A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:[Moderator note: Here is a link to this OP's previously submitted question: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-boyfriend-announced-he-wanted-a-month-apart.html]My boyfriend of 4 1/2 years broke up with me over 2 months ago and I can't seem to get over it because I feel he hasn't let me have my say. I still love him.We are each others' first, met when we were 19 and moved into a flat my parents own in London, and lived there ever since, we furnished the place ourselves and payed minimal rent to my parents. He (Tim) Is extremely hard working and has an amazing work ethic, after 2 years of being together he started his own business which he named after my family. He works really hard at it and he hardly had any spare time which was ok because I would see him in the evenings and he would come home to work plus he was often free at the weekends and he still managed to spend time with his parents and few friends. He kept pushing me that he should have the spare bedroom in the flat as his office and i agreed because i supported him. He continually told me that i was 'the one' and he didn't want to be with anyone else we were smitten with one another and my family liked him too and genuinely knew we would get married one day.Tim is very ambitious and started another business alongside his one that he had already, I supported him and so did my family, they invested a large sum of money because they believed we would be married in the near future and they wanted to benefit both of us and they know how good he is at business. Things were great he was working hard but i would still see him in the evenings and at weekends, then things started to go downhill. His time became rare and i didn't see him as much i talked to him about this and he made bit more time for me but he was coming home at 2am most evenings so i decided to spend a bit more time with my family and started going to see them more and see Tim whenever he was free. it worked for a while and i would say 'are you free a day this week do we can go shopping' in reply i would get 'sorry, i'm so busy at the moment' it just seemed like he had no time to spend with me then he told me 'Oh i'm up early on tuesday because i'm out with my friends' this is when it started to niggle away at me - How could he have time to spend with his friends and family but not me... We discussed this he made more effort but then we started having more arguments each week and not seeing much of each other, We would argue over silly things and how he could spend time with other people and not me. We would make plans then he would let me down so when it came to our anniversary i wasn't bothered and didn't expect to be doing anything, he suggested we go to Rome but i just shook off the idea because i thought he doesn't have the time for that and i'll just get let down it will never happen. In the end we just went out for a meal and cinema, which i thought was nice.A month later we went out for dinner and he announces he wants to break up because he's not happy and hasn't been for ages and said all we do is argue, he said that i'm spending too much time with my family. He said 'ive tried to make this relationship work and suggested we go to Rome but you just shook it off' he told me 'Ive told you loads of time that i was unhappy but you never listened' Thinking back, yes he did say occasionally that we had a rubbish relationship but he would say that, get it off his chest then he would be fine and be lovely, I know he told me but i think i resented him a bit and always thought 'Your unhappy? what have you got to be unhappy about? Your living rent free in a gorgeous flat, you've been handed money to you on a plate for your business and i support you. I always shook it off and thought he was being a brat and throwing his toys out the pram.He just broke up with me like that! it was all about him, he was unhappy but what about me? What about how i feel about this situation? I put my hand up that I should have listened to him when he told me he was unhappy, and i probably have spent a bit too much time with my family but he needs to work out where he's been wrong too. He just said he was unhappy, that we both need to meet other people and perhaps in a year or two when we have both changed we can get back together....I just still love his with my heart and i feel like hes run away without even listening to me!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2014): "Thinking back, yes he did say occasionally that we had a rubbish relationship but he would say that, get it off his chest then he would be fine and be lovely, I know he told me but i think i resented him a bit and always thought 'Your unhappy?what have you got to be unhappy about? Your living rent free in a gorgeous flat, you've been handed money to you on a plate for your business and i support you. I always shook it off and thought he was being a brat and throwing his toys out the pram."This was your first relationship so It's understandable that you didn't see the signs.I've been with my partner for 4 years. Not once have either of us said or thought our relationship was rubbish. That is not normal. Next time someone says that, do not sweep it under the carpet and wait for them to get over it and become lovely again. You ask them why, and what you can do to help. Also, we live in his parents' gorgeous flat in a nice part of London paying very little rent. If he ever spoke to me in the tone you used, implying that I'm not allowed to be unhappy because I live in a nice appartment I would dump him! I say this with confidence because he has never thought this way. You cannot buy love. You cannot make people beholden to you by giving them material things. You cannot throw it in their face how much you do for them.It would have been nice if he'd listened to you and your feelings at the end. But it sounds like he did try to talk during the relationship and you didn't take him seriously.Im sorry, I do not mean to be harsh but I think he is right, you both need time to mature because neither of you understood and catered for each other's needs.I hope you feel better and I wish you well.
