A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys. I really like this guy and we've been out a few times but he is still in touch with his GF and I recently found out that he decided to start dating as a 'payback' (according to him) to 'teach her a lesson' for some lie or other she told him. They've been together for years and she wants him back but he seems to want have his cake and eat it, ie go dating and have her there for when he is ready to pick up with her again. Also, he suffers from impotence and the sex isn't very good. He told me it is because he didn't fancy his ex wife anymore and his ex GF needed to lose weight and this is what made him impotent? What are the reasons for impotence? I am worried he will start to blame me too. And if he is just 'dating' to teach his ex GF some sort of lesson, does this mean there is no chance for me and him. I like him but the impotence bothers me and his attitude towards his exex is starting to bother me. Am I missing big red warning sirens here or am I overanalysing? Any help would be great as this has upset me a bit lately. He is 52 so quite a bit older than me too. Thanks.
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ex girlfriend, ex-wife, his ex, lose weight Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (5 February 2010):
 He sounds toxic. Eww. No hun, no reason for you to hang around, he is just using you to get back at his ex.
Drop him, like a bad habit.
You can do better!
A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (5 February 2010):
 Listen CAREFULLY to what he is saying about the women in his past..because sooner or later he will be saying similar things about you. This is not a man you want to spend any more time on, he just isn't worth it. He doesn't care about anyone but himself, and makes excuses when things go wrong. The only thing he MAY be telling the truth about is the fact that he's impotent. But because of the woman? I highly doubt it. Drop him and RUN!!!
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (4 February 2010):
 Ginormous Red Flags! More than anything the fact that he blames others for his problems is one big red flag!
He will in the future...blame you for something/anything that goes wrong in his life...that is, if you stick around!
What is it about him that you are attracted to??? He is insulting you by saying what he has said! He is Using you to get back at his ex! You don't need that! Do you really want to hang around till his ex gets jealous enough to want him back? (I don't know why she would, though)
"Am I over analyzing?" No, I believe you are under-analyzing!
Respect yourself, and get away from this user!
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (4 February 2010):
 Yes, the red flags stand out a mile.
Dating his ex-gf to pay her back? Sounds as if he's telling you a load of rubbish - though I don't doubt his impotence.
As for where it leaves you, seems to me its more a question of where YOU should leave HIM: in the dust!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 February 2010):
 You are a person he talks at, no to. He is not even your friend, but a woman hater who only cares about himself. He wants people to know he is dating you, a younger person to cover the fact he is impotent, and to show his ex that someone younger is attracted to him. There is no reason for you to like him. If you were his girlfriend he would lay out all sorts of rules for you to follow, so he would stick around. Otherwise, he is going to use other women to teach you a lesson. He sees women as a tool to spread hate all over.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 February 2010):
Bid Red Flags here. Divorced once because he fell out of love, he has an ex he doesn't love because of her weight. Now he blames his impotence on her (which isn't true.) And he says he's dating to get his own back. Four good reasons to get away from him.
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