept that little window of opportunity open where he could take off whenever he wanted, with no considerations whatsoever.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (23 June 2015):

Honeypie agony aunt22 years together and NOW he needs a break? It sounds odd. But I would give it to him and I would spend that time re-thinking the relationship.

I DO think he might want to BREAK up not just have a break. BUT talk to him. IF he insist he wants a "break" set rules and boundaries while on break.

And I too agree, more info could be helpful.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (23 June 2015):

Tisha-1 agony auntIf you've spent 22 years with a guy who makes you feel like a nobody, wouldn't it be great to find out how it feels to be a somebody to yourself?

Ask him. if you can't ask him this after 22 years then you really do have nothing with him.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (23 June 2015):

eyeswideopen agony auntAfter 22 years I should think you would be able to talk to him and get to the bottom of all this. We would have no idea as to why he's asking for time apart.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2015):

I am sorry to say this but yes, this is a good possibility.

I don't think he would admit it because he does not want to hurt you. You have been together a long time and I am sure he still cares about you and a part of him will always care about you. Even if he doesn't admit it to himself. I mean you two have been together a long time. Of course there will be some feelings.

If your gut instinct tells you he is seeing someone else, then he probably is.

He doesn't want to be the bad guy.

But maybe he was not getting certain needs met in your relationship.

Has he always made you feel like you are "nobody to him" or has he made you feel this way LATELY?

Have you had a rocky relationship? Have there been problems?

22 years is a long time without a commitment of marriage. Why did you never get married?

I am with Notsohappy.

Can you tell us more about your relationship and perhaps we could advise you much better.

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