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (15 January 2014):
Unfortunately you can't always talk someone into being with you. It sounds like ultimately the two of you weren't happy together. Without happiness, what's the point of love?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2014): You can pursue legal recourse as suggested; but it won't make you any happier. He used you and your family; and all he really wanted was prestige and a lovely home.
I know some will not agree with me; but I think any action your parents take should be on their own behalf.
It doesn't take a lawyer to tell you that you don't have a legal leg to stand on; unless you have documentation to support your claims.
Allegations without supportive evidence is nothing more than a bunch of wild accusations made by a scorned ex-girlfriend.
If you get involved, it is merely an act of vindication; because he broke up and didn't marry you. I just can't find anything you'd stand to benefit from it. I hope you are able to survive and recover. Your only crime is following your heart and falling in love.
If your parents gave him the money under a legally signed agreement to repay them; I see no reason why they can't recoup their money. If they want to ruin him financially, go ahead. I just don't see what good it would do you. I see more good money going out the window, because of him.
Scams of this kind happen everyday. Most get thrown out of court; because people didn't get signed agreements and maintain supportive documentation to prove their claim that they are owed money, and that it was not a gift. If it was an investment, they are entitled to their return.
It's his counterclaims that could make a mess of things. Especially if he is a successful businessman; he may just have his legal ducks in a row. My suspicions is that he would repay the money every last cent, without a second thought. You still won't get the satisfaction you're looking for. He doesn't seem too concerned; because he apparently reached the desired level of success he was seeking, and money is no longer an issue for him.
I suggest your parents make some attempt to get their money back. They are innocent,and trusted him and wanted to see to his continued success. In principle, they deserve to be made whole.
I suggest you move on. Don't waste anymore feelings on that scumbag. You are in-love with an image you made of him,
not with what he truly is. He has successfully achieved his goal. It was all about business, and not about you.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 January 2014):
 I agree with Honeypie. Your family who gave the money should definitely contact a solicitor. I saw plenty of cases where lawyers demonstrated that such gifts are "conditional" dependent on events in the future and ordered the money or property (i.e. engagement rings, money, cars, houses) be immediately returned.
Your family's investment with him was CONDITIONAL on you two marrying and being together. If you have texts, emails, correspondence with your family and him talking about that money, keep it.
As for the demise of your relationship, it was both his second business as well as your resentment of his time gone and blowing off his feelings of unhappiness as him being a brat. Never blow off feelings. You could have seen his feelings as something the both of you could have teamed up to overcome. He wanted to go to Rome with you - you should have done that because you could have reconnected and talked about his hiring others to relieve him of duties.
The two of you could have talked to a counselor to help heal some resentments, but as he has left, it may be too late.
However, your parents have legal recourse in regards to the investment money. Your success depends on documentation of the conditions of that money.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 January 2014):
 Like I said in my other answer, contact a solicitor to see if your family can recoup the money, personally I wouldn't hold my breath.
I know it hurts, but you are GOING to have to accept that he CHECKED out of the relationship a LONG time ago because he was unhappy, you just ignored it because YOU felt happy enough. So he should be happy too.
I wouldn't put my hopes on meeting again in a couple of years and be together, that is not how life works.
GET legal advice and move on.
Sorry.
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