A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:This is more a coping with stress question than a relationship one, but they're both linked. My cellphone is stressing me! It's taking a toll on my emotional wellbeing. It started after my 4 best friends created a group chat on WhatsApp. It was intended to help us organise and plan dates and stuff, but now they're constantly chatting about even the most unimportant nonsense. The messages appear directly on my homepage, and if I choose to ignore them while I'm otherwise occupied I fall behind and then have to set aside at least an hour at night to catch up on about 170 messages worth of conversation. This is besides other social media like facebook, twitter and BBM, where I have to ignore other people as well in order to do the things I need to do in the day. I help my mom out at her shop most of the day. The rest of the time I use to kick back and relax, watch a movie, spend time with family or go out occasionally. But I also enjoying simply browsing through facebook without having to be in a conversation. It seems rude to be online and not reply. The messages all pile on and by the time I'm in bed and ready to chat, I'm exhausted. As a result I have slow conversations with people that carry on days and I can't keep up! I don't want to seem rude. I don't want to be a bad friend and never participate, but how do I stay connected without feeling overwhelmed? I know, it's 2014, it my fault and I should just get used to it. But I seriously can't carry on like this anymore - I need space from my cellphone! How do I find the balance without having to live under a rock?
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female
reader, lessons_learned  +, writes (14 January 2014):
I'm not on any social media, I'm only 26 and I'm definitely keep intouch with my friends. Guess I'm old fashioned because I like to talk face to face. I don't feel left out, what do I miss really, what they eat for breakfast. Don't be dragged into it if it gets you down, do what makes you happy. If your friends don't like it then they are not very good friends.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (14 January 2014):
 Delete the WhatsApp for starters. You said yourself that most of the time it's idle chatter about nothing important so you're not missing anything. You're not likely to lose touch with them since you have so many other ways to communicate.
Keep your Facebook chat option off until you're actually available to chat. That way people can't tell when you're online unless you post something. This gives you time to just browse. Do the same with other sites where possible.
Limit the number of accounts you have on social networking sites to what you can comfortably handle.
OP, you are not obliged to be available for everyone all day and night every day. people scale back their involvement in these things all the time and it's no big deal. You're not letting anyone down.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2014): I am old in social media terms (42 years old) and when I was in my teens people just telephoned each other to chat so it stresses me out too so I know how you feel. I have de-toxed recently because Xmas became stupid with it. I announced I am taking a break from social media - twitter, facebook even whatsapp. I can tell you now the relief is immense. I feel calmer and actually achieve more and feel somehow more 'real' as the social media was making me lonely weirdly as I never had a proper face to face conversation with people. I have also realised that real friends pick up the phone or just text to get together and that has made me realise what is important to me. Less really good friends that matter and care about me and me about them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2014): My favorite subject. You are not responsible for keeping track of every piece of media-babble your friends can produce. You have a life, responsibilities, feelings, and a
brain. You know how to set priorities, and you don't let a device rule your life; as if you've lost all capacity to think as a person. You have a life in the world of reality.
Your friends have a lot of idle time to go on and on about absolutely nothing. You have no obligation to keep up with that rubbish. Reason being, that is all they have to do. If they had jobs and lives, and the ability to concentrate; they would be in the same condition you are. Fed up with the nonsense. Tired of trying to be nice and respond to everyone's "what's up?"... and "how ya doin'?"
I prefer my gossip over tea or drinks; so if I don't have the time, keep a journal. We'll get together and catch up. That's the point anyway. Just to put a bug in your ear, until we can get together.
I wait to hear really important stuff on the news. If it's not news-worthy, it's probably not worth of my time. I want only the facts. Send party invitations by e-mail. I will respond to each and every one of those!
Most of the crap these girls are writing at 1000 words per second, is brain diarrhea. Junk spinning around in an empty head, when they have nothing better to do. You can minimize and cut threw a lot of junk, by just deleting most of the crap; and just call or text the one friend you can rely on to catch you up on the most important stuff.
If they don't have a job, their job is playing with their phones. You help your mother,and use your time to do fun stuff. They spend more time texting, updating trivial nonsense, and doing nothing particularly fun or important.
You don't have to followup on all of the media at once. They're repeating the same junk, just on a different media accounts. Why do you feel you have to check each and every message? You don't! You check the subject matter, if it interests you, you read it. If not, you delete it.
I have too many friends and colleagues to try and respond to all messages within a day. I take my time, and I read according to priority. I start with e-mails; because they include business correspondence and followups to my own inquiries. If I go on Facebook, it's to see what family has to say, then friends. I read at my leisure, and when I'm bored. I don't need Twitter or WhatsApp.
People will hold you hostage with trivial crap that is just off the top of their heads. You don't have to respond to it. Once upon a time, people kept foolishness in their brains where it belonged. If it isn't important enough to say, you either store it or forget it. Now there's brain-dribble on every device I have.
I don't sweat it. The word "delete" has nearly faded off all the delete buttons on all my devices; because I know how to use it. If it's important, they call and tell me!
You ignore most of it, and just stay in touch. Believe me, you're not going to miss anything important.
That is the purpose of social media. Not to obligate you to respond to each and every message received. That's impossible.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack  +, writes (14 January 2014):
That's a tough one when you're so young and there's peer pressure.
That said, if these girls really are your best friends, and not overreacting drama queens, they should understand when you tell them exactly what you've told us here. Some of them might even be feeling the same way!
"Gals, this group seemed like such a great idea at first, but it's really overwhelming me, and I'm thinking of taking a break from it. I love you all!"
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