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He says he's too lazy to love me any more. Is this real or is it his depression talking?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Health, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 April 2011) 9 Answers - (Newest, 25 April 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

What does it mean when you get dumped by your depressed boyfriend because he doesnt want love or relationships anymore because he's too lazy?

Is that even possible? Can someone seriously be too lazy to want love and relationships?

View related questions: depressed

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (25 April 2011):

LazyGuy agony auntIf he really has depression, then it is real. It is part of who he is. And yes, depression can suck the energy, even the motivation right out of a person. So yes, he could really feel that he is to lazy to have a relationship.

But not all depressions are real. Sometimes people are just really lazy. So, has he been diagnosed with depression?

As for what is talking. If he has depression, then that is him. It is not like there is some demon called depression that is controlling his body, the depression is part of his personality. This might chance if it is dealt with but for now, it is him. And he won't really be able to tell them apart. It is not like say a headache that makes you cranky and you know it is the headache talking. Depression goes deeper then that. There might be a tiny spark inside you wanting to fight but there is no energy left.

The sad fact is that serious depression really does stop people from caring, for themselves and others. Yes, it could be real. But depressions CAN be dealt with. But not always.

Is he undergoing treatment? Showing at least a tiny effort to fight it? Some people will just always be depressed because it is their nature and they don't just suck the energy out of themselves but everyone around them.

Really hard to give advice on this, you should know him best, is this something he, you two, can fight or is this truly really him?

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (25 April 2011):

YouWish agony auntThis guy's hit rock bottom. He should see someone and get help for his depression. "Too lazy" to love someone doesn't sound like a cop out, but he could really feel like he's underwater and have no strength for anything.

I don't think he's in his right mind now, but yes, you should take the breakup seriously. If you want, tell him that you respect his decision to let you go, but that you really hope he gets help. Giving up "everything" is not a good sign.

Then you should move on romanticly. You can be a friend to him and encourage him, but he has to want to save himself. If you know his family, talk to them about your concerns so that they can give him some added support and direction.

Then proceed with your life as someone who is single again. If he gets help and wants you back, that's another thing, but do not stay in limbo and act like he didn't break up with you in the first place.

Be a friend, but from a distance. If he refuses to get help, it's time to break free.

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A male reader, Yarrup United States +, writes (25 April 2011):

He might just be giving up on everything. You should seriously talk to him and see whats up. He probably just doesn't care anymore.

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A female reader, rosie2057 United States +, writes (25 April 2011):

I'm not sure what it means, so I can't really answer your question. What I do know is that this guy has made you unhappy and that you deserve better.

Forget this guy. There is someone out there who won't be too "lazy" to love you. You deserve to be with him and not this guy.

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A female reader, cardinal United States +, writes (25 April 2011):

cardinal agony auntOh dear. Lazy sounds like an excuse of some kind. I'm not even sure what that means to be too "lazy" for a relationship. If he is in depression that is one thing...he may need to help himself before he can love but the term "lazy" doesn't sounds right at all...

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A male reader, boogie4 United States +, writes (25 April 2011):

i dont think he's using the right words to define what he's thinking. you can't be too "lazy", know it, and not want to do something about it.

my guess is that he may not just be ready for a relationship at the moment.

hope this helps.

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A female reader, danii_rockz United Kingdom +, writes (25 April 2011):

Hey there, this guy sounds like a fool. Not for being depressed but for saying he's too lazy to love you!

In depression, sure you sometimes don't want to be with anybody but you don't stop loving them.

I'd take the exit and go find Mr. Right who isn't too lazy to love you.

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A female reader, Aunty Susie Australia +, writes (25 April 2011):

Aunty Susie agony auntHe is probably too depressed; which interprets to can't be bothered, too lazy. When you are suffering from depression, it's hard enough that the sun comes up every morning, that here is yet another day which you have to deal with. So having to cope with a relationship can be just too, too much. Is he getting help for his depression, medical or psychiatric? If not, he needs to.

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A female reader, mimi:D United States +, writes (25 April 2011):

I think thats an excuse. im sorry. he may of wanted to break up with you without hurting your feelings

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