A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Do you think I'm over-reacting? 2 am today my bf's mobile rang. I thought it was his alarm, which he'd asked me to set the night before, and got up to re-set it for the right time, but it was a text from a girl. I know I shouldn't have, but I read it and it was pretty flirtatious. He'd sent something to her saying "would love to make you scream with joy", and "maybe you could try and make me hard while i'm in the cinema" earlier that night (we'd been to the cinema together!), after she'd sent one to him asking him what he was up to. So, I got up to leave, but he woke up and asked what was wrong. I told him. He said this girl used to send flirty messages and rude picture to him and two workmates a year ago, that she no longer works at his workplace, and that he hasn't seen her or been in contact with her for a year. I was upset, and said I felt hurt and disrespected (I'd never send messages like that to another guy!!). We had a long talk and he told me that it is just "banter", that it is just how she and he talk to each other, that it was just words and he has no intentions of meeting her or wanting to sleep with her. Been with him 7 months, things have otherwise been going great, he's told me he can see a future with me and that he's even thought that we might settle down and have a family one day. He's introduced me to most of his friends and family, and we always have a great time together. Our sex life is great too. He's done nothing else to make me doubt my trust in him.However, I still feel sick and worried about this, despite him trying to reassure me. He's said he won't do it again, but I'm not sure I believe him. I want to forgive him and carry on being happy, but at the same time, I worry it'll happen again. Do you think I'm over-reacting? Or is it ok for people to send texts like that to others when they're in a relationship? And if so, why would people choose to so that?? Any advice on how to respond and deal with this would be so appreciated. Thanks.
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male
reader, jayokayo +, writes (3 April 2011):
 there are a few things that are needed in a relationship, trust, loyalty, love, and it looks like from what you have written your trust in him has diminished, unless you can bring yourself to trust him again then Im afraid the relationship is not going to work, also you say he said it was from a girl that used to work with him a year ago and that he has not seen or contacted her in the last year then why is it that the messages are on his phone now, and its a bit of a coinsidence that you were in the cinema with him and one of the texts he sent was about her making him aroused in the cinema.
I think you need to rethink about being with this guy..
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (2 April 2011):
 Yes you should be worried. Telling someone you want to make themselve scream with joy is not something you say to a friend. Dump him immediately. It's also fairly gross that he would ask her to make him hard while he's with you! If he hasn't already, it sounds like he's planning on cheating. I'm sorry this happened to you, but this guy is not someone you want to be with.
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