A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I lost a friendship with one of my very good friends. We got in a big fight and both stopped talking to each other. I deleted her of off my facebook, and asked my boyfriend (of 2 years) to do the same. Instead he said i was being controlling and we starting fighting. I dont believe i was being controlling, that person really hurt me, and i didnt want to have any connection with her anymore. He didnt even try to take my side and make me feel better, and said we both burned that bridge (even though our fight was bc of her). We all worked together at some point, but he was never friends with her like i was.If he cant be there for me and make me feel better in any way, then maybe we shouldnt be together. Or am i really being controlling?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 December 2013):
 It's VERY controlling to tell someone who they can and cannot be friends with.
My gf and I had this talk last night... we had a mutual friend on facebook who asked us to unfriend someone she was mad at... we all refused... and we have distanced ourselves from the requester.
I had a friend once who told me to pick my then boyfriend or them (a couple I was friends with before the boyfriend) I married the boyfriend and no longer speak to the former friends.
He is an adult with his own mind and his own wishes and you do not have the right to tell him who he can and cannot be friends with.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (24 December 2013):
Absolutely that's controlling. Telling someone who they can be friends with is always controlling unless there's a good reason, ie they're dangerous, or something equally important.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 December 2013):
 Yes it was controlling. You are not his MOM and who he CHOOSES to have on Facebook is HIS choice.
So you fell out with a friend and ended the friendship. Good for you, if she was a bad friend, but DICTATING to your BF that HE HAS to delete her ?
It's not about him being there for you or not. THIS wasn't HIS fight. It was between you and your former friend.
YOU can block her, un-friend her, block her feeds and you would NEVER know what she posts anywhere. Much easier.
Stop acting like you are 5 and the center of the universe.
Sorry, if I sound harsh but this is beyond ridiculous to fight over in a relationship. What's next? you don't feel he is supportive because if you say jump he doesn't ask you how high?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2013): Hey, the same thing happened to me. I cut my friend off and told my bf to do the same. They were friends too. I bugged and bugged him and he finally erased her from his life. Two years later when we matured he tells me I was in the wrong and shouldn't have asked him to do what he did because the fight was between me and her not him and her. And I agree with him. I think if you're adamant on him deleting her, you will push him away. They have no hard feelings towards each other, why make him hate her for no reason? I know you're angry and hurt, I completely understand and I feel like you must have a legit reason for deleting her from your life because I remember what happened between my ex best friend and I and it wasn't pretty. Sure, if he sides with you, you will feel better. For a while. But why should he HAVE to hate someone who didn't do anything personally to him? You will feel bad once the fight dies down. You might even end up repairing your friendship with your friend, so you never know. Give yourself time to calm down and think things through rationally.
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