A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I broke up 6 months ago and are speaking about trying to work things out and get back together. One of the biggest problems that stand in the way are our completely opposing views on having friends of the opposite sex. I always felt more comfortable with male friends, and he thinks that it is disrespectful to him if I go and hang out with a guy by myself. I'm willing to compromise and let him meet any guys I'm friends with, but he still has all these restrictions that I find to be completely unacceptable. For example, he thinks that if I have lunch with some male classmates (I'm in college), that automatically makes me a whore. Is there any possible way to make him see that he's being unreasonable? Or is this a lost cause?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (2 June 2007):
 Before you think of getting back together you need to see if your 6 months apart has matured him in any way. Did he feel so insecure with you before that he couldn't trust you to talk to another guy? Did something happen when you were together that made him feel this way?
Sit down with him and tell him that you really like him and would love to get together with him again but you have one proviso. He needs to trust you! Let him know that sometimes you talk with males and females at college but let him know that it doesn't mean you want to be with them. If he can't control his jealous, possessive ways when you're together at first, think what it would be like in say 5 years from now! If he's not at least willing to tone things down then you're making the wrong decision getting back with him.
Eve
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2007): maybe you should find a solid meeting ground and understand his conflict and try to find a solution to benefit the both of you.this doesn't sound so much like a lost cause as it sounds more like just an act of stubborn attitudes.you should talk to him, and he to you, and figure out if there is a level ground you can both walk on before you throw love away.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (1 June 2007):
 This is a lost cause
You can not allow anyone to pick and choose your friends.
This boy sounds like he has trust issues and also control issues.
Do not allow him to control your life because one day it will be friends to next something bigger.
If you feel more comfortable around male friends hang out with them as much as you like, because these issues are not yours they are his and his alone.
Unless he can trust you and not want to control you walk away from this relationship before it destroys you college life
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A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (1 June 2007):
 He has trust issues and is finding it hard to let you go and enjoy yourself. theres nothing wrong with having a laugh with other people opposite sex or not.
As long as he has no reason to think you would do something wrong than he should give you the space to socialise with who ever you want to.
It is only him who can resolve this issue. All you can do is give him honest answers and support him, but it is him who has to let go and learn to trust you the way he should and the way you probably trust him.
If he is unable to do this, then truthfully i dont see how it can work..You need your friends as much as he needs his, he can not restrict your social life like that.
Let him know this but tactfully and see what happens, but i get the feeling he wont give in and it is out of your hands if that is the case. I do wish it works out to your advantage and you make things work between the two of you.
All the best..
R
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2007): That there is a lost cause.
He is possesive and wants you to himself.
I had a friend who had a boyfriend like that and let me tell you the relationship ended badly. He would go through her email and delete all the male names off her MSN list and would go through her phone and delete all the texts from men even if it was regarding coursework.
He will try to control you and to me and my friend that is not a relationship thats a dictatorship. You cant change people either or wish to change them because you will get hurt.
Walk away from this because it is unhealthy.
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